I am just listening to an end of life specialist who is talking about this subject.
This has been a taboo subject for years only now with this pandemic has it really surfaced. I was at a seminar a couple of years ago for Heart Failure when this was brought up and, the audience was asked who had gone through the planning for end of life. Everyone was looking around wondering who are they talking about when we all realised it Was US. The thrust of the Hospice Specialist Interview was you should have this conversation with your elderly parents so that the Hospice/Hospital know their wishes not right at the end of life.
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Prada47
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Evening, have the conversation with your children too. For me, writing letters hours before open heart surgery telling everyone of my wishes wasn't the best experience. I woke, well that's obvious haha, and sent the letters anyhow.
Am feeling hopeful. Listened to the prime minister and the health minister today, relaxing the lockdown for some workers as of Tuesday next week. Plans to ease restrictions are being relayed to local town halls but not until we all have suitable masks to wear. In Almeria we have had two days with no fatalities, but still have full beds in ICU. Sadly my daughters husband lost his grandmother today, brings it ever closer
Hi, Prada47, after my heart surgery and husbands stroke we realised that our wills had been written back in the 1970s ! They were written with our sons in mind as youngsters, with guardians in place etc. So off we went to our solicitors and we made new wills, at the time there was a piece in the news about a lady who had had a massive stroke and was on a life support machine and had been that way for 18 months, after she passed away the daughter found a living will, asking in the event of just that situation she had been in there were not to intervene. The daughter was heart broken but the mother hadn’t told her she had lodged the living will with her GP but it had been misfiled. So we decided to make our living wells we talked to our sons and have lodged copies with our GPs, Solicitors, and our sons have copies too, neither of us want to be on life support with no chance of coming out of it. The thing is you can write a living will but if your next of kin doesn’t agree they can still override your wishes so you need to have the difficult conversation with your love ones.
My husband went in for very risky open heart surgery end of Jan, he put all our affairs in order and left detailed instructions for us should the worst happen, sadly it did happen and although he thought everything was taken care of it's not been the case so even the best laid plans don't always work out.
It's an ongoing nightmare, I don't know if others are aware that if you die following surgery the case has to go to the Coroner and in my husbands case a post-mortem and probably an inquest which could take 9 months, we had no idea and nobody mentioned this even when he died, I didnt know until I got a call from the Coroners office a few days later ! So no medical certificate which means you can't register the death or get a death certificate or do anything that requires proof of death.
The coronary service is slow at the best of times, my son died in a fire and it was 8 months later when we could get a Death certificate, distressing. Take care
Bantam I`m so so sorry.I`ve been a widow for many years but remember the pain,the grief and having to deal with all sorts of matters at the same time.It`s very early days for you yet but I promise there comes a time when you accept yourself as a single person and start taking an interest in life again.Love and best wishes for your future xx
It’s a conversation every needs to have with your loved ones, I have already spoken to son about this and he knows where will is and Power of attorneys.
My father died six weeks after having a terminal diagnosis we all thought we would have more time with him.
I have much admiration for my Dad he went through all the filing cabinet and put post it notes on things so that Mother knew what to do, saved a lot of time and made things easier.
It such a hard conversation to start, after that planning can become a moment of deep love.
My wife is part of a team at our church that runs a Death Cafe every six months or so. There are doctors, undertakers, legal advisors, counsellors, ministers, chaplains and reps from other faiths and none. My wife is there as a musician who often plays for funerals. The whole thing is so strongly caring and supportive, and so many people have appreciated that the conversation can be started. It is really worth looking out for places that offer these events- usually churches, but there are other hosts.
I've made my wishes clear to my sons and my extended family. My sons have LPAs for my finances and my health. I've also made my funeral wishes very clear, absolutely no sign of religion and have chosen my 'in and out' songs. I feel very comfortable about things but some people look at me as if I'm mad when I tell them! I have several underlying health conditions but, at 66, I only retired a few months ago and can function quite well so not intending to give up yet. However, who knows what will happen!! Keep well everyone.
We’ve done the same as you, Prada47, though we only did them earlier this year, it was the experience of a friend whose husband had Alzheimer’s that brought it home to us that we should do the POAs & the wills. Once he was admitted to a care home she had a lot of problems trying to sort out various matters because everything was in his name & it took her a long time & caused her a lot of stress to sort everything out.
I`m good.I live opposite the church so they can carry me over,booked a double room when I buried my husband so that`s good then a knees up in the local pub.Have discussed death and will with son.Sorted!!
Crikey..don’t want to be morbid..but if i contract Covid 19 I suspect that because of my age..mid 70s .. I will not be top of the “let’s save him” list. So as I do not wish to be left gasping on a trolley like the proverbial fish out of water..till I expire..I would welcome a simple jag to put me to sleep as we would our favourite pet who was suffering.
Stuff the ethics, the Medics are wise enough to know who will make it and who won’t. My family are aware of my wishes why protract my misery and waste valuable nursing resource on me.
I think when this is all over there is going to have to be a full conversation on are people going to be allowed to say I have had enough let me go. Not going to be easy but then life it's self is not easy !! I don't think this should be left to Judges to interpret the law ,they don't answer to anyone. It's the politicos that need to make the decision end of !! As you say Stuff the Ethics.
Four times in the past myself and members of the family were consulted over agreeing 'Do not resuscitate' for a member of the family who was very ill or towards the end of their life. In three cases the doctor did say it would be very unfair on the person to attempt to resuscitate them, and on the fourth it was after a road accident. So you could just leave it to others to decide for you.
We could decide ourselves on end of life care but you can't be sure how it is going to work out. On visiting care and nursing homes regularly I've been surprised how long some live with heart conditions. One lady said she was on borrowed time but was still borrowing even more about 2 years later. She has her funeral all arranged with horses and carriage. She isn't the only one. I do notice that there are far more women than men in nursing homes and nearly all are widows.
Be careful about what you agree to. Just search "Liverpool Care Pathway" and see the horror stories. Belgium where assisted suicide is legal. Liquidate thousands of elderly people per year, without their consent, the doctor makes the decision. There was a press article on Belgium a few years ago by the Telegraph or Guardian.
Hi The Liverpool Care Pathway has been discredited. The process of withholding Water I believe has been stopped and the withdrawal of medicine. I agree it was a horrible idea.
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BBC 2 last night -Surgeons at the end of life. Performing plaque removal.
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End stage heart failure
