Any help on a 10 year old please?

[liz1952]

Hi, my 10 year old granddaughter had open heart surgery in September to repair 2 holes in her heart . She has come through it just fine - thank you GOSH - no issues at all really, all she wanted to do was cartwheel, she can...so she's well on her way to recovery. ....However since surgery we've noted she gets angry very easily. This is so not her, she's always been sunny and placid, a really happy little girl. So, is this to do with the op ie a common reaction, or is it puberty kicking in and we just sit it out? Any opinions please? Out of synch from missing school ie friendship groups? Heads are spinning with thoughts, so ideas would be appreciated. Thank you x

[cappachina]

Hi Liz Adults after open heart surgery are often depressed and upset while they are recovering and for a 10 year she has been through a lot also puberty is probably playing a small part too. Just be there for her and if you can get her to talk about her feelings you may discover the root cause. I am sure she will come back to being your lovely precious placid girl. If she is back at school ask her teachers if it happens there Have they noticed a change in her ? if not she is probably venting all that has happened to her on the ones she is closest to Her surgeon will be able to reassure and help you if you let him know

[liz1952 in reply to cappachina]

Thank you, good sense x

[Milkfairy Heart Star]

Hello liz1952

Have you been able to speak as a family regarding how your grand daughter is feeling about her operation and her future?

Perhaps contact Great Ormond Street Hospital to ask if they can provide psychological support for her and you as a family?

There are also several charities and support groups who maybe able to help you further.

chfed.org.uk/how-we-help/

heartline.org.uk/

bhf.org.uk/informationsuppo...

Good luck.

[liz1952 in reply to Milkfairy]

Thank you for this. No...we probably don't talk enough...i think it's a matter of "thank God It's over, now let's move on". I 'll start the conversation again...

[HeartyJames]

What a load for her to go through. Just because she is now looking well and wanting to do a lot, she probably is not so good inside. No doubt had a lot of attention and concern in past few months, maybe not so much now and feels a bit funny by that if it suddenly changed. A bit of therapy might help to see what she feels or just talk to her, its probably just her getting on with life and coping strategy. Children bounce back so quickly. . Anyway, everyone has a right to have a moody day or angry. She has a lot that has gone on. Give her time, keep talking and lots of cuddles.

[liz1952 in reply to HeartyJames]

You are saying exactly the same as me. She talks to me a lot when I see her, but she lives over an hour away, so sadly that's not all the time. I think it's an accumulation of things, but just needed a second opinion - from those that know. Thank you x

[Hidden in reply to liz1952]

She most probably has a mobile phone so you could set up a whatsApp link with her and have regular chats with her on that, or even video chats! Send her appropriate pics of the snow in the garden, animals etc, and encourage her to do the same.

[liz1952 in reply to Hidden]

No, no mobile phone yet, but I will gratefully bear that in mind when she does x

[Andyman]

I'm a 69 year old man. When I had my heart attack and cardiac arrest I felt like a victim for months.But when I went back to work I went from calm to rage in seconds. People told me that I was still the same guy but something has changed.

I went to see a councillor who let me speak for a hour a visit and get it all out of me . She said that I had PTSD caused by facing death during my ordeal.

The talking really helped and she recommended that I find a course of Mindfulness.

Mindfulness has given me the tools to recognise my rage/anger and how to use my breathing centre to bring it under control. Really worked for me.

[liz1952 in reply to Andyman]

Oh Andyman, I am so sorry you too had to go through that, but glad Mindfulness has helped. Thank you for sharing this very personal account - I am going to discuss with my grandaughter when I see her next. x

[daveshop]

Hi Liz I'm not very good at doing things like this but I think when there s anything to do with heart it's very worrying for everyone involved ie family and friends my open heart surgery for a new value was very quick after being ill for a long time I never got time to think about it was just glad they had found what was wrong I came out of hospital done as I was told got better back to work then about 6 months after surgery i became very depressed very not like me couldn't understand why had great support and some medication iam now back to my old self off meds can only think it was the surgery apparently 1in 4 people do suffer depression after open heart surgery it sounds like your gran daughter has plenty of people looking out for her especially her nan I couldn't explain when people asked why I felt like I did but to anyone out there who may be suffering do not be scared to ask for help I thought my depression would never go but it has sorry to go on Liz hope this shows that it may be affecting her more than she knows I hope people's reply shelp you as they did me x

[liz1952 in reply to daveshop]

Oh daveshop, I'm sorry you went through all that, but so glad you are now on the mend. I do think it's an accumulation of things - writing on here and getting all these wonderful replies has helped clear that so much. I think she has been affected by the surgery , she was very scared before - asked us if she was going to die (still have trouble breathing when I think of that) , the shock of the op itself, loss of independence for a while, all the attention, gifts, affection from neighbours even (she's only human ☺️)then falling behind with friendship groups in school no matter how hard her mum tried to keep it up for her. then just simply being 10 and all the joy/horror of puberty. Too much for a little girl? Such a lovely special little girl at that.

[Suebedoo]

Hi Liz - after this type of operation, emotions can change for a while - I don't know why medically but it could just be the anaesthetic or it could be the change in oxygen levels, blood pressure etc. It will go off though as the body adapts to working in a much more normal way. It might not even be related to the op because 10 year old girls tend to be moody because their hormones are changing. Maybe keep a diary of her mood changes and see if there is a pattern.

[liz1952 in reply to Suebedoo]

Yes, reflects my thoughts, thank yo for taking the time to respond x

[Letsallhope1]

I’d try to get some support for her in the form of counselling/child psychologist, this for me should be done even if her rage is not because of the surgery, simply to help her making sense of it all.

maybe a place to start could be Great Ormond street hospital.

Psychological support is offered for adult patients, cannot see why it would not be available for children.

All the best and glad the surgery went well!

[liz1952 in reply to Letsallhope1]

Thank you Letsallhope1, I'll certainly look in to this. The more help the better

[Hidden]

The 30 yr old brother of an American relative (by marriage) recently had a second heart transplant-his first was at 8 and was not fully successful, but he seems to be making leaps and bounds now. They have both been given another chance at life, and while your g- daughter won't understand the implications of her surgery yet, encourage her to enjoy life, especially now while there are no heavy 'what if's' in her mind. Talk about things she is going to be able to do, places to go, etc. Talk is often the last thing people want or are able to do easily, but it really is one of the best therapies and it's cheap! Good luck! Christmas is around the corner!

[liz1952 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, sound advice x