My last really bad dip was couple of months ago when I just blogged 'down down down,. I'm not like that now thank goodness. I just realised that when I was like that and working it was at those times that I got very overloaded and had crying fits. Because I was forced to 'perform' at work then I became extra agitated and emotional and coudn't cope. Now I'm not working at least I don't get like that. I am worried about working again though even though I want to. I couldn't go through that again. Also, although I am on anti-deppressants I have no support now. Have had in the past but not sure what I need now. Had the talking therapy and CBT which did help a bit I guess.
But I feel generally depressed all the time now - but on a lower level. I also feel very anxious and find I am continually tensing my muscles. My chest muscles are getting bit sore and my arms and neck. I even do it in company and am beginning to wonder if anyone notices.....
I have a friend with depression who has a standing appointment with her doctor once a month to go and chat. Not been offered that and was wondering if I should ask for it. Maybe my tablets need changing - been on them for about 5 years but just get a repeat prescription. I am also on ad's to help me sleep and they do help. But I still keep waking repeatedly through the night (sometimes half a dozen times). I do usually go back to sleep quite quickly. But for the past month or so I have been feeling 'scratchy and irritable' and feeling everything is a lot of trouble. I am trying to stop my muscle twitching but can't. Its giving me heartburn and indigestion! I can't deal with any pressure and the more I get the more I feel depressed and twitch. Its constant now.
Not sure if I qualify or need more help. I mean I don't stay in bed all day and I do go out and meet friends etc. so that probably means I am not that depressed or anxious though I feel it. I'm confused. I feel a bit of a fraud being able to do all that but still feeling the way I do.
I don't really cry or anything but do tend to slump in front of telly like a zombie. I don't do any housework until I absolutely have to and I am fed up with walking round things on the floor. I only clear up when I feel more anxious about it that I feel about housework (Maybe I am a closet hoarder!). I feel very anxious about my JSA benefits and haven't done anything I am supposed to like look for work. Have been told that I must apply for 4 jobs by 7th January. And I must load cv's on Government web site or I will be in trouble (apparently they can check now how many times you go on etc.) If there aren't 4 jobs I can apply for I must make it up with telephoning employers to ask for work and keep a note of times and dates etc. They can't check that so I will just lie again. Its all overwhelming.
Would really appreciate any comments please.
TwitchyBev x
TwitchyBev x
47 Replies
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Can't really say anything to help Bev as I feel the same, its as if I am here but not here. If it makes you feel better to ramble then ramble away. Lets just hope it's a passing phase. xx
Sounds as if a course of relaxation might help. I get very tense and have to remind myself to relax my shoulders. Chat to your GP or nurse, or if you don't want to do that get a relaxation tape, I'm sure it would help.
Hi TwitchyBev/Hypercat
I just read your blog and thought that it could have been me writing it. Everything you say is just how I feel all the time. I have COPD, Osteoarthritis, and have suffered Depression and Anxiety for the best part of 20 years now; I suffer from excrutiating muscle and joint pain and fatigue, which my GP originally thought might be Fibromyalgia but now believes is caused by my depression and anxiety.
I do have a job but have had numerous periods of sick leave over the past 20 years and currently have been off on sick leave since end of March 2012. I'm now receiving no pay and claiming Employment Support Allowance currently receiving £71 per week which is not very much and this causes me even more anxiety. I'm divorced with 2 children albeit they are grown up, my son (23) is in his last year at university and my daughter (21) is currently working but hoping to go to university next year. I decided to be open about my health with them now that they are adults and they have been extremely supportive but I do not lean on them so that they are able to cope with my health conditions without feeling burdened by me.
On rare occasions I think I could return to work but mostly the thought terrifies me. Through my employer I was referred to Occupational Health who put me in touch with a team of health care workers who run a Condition Management Programme. It runs for 12 weeks and offers a range of help with different health care professionals such as Occupational Therapist, Mental Health Nurse, Physiotherapy etc who offer advice and support through one-to-one contact and group sessions to help you understand and manage your health condition, including pain management, deep breathing, relaxation, diet and mental health issues, This course is also available through the Jobs and Benefits/JobCentre office as part of their 'Pathways - Choices' package. Request to speak to an Employment Service Adviser at your local office and explain exactly how your mental health is on a daily basis and your fears about returning to work and about getting onto this programme.
