Causing myself such anxiety - Thoughts appreciated

[redimps]

Good Morning. Would really appreciate thoughts. I had a massive heart attack 1 year ago with complications and then pericarditis and angina. Follow up angiogram in June showed bulging arteries with sluggish blood flow, plan for treatment still to be decided. I have periods of chest pain and breathlessness. I lost my job as a result of the heart attack ( long story and unsupportive employer) . I am 62. I got it into my head I felt guilty for not working and applied for a job and was successful at interview, I have accepted a conditional offer and due to start in 2 weeks. I am having massive second thoughts about long days and a 45 minute commute each way and realise I don't feel I can cope with this. I have had a recent ( last week) health assessment which has deemed me unfit for work. I am not sleeping and constantly worrying about: should I start and see what happens, shall I just say I am not starting ( am worrying about letting people down) will I regret it if I don't try, will I make my health worse by trying to work. Sorry for the long post but can't seem to work things out

[Mex2253]

Hi fella..life too short..if you cannot cope then don’t do it..the system is in place to help you when you are struggling..you are not a sponger.. you paid in..time for some of it back..best of luck..

[redimps in reply to Mex2253]

Thanks for your reply, know you are right, I just need to tell my head that!

[Jetcat in reply to redimps]

I agree with mex. and starting work at this moment in time may just add more worry and stress to your life too which you can do without. Leave the job hunting to a later date mate.👍

[redimps in reply to Jetcat]

Thankyou for your reply, you are right and good advice thankyou

[Jetcat in reply to redimps]

👍

[Kaisnan in reply to Jetcat]

Don' t give yourself more stress - you're better off giving up new job now rather than later and perhaps upsetting employers. All the best of luck to you

[redimps in reply to Kaisnan]

Thankyou so much for your reply Kaisnan, it has been such a hard few days but I have now let them know I won't be taking the job. Whilst I feel better for having made the decision I do feel sad and frustrated by the whole situation and still feel very guilty for not working even though I have been deemed unfit for work and know deep down I am not well enough

[Jetcat in reply to Kaisnan]

hi kaisnan, I think that was meant for Redimps mate.👍

[Rose54]

Says it all in your post Health assessment deemed you unfit for work.

So you should not even be thinking about it .

Do put your health first

[redimps in reply to Rose54]

Thankyou Rose54, I know that you are right, feel I have got myself into a right predicament and am letting people down. Feeling very stressed and down about everything, including ongoing health issues and feel as though I have been very silly even applying for the job

[Rose54 in reply to redimps]

Just explain it to them don’t feel guilty spend time doing things you enjoy and destress

[redimps in reply to Rose54]

Thankyou x

[junik53 in reply to redimps]

Make the decision,tell the new employer that you are sorry but have been declared unfit for work.You will then feel so much better,and I am sure they will appreciate your honesty. Good luck. Do it today

[redimps in reply to junik53]

Hi junuk53, thankyou so much. I did do it this morning, haven't had any response from them which is now making me feel dreadful but it is done. I am sure I will feel better when I get a response ( if I do)

[Hidden]

Hello

Nowadays to be classed unfit for work you have to be really unfit for work as most they will say are fit when they are not so reading your post that says it all

Why do you feel guilty ?

Ask yourself did you ask to be unfit for work ?

Did you ask for this condition ?

No you did not it is one of those things that can happen

There is no reason to feel guilty but what you need to do is look after yourself and your health and put those first and if you don't then you should feel guilty because you are the most important person in your life and you have to take care of you x

[redimps in reply to Hidden]

Ah thankyou BeKind28. I don't know why I feel guilty. I have really tried hard to accept the changes that this health event has caused, going from a strong independent woman, contributing in a big way to our household income, working over and above in a very stressful busy job, active and running around and looking after grandchildren but have found the changes so difficult especially when still not feeling as I should. Now I have the addition of feeling as though I am letting these people down by changing my mind and telling them I won't be starting the job even when I know it would be the right decision. I feel as though I have nothing left of 'me' , and am becoming so insular, anxious and withdrawn. I do know deep down that not working is the right thing especially after having the assessment say I am deemed not fit for work. I know I should be so grateful to be here ( I very nearly wasn't) and should think about me but it's not something I have ever done and it's hard.

[Hidden in reply to redimps]

Hello

When I read your reply it sounds like you have already given such a lot over the years and as we say paid your dues , can you look at this as an early retirement maybe ?

The only person you will let down if you take a job that you know is to much for you is you as your body will soon let you know then you no doubt would have to give the job up and again would you then feel you were letting them down because you started it when deep down you knew it was to much for you , I am sure they can fill the position if you let them know as soon as possible and if you are honest with them they will appreciate your honesty to

As for your family they just want you

Have you spoken to them honestly and let them know everything you are feeling I am sure they will reassure you

When any of us gets a heart diagnosis we all struggle to adapt and in some cases find the new you as well as a new way of life but in time we do and you will to

You really need to let go of all this guilt for some reason you are carrying around , ask yourself if this was say your Husband ( if you are married ) what would you be advising him to do ?

