Fear: I'm scared of everything....im... - British Heart Fou...

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Fear

Dawnmarie78 profile image
51 Replies

I'm scared of everything....im scared of over doing it, im scared of every niggle, every pain or ache , all I do is worry that its going to happen again ...does this ever go away ??

I'd so love to go back to living and not worrying constantly, I don't know how to move past it 😔

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Dawnmarie78 profile image
Dawnmarie78
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51 Replies
tortoiseowner profile image
tortoiseowner

Hi Dawn, I am a year down the line, and honestly, I don't know if it truly goes. It does get better, I am working on the theory that time heals everything, but I am trying to use the theory that if its on my mind a little it is a reminder to keep eating properly and to try to do all the things the leaflets tell us to. You have to give yourself time and hopefully with a supportive family you will start to have times when it isn't even in your mind

Heyjude31 profile image
Heyjude31

Hello Dawnmarie78, I think a lot of us on this forum can relate to exactly what you are saying and feeling. Ultimately if you are very worried you should always speak with your GP or a Cardiac rehab nurse. Have you started rehab? I am 8 months post cabgx4 and I get days when I am incredibly anxious and like you think every twinge is another heart attack waiting to happen. I try and distract myself by doing some gardening, reading, spending time with family. The mind is very powerful and we need to try and control it and not let it control us. I am having counselling at the moment. Cardiac events such as ours can lead to PTSD and there is no shame in asking for help. It will get better but you need to give yourself time and seek some help. We are all here to support you, it is still early days for you. For a lot of us I think the physical recovery can be alot easier than the psychological recovery. I do hope you are able to seek some reassurances. Take care, Judi

Dawnmarie78 profile image
Dawnmarie78 in reply to Heyjude31

Thankyou for your reply , I've just started my rehab, only a week ago , so a long way to go with that , im just over 5 months since the heart attack so I guess it's maybe still early days , so hard to control the way I'm feeling 😔 x

Bobbers950 profile image
Bobbers950 in reply to Dawnmarie78

What your feeling is very normal . Cardio rehab will help especially if you do some of the exercises at home and talk to the nurses about how you feel . Having had open heart surgery I have been very anxious and nervous but I am coming to terms with it and confident that I should and must get on with things . My heart is fixed , it’s my general fitness that needs working on . Mentally it’s takes time to get over the whole thing and it’s very normal what you are feeling . Good luck and live your life to the full 👍

Heather1957 profile image
Heather1957

Dawn, what you are feeling is perfectly natural although I know that won't make you feel any better.

I have had bypass surgery back in 2017 and 2 stents in October last year after the return of the angina.

I try and be logical about any pain or discomfort feelings in an effort to control any panic.

The angina pain in my case was easily recognisable so if that starts I'll use the spray and if it continues or get worse I'll get to the hospital or call 999.

I often get muscular pain or other kinds of pains in my chest, I try and lie still and work out where it is, so far I just know it is muscular so pop a few pain killers and so far that has worked, again if I wasn't sure or got worse I would get to the hospital or dial 999.

I have a relative who presents at the A & E dept at least once a month, either with heart palpitations, stroke head aches, blood pressure problems and anything else you can think of and every time she gets referred back to her GP as they can't find anything wrong, she is most definitely a hypochondriac. YOU ARE NOT.

You have had a stent fitted, I believe you had a heart attack last year so have every reason to be concerned.

Think it through as logically as you can but if in doubt seek medical support.

Most of us on here who have suffered some kind of cardiac event also have some kind of anxiety, talking about it helps so don't be afraid to keep asking the questions. Don't beat yourself up for having the feelings you do, you are most definitely not alone.

Dawnmarie78 profile image
Dawnmarie78 in reply to Heather1957

Thankyou so much , the reassurance of the people on this page is massively helpful x

bikerider2022 profile image
bikerider2022

HI, as people have said, chat to a cardiac nurse, a GP or someone in rehab if that was offered. It never does fully go away, BUT it does get easier to carry on and go back what you were doing. It takes time and patience.

