My husband after many month of waiting and cancellations is in hospital ready to have is aortic valve replacement. He is first on the list, saw the surgeon tonight. He rang me to tell me about the procedure and risks and what an emotional conversation. We were both in tear realising reality as before it was cancelled and we had never got this far in the process. It just make you realise just how fragile life can be. I think what with covid and the fact that we cannot visit is just heart wrenching.
Can anyone help by saying how they managed to deal with the emotional worry.
Thank you,
Written by
Jewel7
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
My heart goes out to you tonight, I remember the feelings I had as my husband Son and Daughter-in -Law left me the night before my op. It must be so much harder for you both knowing you can’t visit. Please believe me when I say my op was fine came through without any problems, and God willing your husband will be exactly the same.
Just keep focus on the fact that he will be so much better having the valve replaced, and soon he will be on the mended heart road.
My husband was not in a good place so very worried about me and the op, one of our Sons lives on the South coast and we live in Scotland so the day before my op they flew up and stayed with him while I was in hospital.
Just think this time tomorrow it will be over and he will be in icu and from there it’s onwards and upwards.
I will be thinking about you let us know how things are when you get chance, try to be strong he will need your strength for a little while.
Thank you so much for your reply... it’s is so hard. Our twin daughters who are married like abroad, So they couldn’t be with us, our family live opposite end of the country so not easy at all. My husband is so scared and frirghtened that he isn’t going to wake up. It certainly is a rollercoaster ride. How long was it before you were awake after the operation and how long were you in ICU.
I was first on the list too, but didn’t really wake up until 1am the following morning, remember asking the nurse What time it was, could have been awake before that but don’t remember. I was in ICU for 2 days I was fit enough to be moved after 24 hours but there wasn’t a bed in HDU.
You sound very much like us a son in Australia and one the other end of the country!
I am so sorry he is so scared, he will be ok. By now he will have had his pre med and really won’t be bothered!
Thinking of you both, you won’t have long to wait now, stay strong, he will need you to lean on for a wee while. Don’t know if I ever said before having my valve replaced I had this feeling in my throat like when I was a child and I had run really fast a sort of icy feeling my cardiologist said he had only one other patient who had the same, anyway the minute I woke up that feeling had completely disappeared. No breathless it was amazing, by 9am The following morning I was walking on the spot with the physio in ICU.
Thank you Pauline.. i so worried as he had blood pressure and diabetes and although he walked whilst at home in the country because of his aortic valve problem he struggled with walking at speed so I just pray that he is strong enough and fit enough to get through all this.
I was very sick before my op, in hospital for 7 weeks before I was transferred to the heart hospital the Golden Jubilee. I am nearly 4 years down the road and doing all the things I did before. I power walk a couple of times a week though don’t like the wind blowing in my face it takes my breath away! We live in Scotland so it tends to be windy!
He will be walking at speed before you know it, but remember baby steps to start with, listen to his body rest when he needs too, he needs to build his stamina back up and that takes time. He will be emotional, don’t let that worry you we all were, it would suddenly hit me that someone had been holding my heart in their hands and the tears would start again!
Hey Jewel7. When I had my AVR I was told I was going to be second on the list but then in the morning got bumped up to first and so ending sending my wife a hurried text as they wheeled me off! Funny in retrospect but really hard for her at the time, so I really feel for you. She spent a worried few hours pacing alone around the Southbank in the cold (it was St Thomas's in December) before sitting for further hours beside oblivious me in ICU until I woke and started complaining!
So it is really hard for you as the helpless observer - I'd almost say harder than it is for us just having to lie there having stuff done to us and being the centre of attention and symathy - especially now with all the cancellations and Covid restrictions. So I'm so sorry for you.
All I can say is that while yes, this is a big operation it's these days considered a very straightforward one by the surgical teams. So I'm sure he'll be in expert hands and out and ICU and on the road to recovery in no time.
Not that any of this will I appreciate stop you worrying but I hope it helps at least a bit (and after all your waiting that it does go ahead). It's only normal too to feel worried and emotional. But we'll all be thinking of, and gunning for, both of you tomorrow. Very best of luck.
Hello, my husband has his AVR a couple of years ago and I remember being so very worried beforehand, trying not to show it too much then just numb really until he was home again and settled properly. His op was originally cancelled the day he was due to go in and he was looking at another 2 weeks waiting but then was called in the next day. Fortunately I could go with him and visit him lots. Not being with him must be agony for both of you. I really do sympathise.
The thing to remember though, if you can, is that the staff will look after him really well. AVRs are “routine but major” operations so they know what they’re doing. Covid is an extra hurdle which must increase your anxiety.
All the best to you, your husband and your loved ones. Let us know how he gets on an feel free to shout out if you have any queries or want some support. X
Thank you so much for your reply.... I think we spend most of today just getting emotional and so worried about the whole procedure. All our children have grown up and live abroad, there’s just the two of us at home now. Due to covid we cannot give each other comfort the same as if you were together so for all of us that’s really hard. I just pray that all goes smoothly and my husband is awake quickly and breathing normally for himself. I think it frightening when the surgeon goes through the negatives .