Also, just arrange to see your GP more regularly, say once a month rather than just ordering repeat prescriptions and ask your GP to refer you into Community Mental Health Services so that you can see a Psychiatrist for assessment and to discuss your medication - 5 years is a long time to be on the same meds and still be feeling as you are. Through Community Mental Health you can also access Psychological Therapy services and a Social Worker; all of which provide great support.
Having more regular contact with the Health Services I mentioned will support your claim to benefits and alleviate the pressure of returning to work. Consider contacting the Citizens Advice Bureau (CAB) about other benefits you may be able to claim - I am in the process of claiming for Disability Living Allowance based on my mental health (not my COPD or osteoarthritis) and CAB can help you fill out claim forms of this type.
Please try not to feel anxious about your claim to benefits or be feeling like a fraud - you aren't pretending to suffer - you are suffering so YES you are entitled to all the help available to you; you just need to ask for it.
I just wanted to mention that I live in Northern Ireland but not aware of where you live so some of the information on services I have provided above may be available to you under different names etc but I still believe will be available to you. I found it useful to search the internet for information first.
I hope this has been helpful and good luck with whatever steps you decide to take.
Normski
• in reply to
Theres lots of advice there Normski. Many thanks for your time and trouble.
I know the benefits available and already get DLA care low rate for depression. I expect that will stop when PIP comes in. The trouble whichever benefits you get have associated problems. JSA means I am under huge pressure to find work while ESA means the dreaded ATOS referral. Not sure which is worse. I just take the easiest option and hope for the best!
I don't feel like a fraud for having JSA but I do for ESA when there are so many people worse off than me. I would feel a failure if I have to define myself as 'someone who can't work'. I have worked all my life and just want to carry on working while not sure if its possible with my depression and sob.
I also know that I am a lot better off healthwise than most on this site and I am always amazed how many of you cope so well. I still have asthma but am just out of the COPD range at the moment. Borderline now. Its the depression and my mood swings which are a killer for me.
I was sacked from my last job for sickness - mainly chest infections and depression. I was only allowed 6 days sickness a year before the oral warnings came. I was sacked on a final written warning for going 1 day over. They were just waiting for the chance to sack me as they had many people there. And that was the DWP!. I think your employers sound much more caring. If you really don't think you can go back to work try and get medical retirement...you would be much better off than just leaving or being sacked.
Oh Bev, I do feel for you. I can't help with advice as I am lucky in that although I can get anxious sometimes, I have never suffered from depression, thank goodness.
It seems that you are in a bit of a spiral.
Are there any organisations that can help with advice? Even the BLF?
dear Bev, it seems that lots of us feel the same, i think its natural to feel like this when we are all learning to cope with copd, and how ur life changes as a result, not being able to do certain things that we use to do, people not understanding why we cant keep up with it all like we use to etc, im am a former mental health nurse, and in the same position as you, the last thing i wanted to do is take tablets but they do help, but there are side effects with them and one of them is that feeling that your here but your not here!
Talking for some helps or just having someone in your corner to explain to benefits people what you are going through right now, even if that is just a letter from your gp, copd nurse just to take the pressure off you a bit.
Tried that june thanks. I was just told that because I am on JSA I have to follow the rules. Did get letter from my gp who said I should not be able to work more than 30 hours a week though. But it further limits my job hunting so its more difficult to find the work to apply for! Oh dear.
The only way out is to try and claim ESA. BUT that involves an ATOS assesement and that is so stressful.....
Hi sorry to hear that bev, alot of us r now in that situation to the changes in benefits, Ive had the atos assesment and yes very stressful but hopefully at the end of the day it will turn out ok, mine was for dla though and appeal coming up soon. So can understand what your saying but that is why the goverment have made it that way so that we give up and they save money! Only you can say what is best for you but there are agencies out there to help you through it and maybe better for you in the long term, good luck hun xxx
Hi Bev,
Have you thought about asking for a review of your medication? I don't know what the official term is but you can become immune to the effects over time and you've said you have been on the meds for 5 years. Maybe a change to something else would work better for you.
