Does anyone else get annoyed with do Gooders?I was leaving a pub tonight and a woman ( didn't know her, hadn't spoken to her tonight) tried to help me put my jacket on and help me leave because she saw a walking stick.
I had had a few pints but unfortunately, I shouted ' STOP STOP STOP!'
Is that unusual?
I love do-golfers, especially when they hold a door open for me! You see, I use a rollator all the time and it’s really difficult for me to get through the door with my rollator! I’ sorry they bother you so much!
I was actually talking about when they insist on helping you without asking. I don't want strangers dressing me. I can put my own jacket on, it just takes me slightly longer.
I had the same thing yesterday! Leaving the barbers, as I was putting my coat on to leave afterwards they take a sleeve to help put it on and start to do up the zip for me (and they ended up doing the zip incorrectly, there's me trying to undo it outside and struggling...). Thing is, I could not get any words out to say stop. I didn't even attempt to try and do the zip up, they just went straight to it.
Most do gooders are helpful and rather polite about it all, e.g. door openers, or those that step back and give you a moment to walk down a step. I think my issue in the barbers was just because they were rushing me out for whatever reason (and knew I might take a while to exit..)
Hi Ed. When I have gone to the hairdressers, even.before I had ataxia, they woud help me by holding my coat while I put it on. As an ex hairdresser I can say this is one way of being respectful to your clients.However doing up the zip is definitely a step too far!! Thank you for making me smile
🤣
I probably wouldn't like that but appreciate an offer. Sometimes it feels like my husband should be helping but he encourages me to be independent.
I don't mind folk offering to help and sometimes accept some help when folk offer. But I don't like people grabbing my jacket to help. This person actually wanted to carry my stick to the door for me.
Not good..
such unwanted help reduces me to laughter! The other day in the gym a young lady saw me struggling with the loo door and said ‘can I give you a hand?’ I replied ‘ only if they are warm!’
Most people don’t know how to help and it’s our job to educate them.
Nigel
I'm grateful for any help at all, born out of kindness but that person overstepped the line. People should ask and not touch you anyway. It showed a lack of respect, perhaps say, 'Respect my wishes' if you can, if it happens again?
oh, I suppose we are all different. I don’t think people always realise. I actually love people helping me, I call it kindness, so just think of it that way, even if I don’t need the help really. People open doors for me which is great, because I struggle.
she is everywhere, bless her, although why she asked to carry your stick to the door is beyond me!
I think it's was just a nice gesture. She thought you may need help and wanted to help you. Why did you have the stick with you?
The stick helps me to walk.
So I imagine she thought you were handicapped in some way and thought you might like some help. It doesn't sound like she was doing it to be a do gooder,. but to honestly be helpful.. kind of a "pay it back" situation. ☺️
I still don't think it is OK for a complete stranger to try and dress me.It is also impolite for you to insultca complete stranger as you have just done.
if you drink and have ataxia, good "luck".
Thank you. I occasionally have a couple of drinks on my occasional good days. Yes, it does obviously affect my coordination, but then so does daily life. But there are also days that I don't leave the flat as my pain and coordination are too bad to go out side.My occasional trips to a local pub are beneficial in that they help me socialise. I'm a big boy now. But many thanks for your concern.
I don't appreciate an invasion of my personal space, but I do appreciate an offer to help. The key word is 'offer' as in ask if I would like help. There have been times when I am visually struggling to get my bag or coat on and I am super grateful for that but they still don't invade my personal space and they stop once the coat sleeve or bag strap is on.Unsolicited help that invades my personal space is not appreciated.
I'm often saying to people, thanks for your kindness but I can manage. I take ages and struggle which is probably torturous for them to watch but I know that I have to keep doing stuff. I was having a particularly bad day on Saturday and was walking pushing the trolley in a large busy supermarket. People kept saying sorry to me if they even walked close to me - that doesn't usually happen so I must have been walking terribly 🤣😂. But they were very conscious of not invading my space!
People just want to be kind, they don't understand our illness 🤷🏼♀️
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