Manycatsdad profile image
Manycatsdad

Hi Dawn, This is my first visit here, and I am really glad you asked that question! My heart attack was in Jan 2021, and I suffer the heebie-jeebies on the hour, every hour. Reading the excellent responses here, I guess it's something we simply have to accommodate into our lives, but not let it rule us. [By the way, Thatwasunexpected's advice on exercise is spot-on. Yesterday, I walked up a steep hill and was rewarded with a wonderful view. I don't think I gave my ticker a single thought the entire time.]

Manycatsdad profile image
Manycatsdad

For me, nights are difficult. When I lie on my left, I fancy I can feel my heart being squashed and the stents doing something odd. The Dr assures me all is fine, but I struggle to believe him. Having said that, when I wake up, I often find myself lying in the problem position, not experiencing ANY problem!🤔 So, I know it's all in my mind. I find listening to the radio helps - especially when it's people quietly chatting.

Fair1 profile image
Fair1

You are doing great baby steps I have eight stents and only one valve working but on here you have genuine people to help you through every thing step by step keep up the good work people

Hello :-)

I wish I could give you a big hug and let you know how you are not alone but sending a big virtual one instead :-)

When I first joined this site waiting for my Bypass operation I really felt the odd one out if I am honest because I seemed to be one of a few that was not coping and had dreadful anxiety and sometimes comments would reflect this was not an anxiety site and maybe people with anxiety should not be on here

I did leave at one stage and then I came back thinking but hang on a minute , I am an anxious person and yes an anxiety site can help with that but the reason I am such a huge mess now is because I have had 3 heart attacks waiting for a Bypass op ( which I have had now ) and mentally I am just not coping due to what I have been through regarding my heart

I have carried on more at times about the mental side to this how it can affect some of us rather than how it has affected me physically and I have slowly noticed more people are speaking out about how it has affected them regarding anxiety and how they just can't stop the fear and I feel we need to talk about it as their are two sides to heart related issues the physical side and the mental side and they for some go hand in hand this is such a huge life changing event that has happened and both need treating with the same care and compassion as you have said you want to get on with your life and physically you no doubt are fit enough but the mental side is dragging you back and I know only to well how it feels as I am in the same place as you are

Even after a Bypass op I am now so elert to every twinge I drive myself mad , I have flashbacks of what happened to me all the time and any other physical issues other than the heart because of what happened with my heart they now have become life threatening in my mind as well

I do everything in my power to try and get this all in control , I get frustrated because I can repeat the answers to all this yet I cannot do it and that is so annoying

I have searched for help and support and I am not sure if it is a lottery but where I am there just does not seem to be any so I have done everything I can to try and help myself it just does not seem to be out there and I hope eventually people will realise for lots of us that have heart conditions physically and mentally both can need support and both can be as equally important as if not we end up feeling like we do living in fear if having a stent or a Bypass op we should with the right support be able to get on with our life's

I have no magic answers I wished I did I would certainly share it with you but I can say what you are going through you are not alone , look for all the support you can possibly get if there is any near you and keep talking with others that are struggling to as knowing it is not just you even though I would not wish anyone else to feel this way does help as you know you are not alone and you are not alone :-)

One day at a time just tell yourself :-)

For today everything will be ok and hopefully as time goes on your confidence like mine will slowly start to come back :-) x

Dawnmarie78 profile image
Dawnmarie78 in reply to

Thankyou 😊 .... ive found, other than this site there is no support anywhere , I'm just over 5 months since my heart attack and other than just starting cardiac rehab I've not seen anyone , I've been to a&e loads of times and just been sent home after being told I've got a chest infection, I've not even had a follow up with cardiologist.... I feel like I had my heart attack, had my stent fitted and was just sent home to deal with it all on my own .... x

in reply to Dawnmarie78

Hello :-)

I am surprised as it is now 5 months you have had no follow ups I would have thought you would have

You need to speak out I know it is not always easy I struggle but then I think this is my body so as to say if I do not fight for it who will ?

I would certainly mention this concern to the Rehab team which I am glad you have now started and hope it starts to help and I would also tell my Doctor exactly what you have said to me and ask them is their no follow up ?

