A note to the moderator

[Heyjude31]

Hello, following some posts which were written by some of our fellow hearties to say they are leaving I have again written to the moderators asking that some positive action be taken against these trolls. If this continues the forum will lose more and more people. If I don’t get a response from the moderator which on previous occasions I have not received a response I will be saying farewell myself.

[Lezzers]

I've liked your post to show my support for you contacting the moderators not because you might leave the site .

[Heyjude31 in reply to Lezzers]

Thanks that’s very kind of you to say so. Judi

[Shrek1974 in reply to Lezzers]

me too.

[Cee-Cee1 in reply to Lezzers]

Me too - I completely agree with you Judi. Carol x

[Digger0 in reply to Lezzers]

Ditto!

[Milkfairy Heart Star]

Snap

[Heather1957]

The problem is it can be difficult to differentiate between trolls and people expressing a different opinion.

I found one of the responses to an earlier post awful, yet that person had at least 6 likes so not everyone felt the way I did.

[ParrotLover22 in reply to Heather1957]

If we all thought exactly the same there would definitely be something wrong. The World does not work like that! Plus , maybe, being called a 'Troll' for having a different opinion to the majority!

[Heather1957 in reply to ParrotLover22]

A troll is NOT someone who has a different opinion but when all they do is post nasty cutting replies without anything but the intention to hurt someone then yes, the term fits.

[ParrotLover22 in reply to Heather1957]

Yes I agree but sometimes I have had Replies that I think are rather 'out of order' but I don't take it to Heart, (no pun intended). I just leave it go 'over my head' after I've given them an answer obviously!

[Heather1957 in reply to ParrotLover22]

The written word can be very difficult and it is so easy to take things 'the wrong way'. I don't mind a good discussion but when things get personal I think they are crossing the line.

From personal experience I was targeted by a specific ex member when I asked a question about a cruise dress and my scar, the post was full of vitriol fully aimed at me. Now we had crossed swords previously I was at a loss that someone who I had never met in person could dislike me so much. What made the matter worse for me was that some people had liked his post.

There was no response from him about his feelings about showing his scar, in fact I am not even sure from reading his bio he had OHS, but slated the fact I was 'showing off' about my holidays.

The posts he made were absolutely hurtful and were meant to be, I don't know if he was pushed or he jumped but he is no longer here under his old user name.

I'm quite tough and stuck it out but can only imagine what effect it could have had on someone more sensitive (it still hurt like Hell)

I get it wrong on lots of occasions but would NEVER purposely hurt anyone, it just isn't in me.

Anyway I've made this all about me, sorry although I found it quite cathartic as I haven't really addressed that issue before. 😀

[ParrotLover22 in reply to Heather1957]

Sorry for long delay in replying Heather. I have been on Walkabout to the Shops :). You seem a lot like me in what you are saying and I remember that Post well and there was absolutely no need at all for some of the responses and I liked it :). I remember as well replying on it. I do think a lot of it could be jealousy, loneliness (which I do have compassion for) and people with nothing else better to do and bored!! Enjoy the rest of your day

[Heather1957 in reply to ParrotLover22]

Thanks, I am trying to do a clear out of my loft but seem to want to keep more than throw.

Take it easy!

[ParrotLover22 in reply to Heather1957]

Lol 😂. I know the feeling plus at the moment, I am dealing with a destructive parrot so taking it easy is out of the question by the look of it lol 😂

[Hidden]

Yes indeed. During this week in particular there has been a lot of discussion about posts concerning what is acceptable and what isn’t, centred mainly on empathy for those who post looking for guidance and help. And some members have decided to quit because of that. Opinions on this vary in extreme from those who believe you shouldn’t say anything which might upset people on one hand, to those who like to say it as it is on the other and various shades in between. But what everyone agrees, I believe, is that it is totally unacceptable to be abusive or rude or undertake a character assassination of someone who may hold different views to you, and that surely must be the definition of trolling. However it is important to remind folks that the strength of this forum is its diversity, and sometimes not everyone will agree with what people post, but in my view the vast majority of responses to posts are made with good intent, and just because some don’t agree with how they are phrased doesn’t make them invalid or perhaps the work of ‘trolls’, its usually just another way of looking at things. In short be tolerant and give those seeking help fair and considered views as they deserve by posting accordingly, irrespective of where the advice sits on the spectrum, but do respect the measured opinions of others who may see things differently, and if it really is upsetting move on, life is too short and there are usually bigger issues to get concerned about.