I am sure it would be to make sure he looks after himself and even thanking him for all he has done like you should be thinking of all you have done but now it's time to slow down

A job with an income is no good if it makes your health worse

You need to give yourself a break try and accept things as they are now ( I know not always easy ) and things will happen in time you will build a future where you feel fulfilled but for now please be kind to yourself you deserve it x

[redimps in reply to Hidden]

Thankyou so much BeKind28. Everything you say is so right and I will try hard to accept things as they are now, let go of the guilt and look to other ways of feeling fulfilled x

[Hidden in reply to redimps]

Hello

Take it slowly think you are on Holiday

Hope if you have time you will let us know how you are getting on x

[redimps in reply to Hidden]

I will thankyou so much x

[Hidden in reply to redimps]

x

[Heyjude31]

Hello redimps, I had CABG x 4 nearly a year ago. Up until my heart attack I had run my own little business for 4 years after nearly 40 years in the Corporate world. I loved my life, as you said contributing, looking after grandkids and being very independent. Now I am still getting used to my new life…..which is still hard. I am very grateful for all the help and support I have had including the amazing team at the hospital. I have slowly had to learn to be kind to myself and not worry about letting people down.

I may still do some work even though my family say I have done enough! My advice would be to not feel guilty, as others have said life is too short, be kind to yourself. Take good care, Judi

[redimps in reply to Heyjude31]

Hi It sounds as though you have also had lots of changes to make. I will try and be kind to myself and yes I do need to not worry so much about letting others down. I also may do some work in the future but I have come to realise over the past couple of weeks that the time is not right now, I am stressing and worrying already before even starting the job I have been offered and I know that at the moment it would be too much for me. Thankyou and take care too x

[uzininemm]

I am sorry how you currently are, and as you already know don't go back to work and don't feel guilty about it, if anyone try's to make you so, walk away and ignore them.

I know you say you may do some work in the future, all I can say is treat this as one of your long term challenges which you can aim to achieve once you are well again.

In the meantime, get better and set some basic challenges based on that, (I found it has been so beneficial mentally/physically for me when I have done so).

Take care.

[redimps in reply to uzininemm]

Thankyou uzininemm, such good advice. I keep going from one decision to another about whether I should start this job but I just know it is not the right thing to do but then start to think I should be better by now and back at work. I know deep down and have a health assessment that tells me I am not fit for work but I guess I just so wanted to try and be back to some sort of normality. You advice about challenges is good and I will start thinking about that

[uzininemm in reply to redimps]

Hello again I am glad you are making the right decisions, in regards to getting back to normal, don't think that way as you have a new normal now. Whilst there are some things you can't do, there are many things you can, are the things which you used to enjoy but went to the wayside due to changes in circumstances, which you could pick up again or new things which you thought of trying but never had?

I wish what had happened to me hadn't however it has certainly changed my approach to living. I do have the odd down time however 15 months on I no longer think of what I haven't got/or what I can't do I just get on with making the best of what I have (and yes those personal challenges still evolve

😀)

I am sure you will get there.

[GKAAA]

Hi there,Reading your post was like reading my own story, i have felt every emotion, it is one emotional roller coaster, my family tell me like I am a strong woman, I am really going to miss my job, my independance, my imput into society. I have nerver been in this position before and feel , like you, I am letting everyone down, including myself. I spoke with my Doctor and he suggested I see a Psychologist, (which I was not happy about,) but in hindsight she has been amazing, she has given me some of my confidence back, I have come to understand I am going through a grieving process, like you I didnt want this kind of life, it wasnt in my plan, but thats life and I am setting myself small goals and challenges, I hope this helps but please remember this

Don't be so hard on yourself, remeber everybody has a chapter they don't like, take a moment, sit back, and marvel at your life, at the mistakes that gave you wisdom at the suffering that gave you strength. Despite everything you still move forward, be proud of this. Continue to endure, continoue to persevere and remember, no matter how dark it gets, the sun will rise again. x

[redimps in reply to GKAAA]

Oh GKAAA thankyou so much, It is a rollercoaster and I will try hard and think about your lovely words and set some goals and that may not involve work at the moment but I need to be content with other things just now. Maybe I will speak with the DR as do feel very down but have had some great words and feedback on here. Thankyou again x

[Sopi]

I sometimes feel low and worry a lot about the fact I have had a heart attack. Mine was over two years ago now. I try and get involved in things to forget about it. Try yoga. Are you from Lincoln? I.e Red Imps

[redimps in reply to Sopi]

Hi Sopi , Thankyou and I think yoga sounds a great idea, I will look into that. I think I need to stop beating myself up and feeling guilty but not easy. I am from near Lincoln yes and you must be if you are aware of the Red Imps! x

[Sopi]

Yes a big supporter who like you worries about my condition

[Zbignieva]

I agree with the yoga, it has been amazing in my recovery, I use an app called downdog.

I think if you have been assessed to not work right now, then you don’t work.

Does this mean you will never work again? No, you can reassess this when your medical situation is more certain.

Does not working mean you have less value in society? No, there is a place for the wisdom and experience of our elders?

Does this mean you get to take some time to take care of yourself? Yes, it does. Women are so good taking care of others and forget themselves.

There is almost always a silver lining in every difficult life experience, you just have look for it.

[redimps in reply to Zbignieva]

Hi Zbignieva, Thankyou so much for your reply. You are so right in all you say and I am definitely going to look into yoga. Over the last few days I have been able to look at things more clearly and have turned down the job, although still not feeling much better about it all. Whilst I know it is the right decision, I can't help feeling some regret and frustration at the whole situation. Thankyou for your wise words

[Drummerstu]

Hi, I had a widow maker last year and have bounced back. The key is to not react to your thoughts that have programmed your behaviour and everyone else's for the matter as a result of their life experiences. Accept the situation but challenge the thoughts by realising you don't have to react to them. This takes time and practice......God Bless.

[redimps in reply to Drummerstu]

Thankyou so much for your kind words and I am pleased you are doing well. I will take some time and practice your suggestions