Do you still have the same friends....

[chloe40]

As you did before your loss or have they disappeared?

I've found that they quickly lost interest for whatever reason, maybe they don't know what to say or just didn't bother anymore.

What was your experience.

Chloe

[Bingofox007]

I think most of the friends we had were brought into ‘the circle’ of friends by my husband and so they have all gone now and not seen them for many years, not even a txt or card. I have one dear friend who I don’t see often but she’s always there and txt/ring each other. I don’t feel I want any other friends. Very close to my daughter and we talk daily and txt throughout the day. I’m a home bird. Got my garden and dogs, and my foxes, mustn’t forget them, I’d just be ‘Bingo007’ otherwise lol. And my memories of sharing it alll with my husband. It’s taken a while to smile about it all rather than cry but I don’t need a lot of friends now. We’re all different. Take care 🦊x

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Bingofox007]

Yes Bingofox007

That seems to be the way it goes but you’re blessed to have one special friend who keeps in regular contact.

Always a good thing to enjoy a hobby from home, like gardening and pets, they really do help us through our days x

[Bingofox007]

ps. Chloe40…You do come up with some lovely thought provoking questions to start conversation, I look forward to them when I go online. 🦊xx

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Bingofox007]

Thank you x

[Downinil]

I’ve noticed once my loved ones die so do the friendships. It a double loss. Such a hard thing to get through.

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Downinil]

Hi Downinil

Lovely to hear from you.

You’re so right, so called friends often disappear and its bad enough losing a loved one, but friends too is just too much x

[Caza]

I know, my friend who’s husband died 5 yrs ago, has had a lot of friends that have dropped by the roadside. Many of them who were ‘close friends’ just didn’t ring her or include her. So hurtful for her. I don’t know if it’s because she’s extremely attractive with a lovely personality. Did the women perceive her to be a threat? It was so hurtful for her. Many years ago I was part of that group they let me go as well too damaged by the death of my daughter. I was never keen on them so no great loss to me but for her it was.

Yes my friendships changed. I gained as well though. One woman who I didn't really know well stepped forward and has been by my side ever since. Also met four wonderful mums who lost their adult children at the same time as me & they have become very close friends.

I guess over time friendships change anyway.

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Caza]

Hi Caza

I think the fact that she was attractive probably did make her an added threat, but so many people are just afraid, they have no clue what to say!

I’m really sorry many friends drifted away but that’s no surprise but it’s great you’ve found some genuine people who have become friends x

[Bingofox007]

it’s a shame people feel they need to say something that’ll make it better. I think those who’ve been there and worn the T-shirt know nothing can be said to make it go away and they are the ones that stay friends thru the painful silence and tears. 🦊x

[Turnipgirl in reply to Bingofox007]

Many years ago I had gone to the cemetery to support my friends and I had said about when the Guide captain had died young and how we had all walked to the cemetery which was a way out of the town centre to pay our respects and at the time I had thought saying that was really stupid but got reassured no it wasn't!

What is really stupid is saying how things happen for a reason as its not your place to make that decision!

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Turnipgirl]

Oh my Turnipgirl

You're right there !

[Turnipgirl in reply to chloe40]

Say when time has passed by and you have had time to come to terms with things and you say on your own accord that you feel it's right things do happen for a reason then that's fair enough as I have done many times after I have calmed down after horrible things happening and saying I reckon it's true things happen for a reason!

The things happen for a reason thing when things are raw is unkind in my view!

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Turnipgirl]

Yes indeed Turnipgirl

How's your job going?

[Turnipgirl in reply to chloe40]

Job is going fine and is extremely rewarding!

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Turnipgirl]

That’s fabulous Turnipgirl

I’m so happy for you x

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Bingofox007]

Exactly, absolutely Bingofox007

Nothing needs to be said, just being there is what's needed, a good friend would do that x

[Caza in reply to Bingofox007]

Much more hurtful than saying the wrong thing it to say nothing at all.

The neighbour who I was living next door to when my daughter died would shy away from me never lifting her head until one day i confronted her she burst into tears & said she couldn’t speak to as she was so upset 🤷‍♀️. We moved two yrs later we never spoke a word to each other that.

[ellie2211]

connections that are not strong don't seem important to me. I'm not sure if all of my friendships will survive

[chloe40 Administrator]

Hi Ellie,

Welcome!

Well, from my experience, friendships become more important after a bereavement, especially as so many seem to drop away because of the situation.