On Friday 28th April I had a major heart attack in front of my husband and daughter, They thought I was over reacting until my daughter rang 999. They advised her that I was having a heart attack and advised her where the local defib was. 999 could not get a crew out to me for 90mins. They took me to our local hospital and after 30 mins in A&E I was blue lighted to Harefield Hospital. I had a stent fitted but also had a chest infection. I was in for for 5 days. I was discharged with loads of meds. 9 weeks later I was admitted again and needed 3 more stents fitted and more meds, A stay of 4 days. I am 60 tomorrow and I just feel that because I wake up every morning and have had no further incidences they assume all is ok. My family don't ask how I am with regard to my heart episodes. I feel they think I am lazy. Living with heart failure is not funny and nobody has read the book I was given. I know it shocked my husband daughter and mother. However it is like the elephant in the room that nobody wants to talk about. I appear ok on the outside and that is my coping mechanism. Inside I want to cry.
My last 4 months: On Friday 28th April... - British Heart Fou...
My last 4 months
Must have been awful in front of your daughter and husband, so what does the future hold for you what treatment is available to you ? I can't imagine how you are feeling hope life gets better for you
Lots of meds. Thankfully they are working.
Hello 
I am sorry to hear what you have been through and how you feel now as if no one is bothered regarding your family but I am sure they are and I am sure they have not forgot about it either
How it has affected you I wonder if they are struggling to but their way of dealing with it is to try and forget it did not happen as it could be to painful for them if they did
Maybe you need to sit your Husband and Daughter down and talk to them tell them how you feel and ask them how they are feeling it could be the start of opening up communication which I think is needed and at least they will know how you are suffering and struggling and need their support
We are always here to listen and talk if you need someone so you are not alone with how you feel
Happy 60th Birthday for tomorrow my 60th was December last year I hope you have a lovely day and give yourself a present let them know how you feel x
Thank you so much for your advice. You are very wise. I have always coped with stuff but not with this. I know it has affected them but we all say it's fine. As said the amount of stuff swept under the carpet makes the lump too big and we need to clear it out as there is no more room. I will let you know tomorrow. Thank you x
Hello
You are stronger than you think
Good luck and look forward to hearing how you get on x
Hi You reminded me of my inlaws years ago. The mother had numerous serious health problems ( including heart issues) but they were all in denial. She was expected to cook babysit etc and her oldest son( my ex) offered unsolicited advice...re vitimins exercise, getting out of the house more!! It seemed to me that they didn't want to know, I was the only one offering help and asking how she really was. They did want to know because it didn't suit them. Hopefully your family is different.
Also 60 last December. Did your mum tell you how it snowed that winter?
Hello
Mine was just 3 days after Christmas you still might be older than me
Yes she did actually I presume yours old you to x
Yup I made my appearance before Xmas so I’m older ! And history repeated self and my younger son was born on same day as your birthday. It’s quite nice as everyone is always around but difficult for thinking of more suitable gifts when in gift season!
Hello
You are old then 
I was born the day before my Grandmas BD she always would ask why I did not wait a day longer 🤔
I never find having my BD when I do very good to be honest as people always used to give me gifts and say it was for my BD to as well as everyone had celebrated Christmas so did not make as much fuss when it was my BD
I know it will be different for your Son though x
Cheeky😜!
I’m still pretty immature tbh, sadly it’s not the same as actually young!! Xx
Hello
But do you look as young as you act x
If only…
I know that feeling I try and spend as little time looking through the mirror now a days x
I was Nov 1962 and told the story too lol! Snow so deep mum couldn't take me out for 3 months ❄️ 😂 We could start our own 60s club!!!
That’s the story, snowed at Xmas and didn’t thaw for 3months. Can’t imagine that in this heat.
I think it's quite common for there to be a cluster of birthdays around Christmas. Something to do with springtime being the time for regeneration of life. My birthday was Christmas Eve and my mum told me about the snow that year (1944). I was not due until January 6th which would have put me into the next year. That would have changed a few things.
My parents married in February 1948,the year of the big freeze. Honeymoon was in Scarborough; they got frozen into the train and had to have the doors thawed by a blowtorch. They were most amused when the landlady of the B&B produced 6 hot water bottles for them. I suspect they found better ways of keeping warm.
Yes but the bottles helped eradicate the effect of cold sheets!
I’d not heard about the 1944 snow. From the stories I was told 1962-63 was the snowiest ever!
