Well I gave in and on Thurday afternoon went home sick from work! First time in a year and have spent 3 days feeling sick and aching and generally just completely washed out. The sofa now has an imprint of my fat bum and many a cheesy tv programme was watched but I have to say I must have needed it as feel better today. I hit a wall and gave in which I have never done and it was quite a spiritual if not a realisation that the old me has gone and I will never be the energetic, carefree, party animal that I was. I felt quite low and couldnt explain what I was feeling to family.
The truth of the matter is, is that after 3 years of being diagnosed I have finally accepted I have BD. I don't think I ever truly accepted it and just thought I would get over it.
WOW, well my OH has been away for Easter with his children and I spent 48 hours comtemplating my future. I have brought out my old art kit. (Going to try painting again). I am going to try to swim once a week and I am going to start writing poetry and stories again like I used to. All things that BD will have to accept. It has been a very deep and meaningful few days with me talking to myself and planning a future with BD and not fighting it!
I felt quite depressed but now somehow feel like a new me can take over and I will try new things that BD allows. I might start an evening class or something but whatever happens I am a new me!
This is a bit deep and want to cry as I type this but I feel I can be open on here and let the true inner me be honest.
I would raise a glass or a chocolate bunny to the new me but dont drink and havent had any Easter choclate (as trying to diet)!!!!
But here is the new me and goodbye to the old!!
Hugs to everyone and I hope you all have a lovely Easter. (My niece is 21 tomorrow so leaving the house for the first time in 4 days for a family meal and cannot wait).