As a lot of you might be aware I haven’t been posting on the Forum much this year, my husband was taken into hospital in January I became his carer in 2016 5 weeks after my open heart surgery. He had a huge stroke. January he had multiple strokes and I am afraid it scrambled his brain. The love of my life passed away 2 weeks ago, his poor body couldn’t take anymore. Our sons managed to get here the youngest before he died the eldest in Australia just after. Craig is flying home to Australia today, so will try and get my life in some sort of order.
So yesterday I was at the hospital for my 5 year review, as Craig was with me and flying home they gave a verbal account of my tests so he could go home and not be worried! my tissue valve is doing well, one number was up a little but just in line with a 5 year old valve, though it’s only a month short of 6 years old. Had a couple of things I wanted to discuss, my left ankle as been swelling at the end of the day they said it could be heart related but because of the running round I have been doing most likely it will settle back down as l get things sorted. My blood pressure is on the low side but I am doing all the right things make sure I drink lots of fluids. They had a conversation about what would happen when and if the valve will need replacing! Felt a bit like I was the child and he was the parent!😂.
Once I get my head round what as happened I will be back, 52 years of marriage and now on my own takes some getting used too!
Best wishes to you all
Pauline xx
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I am so sorry to hear of your ordeal and wishing you all the best. I have been caring for my husband since 2015 - he has hypoxic brain injury since suffering 6 cardiac arrests so I have a little understanding of what you have been through. Sadly my husband suffered a couple of strokes 2 years ago which has made things more challenging - as you will appreciate.... I feel for you after all this time being a couple... and I wish you all the strength you can muster. As we say here in Aotearoa - kia kaha - stay strong!
Pauline, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your husband. I hope you can take some comfort from knowing that nobody could have asked more from you, your love & care for him shone through with everything you posted. Massive hugs for you, 52 years of memories I hope will sustain you until you meet again.
I also hope you give yourself the time & space to grieve but also remember your health matters as well xx
So sorry for your loss, Pauline, knowing how much you both meant to each other. We know you are very strong, and have a loving family to support you, albeit some of them from afar.Thank you for all the support you have given me and numerous others; now it's time to take care of yourself.
My thoughts and prayers are for you today.Bless you.
Blackcatsooty
Hello Pauline
I was dreading seeing a post from you with the news John is no longer with us I have tears rolling down my face as I write
I am so very sorry and at times like this words just not seem enough to comfort someone and if anyone needs comfort it is you
I will never forget when my stool sample went missing and you asked if you could tell John and I always saw you both on here when we talked so it was obvious to me you included and told John and it made him laugh
I like to think that when we lose someone they are not gone but waiting in another room for uus for when it is time to join them and John is there waiting even though he will have to wait a long time as you are so strong he will be there and you will see the love of your life once again meanwhile that heart of yours will carry that love that can never be lost
Your Son's are what John has left reminding you every single day what a wonderful life you had together and what you both brought in this world John is still very much a part of this world every time you look at your wonderful Sons
I think that was a good appointment you had yesterday and considering you have been through such a lot I think everything will settle down to
I see life as a book as one chapter closes another one opens , you have a new chapter opening not easy to start with but I believe as you start to eventually it will be different but get easier and John again will be in that new chapter in your memories which are there forever
Pauline you were and are one person that has always been so kind to me , understanding , compassionate and encouraging when I have been at my lowest know we are all here to give you back what you have given so many others
My sincere condolences and my thoughts are with you
I'm so sorry for your loss, Pauline. You are in my thoughts. You will have to put yourself first now, try to rest as much as you can, as you have been through the mill lately.It will be hard to adjust without your hubby but from what I read in your posts your family are a great support.
My very deepest sympathy on the loss of your beloved husband. Being also his carer for so long changes a relationship and makes it even harder to adapt when they have taken up your every waking thought.
So very sorry for your loss Pauline. You have provided so much support to others on this forum, i sincerely hope you take some time for you. Sending sincere good wishes to you and big hugs. Judi 🤗🤗🤗🤗
So very sorry to hear of your sad loss. I know from experience how this feels (many of us on here do). No advice just take it one day at a time...it's a long journey but you will get there in the end. So lucky you have the support of your sons and hopefully other family and friends. Thoughts with you and sending love, hugs and a virtual hand hold and flowers ❤️🤗💐
Post as often as you need to help you through the saddest of times xxx
So sorry to read of John’s passing, you and your family will miss him. Good news for you that your valve is ‘doing ok’, - long may it continue.Sending you a hug.
So so sorry to hear your sad news, Pauline, like others have said take one day at a time & it will be time to look after yourself & your heart. RIP John 🙏🏻 🙏🏻
I'm really sorry to hear the news Pauline. My condolences to you and your family. You have had many years caring for your husband, now it is time to look after yourself. I hope that family and friends rally round and maintain regular contact.
Sending my condolences to you and your family - be gentle with yourself on your path of grief , be with kind people .... in time hopefully you can start to see a new chapter in your life , one that includes better health for yourself and you can focus more on that , I’m sure your husband would want this for you xx
Pauline, I'm so sorry to hear you have lost your dear husband, and the worries you still have to face. I hope the way will soon be made easier for you. ❤️
Pauline you have had some beautiful posts. I’ve never posted to you before but my heart is with you. It’s good we have here to reach out and contect with lovely thoughtful people. X
So sorry Pauline to hear of your loss, John will be looking down on you with a huge smile with how well you have coped with everything and still do. Sending lots of love. Xxx .
