Feel like a different person since HA

[barniecroft]

Don't know if it is something that will pass but since my heart attack , along with feeling depressed, i feel like a sort of different person. Its like I don't quite see the world in quite the same way anymore. I dont know if anyone else has had these feelings. Maybe it will pass. Its like i have become more pessimistic and see the fragility of life. I cant quite explain it. I do feel very low at times but have taken strength from the posts on the forum as i can see others have the same mood swings. At the moment (3 weeks post HA) I just can't get happy even though its sunny outside. One of the great fears is that I will have another heart attack and I can't help but see life more like a game of Russian Roulette - every day the barrel spins and I hope it will not be my unlucky day.

[Effiecat]

Sorry you’ve been having a v low time, It’s tough having such a mortality experience. You’ll need some time to allow the process of loss and sadness to work through. Be kind to yourself, and allow yourself to express the thoughts and anxieties you have. I hope you have someone close to talk to?

If you feel very desperate or the pessimism and depression continues for months, then do seek help. Counselling has been very useful for me.

Also the rehab classes were very restorative and got my mood up, though feeling ‘normal’ again took me a long time.

My daughter said to me ‘you are not defined by your illness’. Wise words. The real you is still in there!

[barniecroft in reply to Effiecat]

Thank You

Kind words

[jim_]

Hi barnuecroft. Had a SCA out of nowhere in March. I went through similar thoughts and feelings as you at times. I find recovery a bit of a roller coaster. My view of life has changed, naturally enough of such an experience. But life hasn’t changed, it’s no more or less fragile than it was before. I find that as my body gets stronger so does my mental and emotional resilience. It was never going to happen to me; it did and I’m still here, so every day is a bonus as it always was. I just have the perspective to realise that now. I find I enjoy life a lot more now. Stay positive, life is good.

[barniecroft in reply to jim_]

Thanks Jim

[Zena166]

Hi Barniecroft. This is part of our grieving process. It’s weird in that some thought processes are more to the forefront of our brain a bit like seeing something in neon lights it stands out rather than being in the background. I saw both a health psychologist and a counsellor post heart attack. The psychologist helped me with coping strategies (I write poetry now) and the counselling helped me get all of my sobbing and emotions out into the open. To quote a song I cried a river!! Well several actually!!

You may like to consider meditation/ mindfulness and the NHS site has some good information. What also helped was I go to different types of therapies like massage/reflexology/reiki/. It helps relaxation. Next week I am going to my local Buddhist centre (I live in Newcastle upon Tyne).

It all just helps with my thoughts and staying positive. Do take care try and keep positive and stay strong. Sending love and hugs. Zena x

[barniecroft in reply to Zena166]

Thanks Zena x