[MummaSoap in reply to Hidden]

Ironically most of us are here because we have bigger issues going on in the real world! I agree that moving on and not allowing the negativity of some to “cloud us” (if that makes sense) is a positive way to deal with any unpleasantness but I also appreciate that for some it isn’t as simple as that and I always try to be mindful, both online and in person, that my words can impact others.

I would rather be the smile that saved someone than the sharp tongue who pushed them over the edge - some might think that’s a bit dramatic but you can never know for certain where the other person is both in mind and/or body.

Heyjude31 I sincerely hope that you don’t feel forced to leave although I respect any decision you may take and understand that protecting oneself has to take priority.

Best wishes to you both.

Stay hopeful

Soap

[ETHEL103 in reply to Hidden]

I wouldn't let anyone's post stop me from being a member .There are some grouchy people out there.Feel sorry for them.

[Milkfairy Heart Star]

It is not what you say, perhaps how you say it ?You can with care, kindness and respect give challenging advice or recommendations.

The role of the critical friend is to acknowledge you may have to say something that the other person would rather not hear.

Sometimes it helps to 'sugar the pill'

We perhaps could try to learn to respond rather than react.

Shoot the message rather than the messenger.

The phrase ' the other one' could be catching 😂

[Milkfairy Heart Star]

Haha ! the ' s*** ' on the shovel delivery can have it's place!

We need virtual sniffer dogs to seek out the trolls 😉

[Heather1957 in reply to Milkfairy]

As an educator I was taught to give feedback in the form of a sh*t sandwich and I still find it the most acceptable way to say something that may be unpleasant.

[Ourdill]

Hardly negative nor troll like for saying that they are leaving. Nobody makes anyone stay here 🤷🏻‍♂️ are you ok? Don't go mardy about people feeling well enough to move on? Bit of a crappy unsupportive comment if I'm honest.

[Shrek1974]

Hello Heyjude31,

You’re now the 3rd person I’m replying to on this matter - sadly. I don’t often comment on here as I always seem to be late to the party & most of my advice is often well covered by the time I see the posts. I feel I should try on this one though. This horrible behaviour really does need to be stamped out & quickly but by the good ones leaving, I especially fear for the help & support the newbies may or may not receive. This group offers the occasional nugget for me now after a few years or so but initially I was getting large doses of daily info - too much to sink into my tiny mind, yet the naturally repeated matters that got mentioned as they became concerns for individuals (which seems to irritate some arrogant know-alls) were very helpful & eventually got through… In short, the behaviours of some on here needs to change & I sincerely hope it does this & quickly.

Please reconsider, if not - farewell & best of luck to you.

Stay strong. 💪

Steve

[FindingCaradoc]

Perhaps less so on health related sites (although possibly more) there seems to be on every forum or Facebook group I use some folk who appear to delight in posting something controversial or contrary, just to get a reaction and stir up an argument. Best ignored in my opinion, especially if an initial reasonable response by others just escalates.

[tunybgur]

I complained (very courteously) about some swearing (although asterisked) once and was told in no uncertain terms to mind my own business.

I guess I'm from the wrong generation.... fortunately this was an exception and the site hasn't degenerated to a medical version of other social media sites where this language is common currency, and consequently puts a lot of people off using them.

The times we live in......

[Yogi1950s]

Agree with Heyjude,

Freedom of speech does not mean freedom to say everything that you think both good and evil.

Hopefully the moderators will respond by blocking malicious hurt speakers whilst allowing genuine two sided debates which serves to inform and educate.

Choosing between the two can be like walking a very high wire with no safety device, but defending the weaker members of this society MUST be the moderators role, and they must act courageously in such defense.

[uzininemm]

Agree with you fully Thatswasunexpected, I can be tactless, clumsy (well know for it) and don't always say what I want in the right way!

I also wonder how much comes down to background, previous experiences and education etc.

This is a question for you due to your armed forces background could affect how people respond, for example I would expect it to be in a commanding, forthright straight to the point manner. Certainly in the job I did I saw this sought of thing from some managers who thought any other way was a sign of weakness!

[Mtk1]

just mention covid, maybe they will respond.