You don't say what you are taking, but I'm on Fluoxetine which I take twice a day, morning and night.
Carrie
Hi Bev, some great advice from Normski, I hope you will try and follow some of that information through.
I guess the best people to advise you further on what procedure to take and what may be available in your region of UK would be the BLF helpline, which I believe re-opens on 2nd Jan 10am to 6pm etc.
Sure do hope 2013 brings to you some better, happier days.
Hi Bev, I am feeling just like you, have done for a month. Tried doubling up on ADs on Doctors advice but felt too lightheaded. Back on one but they seem to have just stopped working. I am weepy, lost interest in everything, just sit and do nothing. Doctor wants me to go and see her in the New Year, maybe to try another AD ?. Don't know what the answer is. Thought about buying one of those SAD lamps. Like Carrie I take Fluoxetine but only started on them a couple of months ago, they seemed to work for a while but now they don't. - Oh dear what a moan.
Hi Bev, so sorry that you are feeling this way as I had actually picked up on your great mood recently. You seem to comment very well on blogs on here which is good. I do think you need to chat with your GP about your medication and see if there is any more help you can get. The doctor needs to know how you are feeling now so that he can help or refer you to someone who can help you more. This time of year is not great anyway is it? I do hope you can find a solution but do carry on going out and doing what you can. Try some breathing exercises maybe to help you relax. Good luck to you and hear from you soon. Take care. xxxxxxx
Thanks sassy for your lovely remarks. Like everyone else I try my best to help others as I have been helped. Its all give and take isn't it? Thats what makes this site so good.
Going to see doctor asap and tell her how I am feeling and ask for a review of my meds.
I am very changeable Sassy. I can be in a great mood for a few hours or days then I suddenly go down again. Often there seems to be no reason for it. I can't sustain the great feeling very long but I can the depression one!
Am going to see doctor. Thanks.
Bev x
Oh Bev, how awful for you,you must feel free to have a good moan,people on here understand. Yes I agree with Zoee,Normski gave greaqt advice.I started to have panic attacks about a year ago,and never having been on anti deppressants before,was a bit reluctant about them. My Doc. put me on Zoloft (setraline) 50 mgs,then raised it to 75mgs,a few weeks later, and I have been very happy with that,just takes the edge off.After 5 years I would certainly be looking at a review of the meds, could be time for a change!!
Do let us know how you get on,getting in touch with mental health would be a good start.
May the New Year bring you peace and wellness;
BIG HUGS to you,remember you are not alone!! xxxxxx
• in reply to
Thank you Wendells. I am on sertraline too but I take 150 mgs a day and have done for years. I found only taking 100 didn't really help much. I have been told it is a high dose. Maybe I am overdosing on it? I was prescribed that much. Also take 15mgs mirtazapine to help me sleep.
Doesn't seem to be much mental health help here. Seems to consist of short courses which I have done or referral for talking therapy which I had to wait a year for last time.
Most people I met seem to be alcohol/drug abusers (or ex). Maybe its tailored more for them?
Anyway will look into it many thanks.
Bev xx
Ps.please dont feel a fraud about going out etc.That is great you do so,and would be helping yourself xxx
Hi Hypercat I'm also feeling the same I was on Citalopram for about 18 months when the side effects started to cause severe rhinitis so I had to stop which is a shame, I have tried Sertraline but had dreadful side effects the panic on them was horrendous. I have now got Fluxotine but I'm frightened to start them as the thought of the panic on start up, but my husband is driving me mad, this is a moan I go into the bathroom for a wash then he starts a bit of DIY on the door he expects me to sit and wait until he finishes, god he's got all day to fiddle. Any I can offer a bit of help join No more Panic they are very much like BLF feed back is good. You will also see they do stop working after a few years so perhaps a change of AD will help. It's so awful trying to cope with an illness when your partner is well.
Don't be afraid to try Fluoxitine (prozac). I have had several period of depression in my life and am weaning myself off prozac at the mo. For me, they are wonderful, make me feel 'normal', not zombie like, or hyped up, so I can only praise them. Have also found it easy to come off prozac (been on them twice before)
Hi Sylvsmum my GP has given me prozac liquid so l can adjust the dose, did you feel anxious on start up. On the No More Panic forum girls their seem to be struggling with the anxiety feelings. My GP said i will get it as that's the way it works, after Sertralin l was so strung up with panic it's a horrible feeling, but feeling very depressed again, l seem to have trouble with meds anyway. Just wanted to know a bit more thanks.
