As I outlined in a different post in Anxiety and Depression I am staying with my mom because my spouse has grown frustrated with me and needs a break from me. I'm doing my best to give my spouse the space they need but I really hate being at my mom's house. She doesn't have air conditioning even though the temperature in the summer easily reaches the 90's outside, she just insists on having window fans that pull the hot air inside. Her floors are disgusting and soaked with decades of dog urine. One of her bathrooms doesn't work because the floor looks like it may cave in and the bathroom that does "work" you have to flush the toilet with a bucket of water and to take a shower you have to manually turn on the water supply. I'm supposed to be working on myself while I am here but I feel like I am battling over stimulation and falling into a deep depression.
Fortunately my younger sister was able to bring me a window A/C unit for the room I'm sleeping in so there is one room that is at least slightly comfortable but I just can't stand being here. My spouse had said something about needing 2 weeks but I'm not sure I'm going to make it that long.
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Possum7
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Unfortunately there's not anywhere else I can stay. My younger sister lives in a small 2 bedroom with her husband and my niece and a great dane so there wouldn't be enough room for me there.
That's a pity about your sister not having the space. What things do you normally do to self soothe when you get over stimulated? Do you like to read, play video games, watch something? It can be really important to distract yourself so that the feeling of being overwhelmed can go down.
I am truely sorry that you find yourself in what must feel like a never ending nightmare to you and to be honest.... this dagger in your mind consumes your every waking moment and exacerbated by poor sleep and sensory discomfort not to mention having the one you love rejecting you when they should be supporting you during a time when even the sky itself appears to be falling in on you!
But now is the time to seek out the something within yourself you appear to have forgotten you always had.... your confidence in your own ability to rise above the troubles that seek to hold you down and I am talking about the special part of you that sets you apart from the rest of the humans in this world. Don't think of the scenario you find yourself living as your fault and to that matter, you must focus on what you can do to give you respite whilst you work out how to be triumphant. I learned a good 13 years ago that in order to win the day, you have to stop thinking how to put things right, but instead to let go of what is poisoning you and focus on what you have no problem dealing with.... if a typical human had to live just day dealing with how you see the world, it would leave mental scares they would never be able to let go of, but here you are possum7...look how far you have come and what you have achieved and where you are today in a positive way.... you would not be where you are if you had always just given up on you.... you may feel that you fallen and are now in a worse place than before.... but now you have a bitter reminder of how it once was and now is the time to see the things you are having to deal again as reasons to rise again and flourish even stronger than you thought you once were.... human rarely learn from their mistakes because they blame everyone else.... we are the other way around, we blame ourselves for our own mistakes and become stronger everything we stumble.... I don't know you personally, but as we are a legion of similar minded people by trait and character, I believe in you and know when your ready to take that step, no person, no mountain, not even faith will be able to stop you because you will be ready and you will have that confidence back where it belongs.... right where it always was
Find yourself possums7.... learn to love yourself and just be you
I just got back from visiting my younger sister which was a different kind of over stimulation and I go to my room to try to start decompressing and your incredibly thoughtful message made me cry (good cry) thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement.
It was never my intention to move you so, but having read what you are dealing with and having been there myself, I felt it necessary to reach out to you and draw your attention to something that would help you step out of yourself even for a moment... I just hope what I said has given you a perspective that you had not considered whilst feeling trapped or being held against your souls will. I am fortunate to have broken free from my own demons and been able to see that it was always myself keeping me from being who I am...hence the "glad2bdifferent" tag
If you could do with a certified madman's council,, feel free to ask questions, but remember, all I am offering is another perspective ...An outsiders view if you will....👍
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