[Hidden]

The beauty of this group is to connect with others with similar experiences and health conditions. Like in real life, there are A holes and we all cant get on. So do what you would do in real life down the supermarket, ignore them. Let them be and say what they want. Its a free world and free speech. Especially on here, its even easier to ignore if you wish. We dont have a clue who is behind the words, so dont care about them too much either

[MWIC]

Please don’t leave a forum that you have found useful and where others find your presence useful because of a few idiots who can just be ignored

[gorillaqueen]

Thank you for contacting the moderators and please don’t leave don’t let them win.

[Hrty]

A lot of the problem is down to the lack of non verbal communication on forums. I suspect many of us have inadvertently caused offence where none was intended, I kbow I have.Sadly there will always be those who spoil for a fight or like to put others down. I find those best ignored either with or without the ability to permanently block them.

[Hidden]

Dear You,

Thank you for starting an interesting topic, by posting it you can see how this forum will move on when you and I have left it behind { for many reasons }.

I tend to think of forums as time sensitive , we all have a natural end to involvement in many things, this site included.

There are some really long term members on here which is unusual and yet it works to help push along problems as they manifest themselves .

The whole site is truly run by its members with a little background help from owners and modulators.

This is what makes it work, as folk step back from their involvement { again for many reasons } others will join, some new members will seem very failure, not only by their similar health journey but also by the way they conduct themselves through it.

Their names/age/sex will be different but you can see by the care that they have in answering posts, that they will take up the baton of help for as long as they wish to.

My time was coming to an end on here, but I had a massive setback { health wise } and this laptop sits next to one that I work on so I have continued for now,

but I know its a time thing.

Take care

[080311]

morning Heyjude31,

I have been a member on the forum for a long time, when we had less than 7,000 members. Over the past 7 months I haven’t been posting as I used to, trying to get through each day as best I can since John passed away, though checked in to see if everyone was doing okay.

Over these past few days I don’t know what has happened, to this forum. It always was a place to get support to get help from others who were going through or have had the same issues you had. You could laugh with someone over the absurdity of the situation we found ourselves in!

When John was taken so ill, it wasn’t heart related,( he had multiple strokes which left him with Dementia like symptoms) but the wonderful members gave me such support and love.

Surely just being human and having compassion for a member who is suffering not necessarily with a heart issue at the time is what life is all about.

Hope your doing well. Please reconsider leaving, this site needs members like you.

Best wishes Pauline

[Hidden]

I joined this forum following my being diagnosed with HF and AFib last summer. I was 74 and scared and I thought that, the experiences of other posters would help come to terms with my health condition and learn to live with it. I recognise that some of us are not having a good day all at the same time, Likewise I recognise that our experience of our particular condition, our meds and, our feelings vary considerably. I may not post that often but I look at the discussions every day. I’ve learnt a lot.

That said, I cannot understand why some posters feel it necessary to be nasty to others. I’ve experienced this on other types of online media which, is why I am no longer to be found on Faceache, Twitter etc. As for discussion forums I’ve had bad experiences on those too. Most notably, I left a forum centred on the ration soap, The Archers believe it or. That seemingly innocent forum had its fair share of trolls and other nasty individuals. I left it some years ago.

I can’t understand why we can’t just be nice to one another.

[Peter-l-h]

I am fairly new to the forum and took ‘leaving ‘ posts to be a sign of success. To be posts from people who had benefited from and contributed in the past but had recovered and felt they had no longer any up to date knowledge to contribute. I took a continuous’churn’ within membership to be natural and positive !

PH

[Anon2023 in reply to Peter-l-h]

if only people were leaving for that reason. Unfortunately they are leaving because cowardly and sad keyboard warriors are being a nuisance.

[Handel]

Judi. Thank you on behalf of us all for contacting the moderators. You've always been so helpful and understanding. Best wishes and love to you. Jan xxxx

[Anon2023]

I really hope that you don’t go. You are always very kind and helpful. The moderators might not respond, I reported a bit of a dodgy pm that I received and heard absolutely nothing back. I don’t know why they aren’t more proactive but I’m hoping that their lack of response doesn’t cause people like yourself to leave. Xx

[Afibflipper]

Thank you for doing that, you should have heart back you’re right - I’m guessing these perpetrators can just set up new accounts. This is why I hope people don’t leave (you included) as unfortunately it will probably continue. However, if everyone can click the Report button on these chancers then at the same time support and possible offer coping mechanisms to those affected - hopefully they’ll stay. There is so much good done by people on here to let the bad minority (trolls) get the better of people in need