I would tell them how it is affecting you so badly and let them know you need help and support of some kind

Give those Rehab classes a chance and do not be afraid to speak about how you feel when you are there and I really hope they start to help make a difference :-) x

RufusScamp profile image
RufusScamp

A friend of mine had a bad heart attack, and followed advice carefully. Soon, he was far healthier and fitter than he had been for many years. His wife too, as she joined in with him. It is a real worry, but things can improve.

SmokeAKipper profile image
SmokeAKipper

It’s not easy... people don’t realise what your going through. But it gets better, you get to a stage where it’s too much then you start to mentally heal.

Do things slowly like appreciate getting up each morning. Your a survivor you have a new chance at life.

Positive steps check weight... if over weight... then challenge yourself... couch to 5 km walks nearby? Swimming challenge... Yoga with goats ..l go to a comedy club... vegan diet... print out side affect of all your drugs and see an expert

Lupaal profile image
Lupaal

I feel exactly the same. Have no idea how to overcome it.

Fair1 profile image
Fair1 in reply to Lupaal

It’s a shock it’s taken me a year to find this page and boy what a eye opener all on here have done the long walk weather they wanted to or not just know you have support here just take it one step at a time and if you feel blue drop a chat

R3mi profile image
R3mi

Hi DawnThere is an old saying what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I don’t know a single person who doesn’t worry about something. So welcome to the club.

Next time you worry about something at the same time watch the second hand on a clock and check the time that worry it lasted.

sampaloc0624 profile image
sampaloc0624

Its ok to be scared, also ok to worry. What is not ok is you dont feel anything anymore. Hehehe.

Seriously, its really ok, then you become careful.

Stay safe and healthy!

Neil2566 profile image
Neil2566

Hi,

Your bio indicates you are still smoking, you will have been advised to stop smoking by your cardiology team.

I can assure you stopping smoking is easier than recovery from bypass surgery, they would have told you that too.

I’m speaking from experience both about stopping smoking and bypass surgery, having stents after an MI is a walk in the park compared to a bypass as I’m sure anyone else who’s been through will testify.

I was a smoker before my MI and triple bypass, it took me 6 months to run a mile in under 7.5 minutes and I’d had pneumonia and no I wasn’t fit, the point is it’s all your own choice. I used my daughter as my focus to do better and feel better and it isn’t easy but it’s absolutely worth the effort.

If you’re still smoking, STOP as you’re lowering your chances of a second chance.

Dawnmarie78 profile image
Dawnmarie78 in reply to Neil2566

My bio was set up about 4 months ago just after my heart attack and yes I was still smoking at the time , I'd used the cigs as a stress reliever for a long time , I have a pretty full on life with having a disabled son so it was difficult to stop but I've done it .... my post was more to do with my mental health , im doing everything I'm supposed to do but it doesn't stop the way I feel and the way I think .

Neil2566 profile image
Neil2566 in reply to Dawnmarie78

Well done for stopping, if you hold on to the problem it will hold on to you.

If I’ve learned 1 thing from my 22 year experience of heart health issues it’s, I’m not afraid of dying I’m afraid of not living.

Good luck.

Fair1 profile image
Fair1 in reply to Neil2566

Well said how very true life is a struggle so is struggling for life but it is worth every second you get

in reply to Neil2566

Couldn’t put it better myself 💖

Greenthorn profile image
Greenthorn

What a great and helpful reply!

Hi there. Can totally relate to those anxious feelings. As you can see from previous replies we all have those niggling doubts and fears. It helps to have somewhere or someone to vent your fears with preferably folk who know what you’re going through. If you can get Cardiac Rehab in your area join up and grab it with both hands …. It’s 18 months since my HA and I have never been offered any rehab ( Covid put paid to those sessions at the time and still no contact as yet). I changed my GP practice that I had from childhood 6 months or so after HA as the aftercare from them was non existent. My new GP is now chasing up the cardiac team as he is shocked by lack of contact. He.. like me and countless others in my area … believes we’ve fallen through the cracks in the system !! Anyway… sorry for venting … but only to emphasis if you can get Cardiac Rehab grab it. !! I’m sure you’re fears will lessen when you’re in similar company ❤️🌹

MountainGoat52 profile image
MountainGoat52

Hi Dawn,

I'm pleased to hear that you are starting cardio rehab. The sessions gave me the confidence to determine what I was physically capable of after my heart attack, stents and bypass. I must say I was surprised to find that I could achieve much more than I expected, in fact I was doing more than I had been before my heart attack. I now have no worries about my capabilities and really enjoy getting out on the largest hills up in Scotland.

