Severe anxiety about my mum who’s about to have a heart operation 😞

[CaraBee]

Hello all,

I’ve come here because I don’t know where else to go. I have hypochondria since 2020 and I have anxiety about my health and the health of my loved ones. My mum recently went for a pre-op for her heart valve surgery and they discovered fluid on her lungs so rushed her into HDU. I had an emotional breakdown and almost passed out with the worry that she was going to die. It’s the worse I’ve ever been in my life. Even my dad who was also worried but not at hysterical as me was shocked at my reaction.

The doctors have said they want to move her surgery forward as her heart is worse than they thought. She is fine in the ward socialising and on her iPad but she’s in London hospital and we have had to come home 2 hours away as we had no money left to stay in hotels. I can’t sleep or eat and I’m constantly shaking and texting her or calling her. I’m trying to stay calm in front of her so she doesn’t know. But I keep crying and praying she will be ok. Myself and my husband have also just started fertility treatment so the stress is not good for us when trying to conceive and plus I really can’t think about it right now. I don’t know how to cope with this, my doctors can’t help they have no appointments until late August. Any advice would be great and I wish all those going for surgery soon all the best health and smooth recovery ❤️‍🩹

Thank you for taking the time to read,

Cara x

[Ageingfast]

hello very worried little bee.

I had a replacement valve four years ago. In Cromwell hospital, central London, about two or three hours from home. The staff were simply wonderful. I found it better to have no visitors. So don’t panic over visiting. The last thing I needed was visitors.

HDU is just an area where you are monitored more than a general ward. Mum will go in to ICU for a while after the op. Then back to HDU then back to her ward, most probably a single room.

If you can, stop excessive contact with mum. You are not able to help her whereas staff on a cardiac ward can help her all she needs. By all means carry on praying.

The op is very safe. My surgeon had a 99%. Success rate.its a long op and an even longer recovery period. Mum will need to go somewhere she will get some day to day help. Perhaps you can concentrate on the after care, organising somewhere for Mum to recover for about three months.

I found it a wonderful experience. So nice to go home to my wife and my cat. I got given my life back.

Best wishes

Sooty

[BeKind28-]

Hello

I have always had health anxiety so I know how it feels and when anyone close to me was ill I would be just like you and now it is me that has the problems and my health anxiety is way out of control just like yours feels at the moment which is not a very nice feeling

But this is your Mum so of course without health anxiety you would be worried just when we have it we worry 1000% more and it is very hard to control

I try and reason with myself not always easy but with your situation I would be saying that many have had this before and they have been fine and no reason my Mum will not be

She is in safe hands

She sounds well and she is in the best place she can be so she can get well and back home with us

It will be a very anxious time but these kind of things they deal with every day with a high success rate so try not to make yourself ill because your Mum will need your support after and you will want to be there to give it her feeling able to do so

Try and start looking after yourself so you can look after your Mum when she needs you and so you can allow that fertility treatment to have the best chance of working think of what a lovely present to your Mum when she is well again that would be to tell her fingers crossed

Let us know how you get on and how your Mum is to x

[Islandguy2024]

Hi CaraBee

Firstly your emotional response is totally normal so don’t feel like you’re being unreasonable. I was very much the same when my mum went into surgery years ago.

Fast forward to earlier this year, I myself underwent open heart surgery and trust me when I tell you these specialists perform these procedures ALL the time and the success rate is 99%. I’d never undergone surgery before but my experience was literally like I blinked my eyes and it was all done.. I didn’t even remember falling asleep! Post operation they pump you with so many painkillers you don’t feel a thing.. if anything you’re on a high… just a little discomfort from the tubes but this is only for 3-4 days post op.

Your mum is in the BEST hands she can be in. In terms of visitation my personal preference was to just be left alone. Your mum will for the most part feel knackered all the time and just want to sleep, which is totally normal as her body needs all the energy to heal. I remember the thought of entertaining visitors was the last thing I wanted!

I won’t pretend it’s been easy since coming home, BUT it is a hell of a lot better than my imagination lead me to believe and as long as she continues to take the prescribed pain relief she will be fine. I was mobile and walking independently after 3 days from the operation and now 4 months post op I’m doing great, working out to get strong again and attending my rehab classes

Good luck!

[Rhinos67]

Hi thereYour anxiety is totally understandable, but to reassure you a little the surgeons do so many valve replacement surgeries that it's their equivalent of a dentist removing a tooth.

I had my valve replaced in April 22. It wasn't totally smooth sailing for me, but I'm now totally recovered. I totally went to pieces when I was told I'd need OHS and couldn't eat or sleep. I ended up paying for counselling before my GP referred me for Clinical Psychologist sessions as I was in such a state and surgery couldn't have gone ahead with me like that.

You need to look after yourself, your Mum will need you post surgery. She'll be pretty much helpless for the first month or so. Maybe try guided meditation, I listen to that and relaxing sounds on my Echo when I'm feeling stressed or anxious.

I'm a member of a Facebook group UK Aortic and Heart Defects Pre and Post surgery. There are over 500 members, some waiting for surgery and seeking support and reassurance, some post surgery giving the help and support and some family and friends wanting to know how best to help their loved ones, but also to get support. You are very welcome to join and I know that there are several who are older than your mum and who are now fighting fit

Take Care-Joanne ☺️

[Bluey73]

I can totally understand your anxiety.I am 51, always been relaxed about life & never worried about anything in my life until the day we were told my boyfriend needs heart surgery. Bang, hit me like a sack of spuds and I've been worried ever since, however I take great comfort from reading people's positive experiences on here and I know I have no control over the situation, so I have to try to be strong for me & my other half. His surgery is this Friday.

It sounds like your Mum is in safe hands - I know you are worried, but you need to look after yourself too.

Thinking of you, everything will be good for your Mum, it's just hard to see that right now.

Look after yourself x