I have prayed for you both. All your feelings are natural and understandable. The surgeons have to go through every scenario but rest assured they wouldn’t be exposing your husband to any undue risks.
I hope you can take comfort from the many people here who have been through this and who will be “by your side” emotionally today.
From today, instead of watching your husband slowly getting more ill, you will be watching him slowly improve.
You are in the hands and care of the very best professionals who do this day in day out. By the time your husband is starting his recovery this afternoon, somebody else will be in the theatre having the same procedure. You will both be fine x
I am delighted to hear that he is finally in a hospital bed, but my heart is with you while you wait.
He is in the best place and in good hands - his op will be over by lunchtime and he will be fine after a few days. I hope they phone you as soon as he is out of the recovery ward...or however they are dealing with recovery at the moment.
Yours is the anxious wait.
My son was the person who bore the brunt of the waiting - the other one lives in Leeds and was in constant phone contact. I think my poor son had the longest day of his life.
Look, saying don't worry is pointless - and you will worry and fret and find this morning difficult. All I can say is go with it - and we are all waiting with you and please let us know this evening how things went - and how you are.
Wishing your husband all the very best today and to yourself too. I don’t think there is anything I can say that will help your worries other than to remember he is in good hands.
I think I will be in the same situation soon as my husband was due mitral valve surgery before lockdown, cancelled 3 times and now on hold. If he gets the call soon we realise it will mean no visitors so it will make it doubly hard and worrying. My only thought, which I’ve said to my husband, is that the surgeons will only have patients in when it’s safe and infection control will be even stronger than before I imagine. I’m sure the staff will do everything they can and more realising how much extra concern and mental strain not having visitors will add.
I’ll be thinking of you both today. Take care of yourself too, as best you can. Xx
Thinking of you as you wait, it must be so worrying for you. Hoping to hear positive news very soon. Xxxx
My spouse told me afterwards how hard it was waiting & worrying. And my mum couldn’t visit at all because of distance & her own frailty, she said the ‘not knowing” was tough.
Maybe just focus on what you CAN do, to keep your mind distracted & focused on the future? Maybe you could order him things he’ll need, for delivery.
- pillows if he doesn’t have enough, the large V-shaped one is good for sleeping propped up, with smaller ones for under arms
- if you’re uk, look into getting him a pre-paid prescription certificate, which saves a lot on multiple prescriptions. £27 for 3mths unlimited prescriptions.
- things like pill boxes, finding out how he would get warfarin blood testing if he needs it, practical help which he’ll need even if he doesn’t initially ask.
Other than that, the hardest but best thing, is to accept that there is stuff we cannot control, and that energy spent on wishing/worrying is totally natural (I did so much of that myself), but a bit counterproductive.
And if you’re not already, you could get yourself tech’d up to video-call with him when he’s recovered maybe?
Best of luck to you both, for your respective tough journeys.
((((HUGS)))) and a virtual cuppa - by now, barring the slim chance of a last minute cancellation, he's had the op, is in Recovery, and the surgeon has been down to tell you everything looks good. Please update us when you can, and here's another hug and another virtual cuppa to get you through the wait for him to wake up and say 'OH MY WORD that hurts when I try to cough!'.
My partner has been through this. Its really tough on the next of kin and your emotions go through the roof. However, valve replacement is a routine surgery now, of course there are risks, but there are with any major surgery. Today will be tough for you but once you hear everything has gone to plan, you will feel your shoulders relax a bit. Ovbiously not being able to visit is really tough, but hopefully you will be able to hear his voice later. My partner was out within a week, fingers crossed he is home under your care very soon x
Sending love and hugs to you both❤ I found the after care in hospital fantastic after my AVR. I don't remember much about my daughter's 1st visit when I came round and I found I was so tired when I had visitors the few days after too. But I was up and about on the ward in no time at all and home in 5 days. He will be well looked after by the nurses on the ward and time will pass quickly for him. You need to look after yourself and try put your head into preparing things at home for his return, he'll be back in no time. 💙xx
I can only speak for myself. After 4 cancellations for my husband's quad bypass (one cancellation as he got to the theatre and was wheeled back)!!, I can say that the pre op discussion mentioned death, stroke and a host of other nasties. My husband and i just gazed at each other. The reality was that without the bypasses my husband's health would quickly have deteriorated or at the worst ended in pain.
Our consultant said that he had to make us aware of the minimal risks during surgery.
I don't even remember driving back the 40 miles from the hospital he was in. I just rang at 5pm as instructed and was told he was fine. Back in late 2018 I could visit. It must be heartbreaking for you with the current crisis but you can call and Facetime.
Everything will be fine I'm sure but I understand your need to visit and hold his hand. All he asked for when he came out of intensive care was an M & S sandwich.
Think positively. He'll be home to recover very soon.
Hi all just to let you know that my husband is out of theatre and on ICU. He still intubated and have to ring back a 3 pm today. How long does he stay intubated? Xx
Thank you all for your support it’s must appreciated.
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
Emotional fallout
Emotional Wreck
Emotional setback
Emotional wellbeing/mental health
