Dear All
My husband had a bypass , quadruple, 4 weeks ago. We go for walks mornings and afternoons. He is not insisting that he should go alone on account of him trying to be more independent. However, I am still worried and protective of him. Yay or nay for letting him go for long walks alone? Not that he will listen to me, he is being very stubborn at the moment.
Thanks in advance
Correction, he is "NOW" insisting on going alone. I wrote "NOT" by mistake. Sorry
DiplomacyMAY help. You go with him on the morning walk and suggest he goes alone on the afternoon walk?
Thank you. I will try that. He is being very adamant though. Will still try
The most important thing here is that he's committed to doing his daily walk.
This is the main way he'll recover his lung capacity. During open heart surgery the lungs virtually collapse, and fixing those remaining pockets of micro collapse via longer and longer walks takes fortitude, commitment and perseverance. So well done him for digging deep and getting the job done!
Personally I really welcomed having my wife along when I was in the same position, but each to their own, and the critical thing is that he's actually out there, not who he is with.
Good luck to the both of you!
Thanks chappychap 🙂
Tell him you like holding his hand and you are proud to be with him....rather than looking after him. My wife and I always go walking together and we ofetn hold hands and cuddle, especially this cold weather.
I think this is a good sign. I was (and still am) very fearful of being alone after having cardiac arrest. Probably because I was out on a jog by myself when it happened. So I'd let him go, but make sure for your peace of mind that he has a fast way to call for help on his phone...
I had triple 4th May last year was very fit cyclist / triathlete prior to symptoms so getting to it was easy as they told me. I was initially walking mainly with my grandson first two weeks. But really felt great and wanted sometimes to walk on my own for same reasons. You got trust your husband to listen to his own body. He will no doubt have mobile phone so can set a tracker (which is exactley what my wife done). He will be fine the surgeons these days are brilliant. But as at start need to listen to your body as easy to overdo. Good luck to you both.
That is exactly what he said to me. To trust him. I will try to do that. The tracker is s good idea. Thank you. Hope you are okay now.
Dear SRDS
Please just let him go, of course you will worry to begin with, but as the time passes you both will have gained the independence that you both need.
You have stood by and without doubt have suffered along with your husband over his illness, you need a breather as well.
Cut his apron strings ! He’s to big to baby anymore.
Lol you are right. So right. I have been thinking about this a lot. And even if I am scared, that is my issue to deal with. I should not dump my fear on him. Especially not now. Thank you
I know exactly where your husband is coming from.He wants to get his life back and prove to himself and you that he is still capable of doing things.
I had a HA last year at 69 years old and the emotional part is far worse than the physical part.
I've never before felt my age or realised that I was getting older!!
It really made me think about the journey that's in front of all of us before we enter the final few chapters.
I'm adamant that I'm going to get the most out of mine while I'm still able.
Whilst I still dearly love my wife, in fact more than ever, and realise how much I depend on her I also have to proove my independence.
After my HA my wife thankfully, as you have, accompanied me on all my walks.....I would have been frightened to do it myself.....but then my confidence grew in my body that I was OK and I needed to proove it by walking by myself.
Once done and I'd cracked it, it was great to have June at my side again.
Thanks for sharing your experience JohnH100. I tend to be overprotective of him. But I understand. This is not about me but him.
Morning . I am six months post quadruple CABG. I was accompanied on my walks for the first couple of weeks and then also sought my independence and walked on my own from there on. Again I felt fit and well enough to exercise alone like your husband. It’s also a time to think and reflect etc. So trust his judgment is my advice. Good luck
I will trust his judgement. Thanks for the reassurance. Appreciate it
Following bypass, after a few weeks I found that I physically walked better when I was on my own! I was quite shocked at how much power I felt in my own psychological being. It’s a challenge for you both.
It is indeed a challenge. I am protective by nature. This made me even more. But as I said, this is my problem and not his. I should trust him. Thank you
Hey!I had a double (so half of your husbands!) CABG 9 weeks ago and I have to say the feeling of independence of walking by yourself the first time is soooo nice! I think even more so as I’m only 34. I think I was clamouring for independence in my 2nd or 3rd week, I can’t quite remember! My husband made sure I had my phone with me and I didn’t go far at first but just a few weeks on, I’m easily walking 7km myself now and he’s forgotten to check with me about my phone. You’ll become more relaxed about it as he did. If it was the other way round though, I’d be the same as you (sneakily following from a distance lol) but honestly, you will be able to relax soon.
Also, as the carer, remember to get care for you too. It’s really easy to burn out doing everything around the house especially if you are working too. My husband had a full time job and me and the dog to sort but we made full use of family and friends to help out. When I had people come to visit me I asked them to do the dishwasher or hoover etc and they were always happy to, your support network will want to help out.
Take care,
Rosie x
Initially my wife was very concerned about me going walking on my own. We agreed the route I should take and I took my mobile phone. I was soon able to "walk free", up to 10 miles round trip after a couple of months. I still ensure that I carry my mobile and ID with me.... even more important as I now drive over 100 miles to climb Munros. 😀
Oh nice! It is encouraging to hear about your activity level GWP1952 . Thanks for sharing
My husband was the same with me, we used a tracking app so he could see i was still moving and making progress. I did have to send him a message if i decided to stop and enjoy nature at its best or he worried. Now he occasionally comes with me but mostly doesn’t. Ironically I do prefer his company now its not imposed !
I feel exactly like he does. I will try to let go a bit. Maybe s little at a time. Thank you
Hi, I am generally not clever enough to reply to posts but feel I have some expertise in an overprotective wife hehe, its very lovely that you are protective, I had a bypass a year ago followed by some other issues, my wife was absolutely amazing, she did everything for me, the problem is I hate being fussed over so as soon as I could I wanted to do it, this included my walks, it is hard to understand or explain the wonderful feeling of independence when you are finally “allowed” to go out by yourself. This has nothing at all to do with not wanting to be with you, perhaps its something to do with men being the protectors rather than being protected, sure this is old fashioned and probably sexist but heyho. My point is you should absolutely let him go!!! Just tell him to keep his phone with him.
If however, he still wants his socks put on, do that! No idea why but I discovered its lovely having your socks put on for you lol, no independence needs when it comes to socks it seems.
Well done for being such an awesome wife 
best of luck to him with his recovery.
Dear LiveToRide
May I say that I think that you answered this post very well, you have a natural flow of words and you should use that gift more often,
I for one want to hear what you have to say.
Take Care
Thank you LiveToRide. I do get the men wanting to be the protector. It may only be a matter of nature. I am trying to listen to him telling me when he needs me. I have a trembling feeling in my chest ( not sure how close to explain) since this happened to him. I have this feeling every time he walks stairs or does something that requires effort. But like I said, that is my issue and I should not dump it on him. Thank you for sharing. Appreciate it .
Hi,
Hubby is 49 and has been going out independently since he started going out for walks. I ask that he carries his mobile. I understand your concerns, they are there for me too.
Personal Independence Payment 
Is there some support for coping with my husband's health issues 
Supporting my husband