It would be good for you to have a follow up which I feel would help. Getting signed off after my bypass operation certainly gave me a boost. When my GP gave me consent to drive again, I got another confidence boost. Now 4 years down the line I rarely think of what happened in my past. Even taking my 5 meds in a morning has just become an extension of taking the blood pressure medication which I had been taking for a decade before my heart attack.

I sincerely hope that you get the support that you require and can develop strategies for coping with the low times which we all have. My very best wishes for the future.

Gerald

dubsta profile image
dubsta

Hi Dawnmarie78, I am sorry you are feeling this way. I have read all the responses and you have some great comments so I am hoping that they help? I am only 20 days post open heart surgery so still struggling with those early days. I can certainly relate to the things you say. My preparation for my operation was alot around mindset. Have you tried doing any meditation? And by that I dont just mean sitting crossed legged getting all hippy, meditation can be listening to some calming music but the main thing is being at one with yourself. It takes time to master it, but it might be a good distraction for you. I am happy to talk to you if you wish? Hoping you find the right solution for you. X

Dawnmarie78 profile image
Dawnmarie78 in reply to dubsta

I'd actually love to try some kind of meditation its not something I've done before , I think it could really help my mindset x

dubsta profile image
dubsta in reply to Dawnmarie78

Oh go for for it, there are loads of apps. Are you an active person? Reason i ask is that i found (pre op), listening to podcasts whilst walking the dog were a great introduction to my own kind of meditation. I now listen to music and go find a quiet space and just “be with myself”, practice is key but it might help you. One size doesn’t fit all, its all trial and error, i tried proper meditation with an app and just couldn’t do it. So meditation to me now is just time for me, time to escape and to immerse myself in the podcast/music for how ever long i want. Good luck with it, please keep me updated on how you are finding it x

Fair1 profile image
Fair1 in reply to Dawnmarie78

Do it we all can start a hippy community haha

Brokenheart19 profile image
Brokenheart19

This is such good advice - you never forget but you do accept. (3 years post HA)

frenchman96 profile image
frenchman96

Hi Dawn, after my HA and 1 stent aged 80 7 months ago, I have read lots of the posts here and I read lots of helpful and sensible quotes and suggestions, do absorb and it will help. Two comments made to me by family members who had had bypasses were as follows " its taken 65 years for my arteries to block up" and " the surgeon told me that the bucket of meds we leave the hospital with, will ALMOST guarantee that we will never have another heart attack". With reference to both comments, we still have to follow all the advice about diet and exercise. I simply do my 15 mins at home once out of bed, I then walk briskly for 1 mile, use stairs instead of escalators and follow BHF on diets.

EssexSteve profile image
EssexSteve

Hi Dawn

I watched a video from a great cardiologist who said the following "Fear will not stop you dying but will stop you from living" I fully understand that changing your thoughts and feelings are not easy having felt like that after I had heart attack and emergency triple bypass. The left hand side of my heart was totally blocked and 2 different cardiologists said I was a walking time bomb and could have died at any time. That was 7 years ago now and yes time is a great healer, but also is having the great family and friends. Also getting help from places like Mind who I found great and was able to talk about my fears with a councillor.

Identiy profile image
Identiy

Google the Burns Anxiety Scale and the Burns Depression Scale.Answer the questions, add up your scores and take them to your GP.

It may be he decides on a treatment for you which may involve counselling or medication or both

Often medication is necessary to get over the initial hump of fear

AnkurKapoor profile image
AnkurKapoor

Hi Dawn, i would just say that after my experience with HA and recovery, everyday i remind myself of the "new life" i have been blessed with. Hearing so many stories where people suffered similar heart problem and didn't survive, makes me believe that i am lucky and i should take care of myself to be with loved ones to cherish it.