Mind you we will be telling stories of the hottest September ever! (Well I really hope it doesn’t get hotter as this is fairly unnerving. )
Well, it may have been a year or two later but I think she talked about the year I was born 1944-45. I remember 1976 as being the hottest summer, and at the end of it I went on holiday to a hot country in order to prolong it. If I had anyone to tell about this year, I suppose I would but at my age there isn't a lot that is remarkable about it.
Well, it may have been a year or two later but I think she talked about the year I was born 1944-45. I remember 1976 as being the hottest summer, and at the end of it I went on holiday to a hot country in order to prolong it. If I had anyone to tell about this year, I suppose I would but at my age there isn't a lot that is remarkable about it.
you have all our support, my husband is the gentle silent type he is in shock over what's happened to me and maybe yr family are abt you
Happy birthday for tomorrow x
Thank you so much for you comment. I do need to say it is not about me but them as well. However we are not a family that really talk about stuff but we need to now. 😊
Hi, I couldn't agree any more with what BeKind28- has said.
You need to sit down and talk, I say this as someone whose wife has gone through some very difficult times with me for 35years or so. You may not realise it, but, it can be as hard for your family, if not worse than the patient.
Your last paragraph could just as easily read.
However it is like the elephant in the room that nobody wants to talk about. They appear ok on the outside and that is there coping mechanism. Inside they want to cry.
You might find that they do cry.
Thank you. Tomorrow looks like it may be the beginning of an acceptance of my condition for us all. I have always said I am ok when I am not. Time to be honest. Should have happened in April but difficult to suddenly spout emotions when as a family they have not really been honestly talked about. I am so grateful to have found this site. Thank you. 😊
Hello sorry to hear about your health problems. You've all been through a lot. My sister seems to trivialise my heart problem. That does not help me but I think that's her way of dealing with it. It is difficult to talk / open up to family, I think they don't want to hear how we feel as it's painful. They're also coming to terms with your health status. We all adapt at different places. Talking on here may help you but do try and talk to your family. Good luck and Happy birthday for tomorrow, try and enjoy your day.
You know what, I am going to try and organise something for us all to meet and those that can come. X
🎈 Happy Birthday 🎈
I do hope you can explain how you feel and I hope they understand why you need to share your feelings. They may well have been worried that by acknowledging it they were somehow accepting it and they so want everything to be ‘normal’. It’s sometimes easier to blank scary things than to face up to them, but hopefully once you’ve outed the subject it can’t be avoided again in the same way.
Don’t blame them too much-try to express it all gently so it becomes cathartic rather than a row.
Good luck and best wishes x
Thank you for your advice. 😊
I know exactly how you are feeling. Because I get out of bed each morning, my family think I am okay. I recently had a very bad day and when I told my husband, he loked at me and said "oh, you look okay". Enough said.
I am so with you on that. 🤪
Happy 60th Birthday, hope you can still get some pleasure from the day.It's hard to be open, that applies both ways. We don't want to cause more worry to our nearest and dearest, but it is important to be honest.
I think one thing you may need to try to make them understand is the emotional impact this can have on us.
I haven't looked but I wonder if the BHF may have some advice on this, but if not one of the cardiac nurses may be able to advise.
Fingers crossed for you.
Thank you, I will try. 😊
You are probably still in shock, you will have so many emotions up and down. Big hugs to you x
Thank you x
They are as worried as you probably, but it's easier to pretend nothing happened. Talking about it opens up the possibility of bad news, which they don't want to hear. You need to sit them down and allay their fears and yours as well. You've had a terrible experience with a good outcome (thankfully). Good luck for your positive future.
Thank you. 😊
I have all the sympathy in the world for you , what people cant see on the outside they are blinded to what's on the inside .I've said this same sentence myself "if I had a scar the length of my face " people would be more understanding as its visual. I'm personally a happy go lucky person and because of that everyone thinks your cured .
Take care and happy birthday x
Hi I agree 💯 with Bekind. Happy 60th birthday. Enjoy your day.
Hello,
I’m so sorry to hear about what happened, it must have been very traumatic.
I kind of understand that your husband and daughter prefer to pretend that it is all back to normal but because it is not, you are the priority now.
You must educate them regarding how you have changed and the fact that now you are living with heart failure and you have different needs and of course your energy level/things you can and can’t do are different.