Oh my goodness, I am so sorry for your loss, must feel like you’ve lost your right arm. My parents were married 52 years when my mum passed away. Sending you lots of love and strength. X
I am so sorry to hear that Pauline, I send my condolences to you and your family char xx
Dear Pauline,
There is just no words to help ease the pain that you are in, you are not alone in that limbo feeling as the past moves away from you and the light of your future gets brighter, which it will, I promise.
The pain of grief and sorrow can be overwhelming at times but l found when l lost my lovely husband l did have good days and the good days increased over time. You will never forget but it will slowly get better even if you don’t feel it will. My faith in God was a great comfort. “Tears will last a night but joy will come in the morning.” One of his many promises. Many prayers for you at this time. Take care and eat well. Christine.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I shall be praying for you . God is there for you . Talk to him about your fears and he will give you the strength you need at the moment. Hugs 🤗
Try to join some groups of newly widowed people, in real life and online. Sharing is caring. Groups and plan for a trip to Australia. Look for a travel insurance for age with medical conditions. Fit with Aust Medicare. Plan holiday wardrobe. Have a clean out. Plan for house. You will be busy . Time will pass.
Hello Pauline. I know that we've been messaging each other a little and I was aware that John had passed a little while ago but thank you for having the strength to let everyone else know. Your results are nigh on perfect so that's good.
I hope everything goes well for you.
You've been an inspiration and a guardian angel to many on this forum, me included, and I just want to thank you for that.
Sending love, big virtual hugs and comforting cuddles. Jan xxx
Thought I would let the forum know about Johns passing.
Felt strong enough to write.
As you know as I have told you before you have been a tower of strength to me over these last few months, I know I could pass you on the street and not know you but the comfort you have given me I count you as a really good friend.
Just had a message from Craig he as just landed back in Australia. Paul is flying back Tuesday, so have a few days on my own. Time to think! Just don’t seem to have had time!
As I posted my review went well, because Craig was with me and flying home they gave a verbal report and didn’t have to wait for the letter, and things are good. They were doing my echocardiogram and I swear I could hear Johns voice in my ear saying stop worrying the valve is doing ok!
Hello Pauline. You're a good friend of mine too. This forum has given so many people the comfort and help they need in darkest times. You have been one of those who has helped so many people.John will stay with you now, if not physically, then certainly in that mended heart of yours. I'm not surprised you could hear John's voice with his words of encouragement.
You've got a little time to yourself now to organise your thoughts and your life. I'm so glad Craig landed safely and you have Paul coming on Tuesday.
With all our love and best wishes and a big thank you to you too for - well - just being there.
Ah, Pauline, so sorry to hear of John's passing. So glad at least one of your sons made it over in time, and I'm sure both have been a great comfort to you. Do look after yourself; your own body seems to be behaving, so make sure it stays that way xx
So sorry for the loss of your dear husband and the ordeal you've gone through these past few years😘 Your check up seems positive, keep strong dear and take good care of yourself💕
So sorry to read this Pauline condolences to you and your family.As someone with 2 sons and widowed after 46 years of marriage I can relate to what you are saying especially when it comes to your sons becoming the parent. Take time to adjust and be kind and tolerant towards yourself and most importantly look after your own health. Take care.
Pauline, I am so sorry about the loss of your husband. 52 years was a long marriage and you were blessed to find the right person for all of those years. It will take time to get used to being alone so please be kind to yourself. Allow grief when that is what you feel, but also allow yourself to feel joy when you think of a happy or funny memory with your husband.
I don’t really have the words to fully express my empathy with what you are going through right now, but you are not really alone. You have the kind thoughts and prayers of all of us on this forum.
Pauline I am so sorry for your loss, as you say 52 years of marriage is the chunk of your life.
You will now have to find a new normal, that is hard enough when you are well, a lot harder when you have your own health problems.
I bet it was a huge support your son being at the hospital with you for your review but I can only image how hard it will be when your son returns to Australia (if he hasn't already gone)
I bet you have some wonderful memories over the 52 years so when you feel down try and focus on these.
I hope you have some support close to home to help with your medical appointments, you know there is a lot of support here if you need to vent, whatever helps.
Take care of yourself, you have had a stressful and busy time, time to put your feet up and reflect on recent events.
Really sorry to hear of your husbands passing. It's a lot to take in after so many years of marriage isnt it. One of my closest friends lost her husband of 50years last year and it knocked her for six. She too has health issues and it must just add to the pain and loss, not having someone there.
I will say, that a year on and she is doing a lot better and now finding her feet a little.
Morning Jane,It’s been, a very hard 5 months, trying to keep going. His poor body took such a pounding. He wouldn’t want me to give up. I had my 5 year review last week and I swear I could hear his voice in my ear saying stop worrying the valve is fine.
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Life changing event
Relationship changed after CABG - no physical relationship for years 
Life Changing Event's
My life after heart problems. its very different, but it mostly works.