Ascb profile image
Ascb

Hi Dawn, it's early days but help for the psychological aspects of heart issues is available on the NHS. Refer yourself to your local IAPT service and at your assessment ask to be seen by a Long Term Conditions trained therapist. What you are experiencing is a completely normal human response, but the sessions will help you learn to adapt and to live your life.

All the best to you.

Calmac13 profile image
Calmac13

Dear DawnmarieReally sorry to hear how you feel. I’ve had 5 SACs and can relate to how you feel , but the feelings DO go away. Be kind to yourself and know that there are people out there who care

Calx

Anon2023 profile image
Anon2023

Hi. So sorry to hear that you are feeling this way but it is normal after what you’ve been through. I feel exactly the same although it was worse after my stroke as I managed to convince myself that another one was imminent. I’ve been referred to counselling to help me come to terms with my health problems although I haven’t started it yet. The psychologist who assessed me said that I was in a much better position than most because I’m aware of my health problems, I’m being monitored and I’m taking medication to keep me well. There should be a clinical psychologist attached to each cardiac team so perhaps you could ask for a referral. You will always find lots of support on this site so don’t be afraid of posting. I hope you feel better soon.

Jules2021 profile image
Jules2021

Hi Dawn. I had my heart attack and stent last year the same age as you. The shock and anxiety of it all is nearly as traumatic as the actual event. As you say,every wee twinge or pain sends your mind into overdrive.I had counselling with a local mental health group which helped immensely. If you have started rehab then ask about it there as they can also refer you for some.

I think it will always be in the back of my mind but I try to remind myself that most importantly Im still here to make lots more lovely memories with my family and friends.

Good luck and best wishes xx

Solesofhershoes profile image
Solesofhershoes

Hi Dawn. It’s just damn hard it’s as simple as that. I’m the same (age 44 and 4weeks post HA) every niggle, every ache. I’m great at giving out advice but never take my own. I’m trying not to beat myself up and hoping to go back to work on the 6th as I find being at home is making my anxiety worse when I’m alone. Some of the replies on here are really great and supportive so we just gotta take what we can from those. Take good care of yourself xx

Qualipop profile image
Qualipop

Ask your GP about counselling or some kind. Most areas now have self referral online but he should be able to point you towards the best type

Guernseycow profile image
Guernseycow

Hi Dawnmarie 78I did laugh I wonder which is worse worrying about everything or like me getting cross about it, when I saw 78 I thought oh someone my age 82 but then I see you are only 43 I realise I had ignored a lot of occurrences for the last 40 years then it all caught up with me December , hospital , monitors , pacemaker, alla bit shattering. Hope you come to terms with it all, the only advise I can suggest is sit down take a deep breath and say well I still here, and then take one step at a time ,don't expect miracles they take a little longer. Good Luck

Gilling45 profile image
Gilling45

Hi Dawnmarie78 as someone who hade their heart attack and stent in January 2022. I know exactly how you feel. I have been struggling on a regular basis with paranoia. Every twinge, every time I feel breathless. I have been to rehab 4 weeks now and it helps. But everybody says it is totally normal to have these feelings and over time they will fade. This is a wonderful forum when you want to talk and voice your concerns everyone is very helpful and reasonable. I wish you well and am always ready to listen

Ticker1234 profile image
Ticker1234

Hi Dawnmarie, I felt like that at first. It took 6 months before I never thought about the HA and then I knew everything would be ok.It will take time but you will get there.

kathie659 profile image
kathie659

4 years post ablation...I rarely think about afib because ive only had one or 2 episodes since procedure.

My mom and grandmom needed pacemakers and 2 months ago I joined that club.

But even that doesn't worry me.

I take blood thinner and metroprolol daily...if not for that reminder? I don't think it would cross my mind. This has not always been the case! I used to worry all the time! I believe as time goes on, I have just accepted it as part of the norm.