You need to either get them together for a family meeting and talk to them or if you can’t face it maybe write it on a letter and maybe also include the leaflet they suppose to have read 😔
And if they don’t want to hear it just start to delegate chores and stop pushing yourself to be your old you, surely once things that you used to do for them don’t get done, I guarantee they’ll start listening 😉
I truly wish you the best
Thank you so much x
I feel for you as I have the same. Never allowed to mention it…
Sorry to read that.
Do you have anyone to speak to, I presume, but don’t know first hand, a BHF nurse could help if there is no one who will talk about your experience and how you feel.?
Not really. I have learned to put up and shut up. I’m ok
I totally get where you’re coming from. At 59yrs old I had a massive heart attack (STEMI), cardiac arrest that’s left me with heart arrhythmia’s and some left ventricular heart failure. It was caused by a blood clot, totally unexpected in a woman with no risk factors and was fit. I’ve got 1 stent. that was July 2021.
My confidence left the building, I struggled with not being able to do what I did before. I needed a further procedure 3 months later as I was in persistent atrial fibrillation .
Initially my husband and my daughter were brilliant but then it’s like they expected me to just get back to what I was before. My husband has said some hurtful comments. So I went to counselling it really helped me see that I wasn’t the problem. I had every right to feel like I did I was not being lazy. He said I should tell them what I cannot do at that point in time and not feel guilty about it. For some reason I had a lot of guilt. So I thought stuff it I know how I’m doing not them, they can’t understand where I’m at. I openly told them and tried to stop being bothered by what they thought- or I thought they thought. And I worked at slowly improving my fitness again and accepting were I was at but that I can move forward and they will for you. At first I struggled walking up any stairs and people a lot older than me over took me. Only once did I take the lift I told my husband to go slow and walk with me. I explained what I needed.
Anyway 2yrs on , medication still coming out of my ears but I’m off to walking football in a minute and I swam over a mile yesterday. I’ve met people I wouldn’t have met before all this. It’s taking a long time and I’ll never get back to the fitness I was before. But I’m fit. My husband has accepted that there’s things I struggle with still. Walking uphill- I’m a total snail.
I’ve really waffled sorry. But you’re not alone and definitely not lazy. Accepting where you’re at is important and holding your head high. X
Thank you. That was awesome.😊
I too had a major HA Feb 2023 it was very serious I was blue lighted from my home to hospital they could not fit stents so a bypass it was, I have been very lucky with my husband he is very understanding, would it help if you spoke to your family and told them just how you feel?
Your husband and daughter may be frightened too, and it may help for you all to see t down and speak from the heart, seek some help if you need to, I had some counselling to help me through and I was very open with my husband ( my rock) my sister in law who has been with me all the way through too they listen and know my fears but I also know theirs ♥️
If ever you need to chat I am here and I would be happy to chat with you 😊
I hope you have a lovely 60th birthday celebration 😊
Thank you so much for your advice. 😊
so very sorry to hear this, so scary for you and your family.
I had the opposite. My husband witnessed my heart attack followed by a couple weeks in hospital very ill and he tries to wrap me up in cotton wool. Its really affected him and he worried lots initially. I'm nearly 6 years on and hes much better but still very cautious.
Sounds like your family are possibly blocking it out as a coping mechanism. As Be Kind says you do probably need to sit them down and discuss with you how you are all feeling. I would insist they read the book suggesting it would help your peace of mind if you knew they were fully informed.
Take it steady, still early days for your recovery ❤️🩹 Keep stress to a minimum where you can. And do take up cardio rehab its so supportive & reassuring. Best of luck.
Others have mentioned but counselling can be useful, I sought it out through the cardiac team and it really helped. We try and protect our families, they want to believe you are back to normal and you want to be so…. You’ve all had a huge shock find that safe space and verbalise the things and tensions you’re ‘managing’ things will improve x
Thank you soo much. 😊
Good morning, I feel your pain re your symptoms taken for granted. I too have this situation at home where nobody really wants to take my heart problems seriously and just dismiss it with stuff like you will outlive us all etc and also although the best of meals they are not really heart friendly. I know I could cook for myself but that would just bring tensions to the household. I think it is so much easier for family members to not want to know about your heart problems and just carry on as normal, which leaves me feeling like I am not been taken seriously here at all. Dont get me wrong all my family are really great and attentive but they do struggle with coming to terms with how dodgy my health is and like yours tend to ignore it most of the time. My rant is over it is what it is and at least it is not killing me. Just wish they would acknowlege that when I am tired it is because of something I can not help so can not do what they want me to do.
