Lost a Partner Suddenly

[Clinks79]

Hi, has anyone recently lost a partner very suddenly and unexpectedly? I’m only 39 and lost my long term boyfriend in September. We have two young kids. Just wondered if anyone else had experienced the same here?

[young85]

That’s just awful.

I’m so sorry to hear this, and at just 39!

Was it heart related?

I’m sorry sorry for you x

[Clinks79 in reply to young85]

We think it was Sudden Arrhythmic Death Syndrome - still waiting on a final death certificate though.

[Calliope153 in reply to Clinks79]

So sorry to hear this. You might find your local branch of CRUSE (support during loss and grief) helpful and informative. They could also probably help you to find group that concentrates on young children and supports them (and you) through this time and later.

Xx

[Clinks79 in reply to Calliope153]

Thank you. I have heard of CRUSE and I’m going to discuss support groups with my GP next week, just thought others on here might have experience of SADS as the BHF are funding research in this area according to their website x

[daisy2311 in reply to Clinks79]

I was a Cruse counsellor for 8 years so can really recommend their services. So sorry for your loss.

[laura_dropstitch Heart Star]

So sorry to hear you are going through this. Much love to you xx

[Clinks79 in reply to laura_dropstitch]

Thank you x

[Fortepiano]

I'm so sorry - I can't even imagine how hard a time you are going through. You probably know these already, but WAY ( Widowed and Young) and Widowed Young Support, might be helpful.

[Helen_BHF]

I'm so sorry to hear that Clinks79 .

We have some further information on SADS on the BHF website. It can be caused by an inherited heart condition: bhf.org.uk/informationsuppo...

A few links where you can find support:

bhf.org.uk/informationsuppo...

bhf.org.uk/informationsuppo...

I really hope this helps.

[CA1949]

i am so sorry - how dreadfully dark life must seem at present. I used to be a counsellor for Cruse, the bereavement charity. If you need help they run groups and also one to one counselling services. The phone number is 0808 808 1677 and their website is cruse.org.uk. The service is free and it helps no end to talk and also to find one is actually not alone on the bereavement path. All the best.

[Disciple5451]

Hi clinks not so close but there’s been 5 deaths in last two weeks in my family close cousins brother ect plus my childhood friend died this week grief and loss is so very difficulty fir each of us in many ways I never give advice although I deal with death in my job sometimes dialy there is no right or wrong thing to do or say u just have to go through the feelings as they arise I guess my faith helps me cope to some degree happy to help in anyway I can the children will need u more than ever but u also need time to grieve bless u

Steve

[Disciple5451]

And of course I am deeply sorry for you and your children in. Your loss both my parents died at Christmas’s within two days of each other I was bringing up my son on my own at the time I was like a zombie I do hope you seek and get all the support u need as already stated by others there r many out there who can help

[Gordon99]

My wife died when I was being blue lighted to hospital for a transplant. She had been at work and went to her car to drive to The hospital to be with me but died of a cerebral haemorrhage before starting the car.

My transplant was cancelled for an unrelated cause and I was turned around to go home. My wife was called to be updated but no answer, obviously. My daughter and I waited desperately for hours, another daughter drove around looking for her. She had parked in the backyard of her workplace which was not usual, perhaps to have her car close. She was discovered at a shift change.

I was in poor mental condition due to my illness and meds, three weeks later in a coma after surgery. Two months later when I came round the first thing I remembered was that my wife had died. I was on morphine at the time and everything was unreal. It was three months before the grief hit me. Over a year later I’m getting my life back but am lonely. My kids helped me tremendously all the way through it. I don’t know how they coped with it all. The loss of their mother and me close to death. At one point I was so ill I was an hour away from being taken off the transfer list as my other organs were failing, when a match became available.

I’m not sure if any of the grief counselling or other help that I’m told is available would have been able to help in my case. All my focus was on trying to survive, I had to, my poor kids! How could they possibly cope with another death? Things were very dark for a long time but time does help. My wife did so much for me when I was ill, and someone lost their life to give me my second chance, I owe it to both of them and my donors family as well as my kids to live my life well and to move on.

I still miss her, I keep myself busy and try to stay positive. I have a few spells of feeling really low, I talk to my kids and my doctor and explain I’m feeling low. I have managed through these periods without anti depressants. Life must go on. Good luck, you have my sympathy.

[Clinks79 in reply to Gordon99]

Wow, you are doing so well coping with all of that on your own. I can only imagine part of what you are feeling. Life is so hard and so cruel at times. The suddenness of death is the hardest part and then learning to live without them. Our kids are only 3 and 8 (she was 7 in September when he passed away). I have to stay strong for them but all I really want to do is be with him x

[Gordon99 in reply to Clinks79]

It must be so much harder with young children, mine were both adults so could help and support me whilst coping with their own grief. I was always a very private person and was forced, by my illness, to open up a little. It helped so much being able to talk. I was having problems with medication and reacting badly to steroids so I was surrounded by medical people asking me how I felt so they could understand what the meds were doing to me. I couldn’t always say what I was feeling because I was having periods of hepatic encephalopathy and knew what I wanted to say but couldn’t choose the right words. Doctors, nurse, and my kids encouraged me to talk and write down my thoughts. This helped me to cope with my grief as well as with finding more suitable meds. Learning to talk to people certainly helped me. There are many wonderful people out there. They don’t need to give advice, just listen and be sympathetic.

[Hidden]

Hi love, my heart goes out to you and your children - how old are they? My own dad died of a heart attack when I was only 10 & he was 38. I was traumatised as he died in front of me. If you need support, I'm here for you, Paul

[Clinks79 in reply to Hidden]

Ah, thank you. Our kids are 3 and 8 (she was 7 in September when he died). So young to now have to grow up without a Daddy and I feel especially bad for my youngest as she will have far fewer memories of what an amazing man he was x

[S11m]

Hi, Clinks79 .

I am forty years older than you, but I lost my wife over two years ago: she had had cancer for 18 months.

My cat had died, and my son and step-daughters had grown and flown, so I have been alone.

I was depressed and put on weight, but I am now back in control.

[Clinks79 in reply to S11m]

I’m glad you are now coping much better. This was all so sudden for me and still not confirmed cause of death so it’s really hard.

[Lynn1966]

I'm so sorry to hear this 😢 Sending you and your family massive hugs xx