Good luck to you

Chinkoflight profile image
Chinkoflight

Hi Dawn Marie

I'm sure not quite the same but I had a stroke out of the blue, no other health issues and on diagnostics no explanation. I was treated fast and recovered almost fully. I have no idea when I will have another stroke, the risk is now much greater, but I may not have one. Because everything that can be done has been done(ruled out) I'm on my own. It is very scary, especially the first weeks. But health unlocked has helped and it's also helped me to take control. So I'm doing everything I can to get as healthy as possible. For me, I'm an overweight male aged 70, those are my co morbidities! I've started running as I saw the NHS C25K programme being promoted by the British Heart Foundation. I've found this amazingly helpful because there is a whole community of similar people on here and on Facebook sharing there challenge to get going. It may not be right for you but if there is a bit of your life you feel you could improve and take control it's a good place to start. So 11 weeks ago I was lucky not to have died or have a severe disability. Today I ran the first 30 minute run as part of the last week of C25K. 9 weeks ago I could barely run 60 seconds on week 1. I'm still scared of the next stroke coming along, but I know I am having a better life experience at the moment. I hope this helps and apologies if I am wide of your mark. It is different for everyone. Cheers. Nigel

VickyHK72 profile image
VickyHK72

I really feel for you, I was exactly the same 18 months ago. As someone else has said, the worry doesn’t completely go away but it becomes manageable and something you can cope with. At the start of my journey I was in a terrible state, I had days where I couldn’t get out of bed as I was so anxious I would have a heart attack and evenings were terrible as I’d panic and start to feel odd and that would set my panic in motion. I spoke to a nurse on the BHF helpline who told me that one day I would wake up and feel ok and not worry for the whole day (I didn’t believe her) but it is true. I found it very difficult to seek help initially as I just didn’t have the mental strength to do so, but my GP convinced me to try antidepressants (not for everyone and at the time I thought ‘not for me’) and also gave me the phone number for a local counselling service (part of IAPS thing) It took me a few weeks to get in touch with them but once I did, I got one to one counselling with someone specialising in anxiety and depression in people with a long term health condition. That really helped! They then invited me to group mindfulness sessions (online) which were also really helpful, partly because they have good tips and strategies, partly because I just felt good that someone wanted to help me and partly because I realised so many people had similar issues to me. Through work I have access to the Unmind app (but there’s lots of free alternatives) and I started listening to meditation podcasts (just short ones that had breathing exercises) and also trying to have a relaxing bath and listen to a podcast. Someone else here mentioned going for a walk when they felt anxious and I also found this worked, I then did couch to 5k which built up my confidence in my body and I also find the when I go for a run, that’s the time I don’t worry at all! Maybe my mind is full of other things but it’s really nice to ditch the worries for half an hour!

Please know you’re not alone, and that gradually over time you will start to feel less worried and more ‘normal’. I also took up some bereavement counselling (as my dad died suddenly from a heart attack when I was 21 and this was all linked in to my anxiety) and the lady who did that was amazing and helped me so much. I would say try to get as much help as you can, go to your GP and tell them how you’re feeling and ask for help, it’s hard to do but it is really worth it. If that sounds too overwhelming, take a friend/partner with you and ask them to talk to your GP. Talk to your friends, they will

Support you and help you too. Good luck x

isobelhannah18 profile image
isobelhannah18

My anxiety started to fade about 12 months after my totally unexpected heart attack. Cardiac rehab; cardiac nurses and this forum were brilliant. I also referred myself for C.B.T. on the N.H.S. This was before the pandemic so the 6 appointments were face to face and this was a big help. I'm not anxious now 3 and a half years later unless I get a twinge or an ache in the chest area and then I'm afraid my anxiety soars. However I can talk myself down without rushing to A. and E. Good luck and stay on this forum because the support is great.

Ocset profile image
Ocset

Thank you for your brave and genuine comment.

You are describing the feelings of many and I am one of them, the constant fear of "what if".

Easy to say and will take time but try to keep busy and do things you like and enjoy and make new friends who are on the same boat.

This is why I like this forum as it provides an excellent way to meet similar people and discuss things.

Believe me things will get better.

HeartaFlutter profile image
HeartaFlutter

Oh Dawnmarie I'm sorry, I think you should get some therapy regarding this. I'm today 2 months post triple bypass...n I'm still hurting. My Physical therapist (I'm from USA ) n I were talking about doing a therapy group pre operation and post op. Y can't we? I'm going to ask my cardiologist how we can start. Talking to us is a start dawn

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