I know how you feel.😊
Hi,
Your family may seem uncaring, but hopefully its just how you are interpreting them. Its very hard for other people to the appreciate physical pain and mental anguish felt by others unless it is blatantly obvious and 'in their faces'. Unless they see otherwise, people will likely assume you are OK. Let me tell you about my situation in case it helps you a little with yours.
Everyone is different and I don't want people fretting over me at all. Not unless I'm in a very bad place, when I really do need support. Them fretting in a routine manner wouldn't help my situation anyway. Most of my family, despite loving me very much, treat me just like they always did - and I prefer that. But sometimes I do have to remind them 'hey, remember my heart isn't great!' and 'remember, my meds slow me down!. Thankfully they DO understand once I remind them.
An example: I recently climbed a mountain in Scotland with my Tri athlete sister. I had never thought I could achieve such a thing every again and I was impressed with myself! But on the way down, my sister was laughing how slow I was. So, I jokingly reminded her that I was different nowadays, as I know she wasn't being deliberately uncaring.
Your family may bring up your condition and show routine sympathy even less than mine do, but do they step up and help and comfort you when you tell them you are worried or having pains?
I really feel for you. I have a different issue. You can read my bio. But I think we have similar issues. Where I am finding it hard is that as my my condition is congenital. And found out late in life. 56. People think that as you have had it all your life therefo nothing has changed? Admittedly I have no heart failure but my my right ventrical does not function like a normal person? I call them my peers. However like you I look well. Possibly better since medication but deep down it is hard, I cry I cry alot. But any heart issue will cause tiredness. And I do think medication can cause even more tiredness, lethargy, but on top of all this will be the mental impact. Which can copy the same feelings and symptoms. It become a vicious cycle. Yes it is good to talk, but to my close family iam like an old record. Yes they are concerned but they also have to live in their worlds with their worries and concerns. A bit Similar to you I collapsed at work 2022. But have not collapsed since and to this day we will never know why. Possibly blood pressure effected the congenital problem but according to hospital 18 months onwards i am stable. Fortunatly iam only on two tablets lisinopril and spironolactone. But does these tablets cause some of the tiredness, fatigue. ,? It is very hard and draining to try and come to terms with it. And it's denial. But what our peers seem to forget is that you and you alone have to live 24 hrs a day with that constant niggle in your head that you have malfunctioned or have a fault with one of the main components in your body. Sorry I don't have any answer. There will be people who have come through it and have edapted. But it is a journey you have take to get to the other side. Good luck.
That was awesome. Thank you.
I’m guessing your normally the ‘competent one’ that everyone relies on and who is the one that can do anything?
I think as another persons said re a different scenario it probably doesn’t suit them for you to now be the ‘poorly’ one. That’s not your role.
My hubby got diagnosed with Alzheimer’s 2 years ago, he’s 13 years older than me and the family now think of me as the person that will look after him. The problem is now that I too have health issues ( AFib and CHD) and have been hospitalised twice in the last 8 weeks with severe attacks.
So no one wants to talk about my health, especially my hubby who bless him just doesn’t understand it all, and I am expected to just get on with it and manage like I have always done .
I’m still trying to sort out my strategies for this, how best to handle it without causing upset within the family but to find a way for them to accept that I’m no longer the person I was and I need to look after myself too! Probably as the priority since if something happens to me then I won’t be here to look after hubby!
It is hard especially when you’re also coming to terms with your own mortality and emotional reaction to what’s happened to you. Focus more on you looking after yourself and ensuring you have the mental space to heal physically and mentally. And try to worry less about their reactions which you can’t actually control . Once you feel stronger you will be in a better position to tackle how best to handle your family
Wishing you the best with this and so try to have a wonderful birthday tomorrow / give yourself the gift of self care and be kind to yourself and your body x.
Hi Lynxmygingerb
I’m sorry to hear of your recent ordeal, that must’ve been really frightening for you! I also empathise entirely about feeling like your family think you’re lazy and don’t understand. I feel like the elephant in the majority of rooms I enter, you’re not alone with how you’re feeling.
I know it’s easier said than done but I would recommend raising the topic and sharing how you’re currently feeling. It really helped for me to talk to my mum about how I feel - it turned out that she didn’t bring it up because I wasn’t and thought that I didn’t want to discuss it and she was “being strong” for me! Talking with my mum has made a world of difference; she still doesn’t really get it but she’s more open to learning and listening which is good enough for me 😁
I hope that your medication is working well for you and that you continue to improve 🤞🏼🤞🏼
Best wishes
Soap 🧼
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