It was a time in my life when family pressures and other worries were the cause of the anxiety, so I just felt relief that I'd got some help when I took them. Just think it is best to persist, unless you feel too awful, in which case, back to the GP> Sorry I can't be more helpful.
That is the trouble with anti-D's, what suits one doesn't suit another. I know someone who is on Seroxat which has had a very bad pres, but it suits her and keeps her depression away. I think depression is the worst illness you can have.
I am no good at medical advice but have yoy tried joining a local Breathe Easy group.
There you will find friendship with people with similar conditions and being able to talk to them can quite often release a lot of stress Most groups have a nurse present at their monthly meetings who you can also talk to in private.Join up it's free.
Yeah I am going to go to my next Breathe East Group. The first time I had bad chest infection and the second was too depressed to go out. Third time lucky! Thanks.
It sounds like you do need your mental health problems reassessed and the advice above sounds like the best steps for you to take in the new year, the mind can play strange tricks on us and we all react different. Expressing your feelings is a good way to release tensions and everyone on here will try to support you if they can. Best wishes for a better new year for you.
Hi Bev I ve similar problems spoke to my doctor and she said it very common in people with long term illness to feel like this and has prescribed mild anti depressants which do help a bit. Perhaps go see your doctor could be the first step to take. I know it is difficult to talk about how you feel as least it was for me but it is worth it give a try, the problem is help seems to be patchy in local GP s our doctor is very good and has said to go back any time to see her, not much advice I m afraid but if you can talk to someone it will be a step forward Good luck in what you decide to do.
PET, HAVE SUFFERED WITH ANXIETY ALL MY LIFE , BEEN ON TABLETS FOR 30 YRS, SO I UNDERSTAND THE ANXIETY BIT, I DON,T SUFFER TOO BAD WITH DEPRESSION, BUT, WHAT I,M GOING TO SAY YOU MAY THINK ME MAD, MY HUSBAND HAS SUFFERED WITH VERY BAD , ASTHMA SINCE CHILDHOOD , HE TOOK UP SPORT JUDO, AND SWEARS IT HELPED, I TRY TO EXERCISE LOL ON THE BED , BECAUSE WE CAN CHANGE OUR BRAIN CHEMICALS WITH EXERCISE, I HAVE A ARTIFICIAL HIP, AND THE COPD, I HAD A BRILLIANT BOOK ASK YOUR LIBRARY IF ITS STILL IN PRINT , "SELF HELP FOR YOUR NERVES , DOCTOR CLAIR WEEKES," IT WAS MY BIBLE FOR YRS , MIND SAYING ALL THIS I JUST HAD TO LOWER MY SHOULDERS BECAUSE I AM GETTING TENSE COPD IS SCARY, AND FEAR KEEPS US AFRAID AND TENSE , KEEP TALKING , I,M THE OFFICIAL WIMP IN HERE GRIN LOVE JUDE
You could not be a wimp if you tried,you' just as you say' like to ramble on to get things off your chest.Why don't more Healthunlockders ramble on a bit,it would do them good.I am not a wimp because I don't know where to begin or do I:- itchy scalp,brains(depression)(memory loss),cataract, rampant tinitus,excyema on face,pacemaker,titanium rods in left leg,cramps in both legs,pain in lower lumber region,loss of grip in hands(keep dropping things),water works problems,aching neck and shoulders,taking up to 16 medications a day.But hey I don't wimp on,oh I forgot about my lungs,nasty COPD.Me a wimp NO
I would have expected your GP to review your meds from time to time, so maybe if you are feeling this bad it is time for them to be reviewed and maybe try something different for how you feel. I am sorry that I cannot offer much more than that. I have been dealing with depression for so long now that I would not know where to start myself. I think over the years I have just accepted the depression is part of me and it very rarely shows to the point where people notice. Hubby says I have become that good at hiding it now, even he is not sure when I am depressed or not. I wish you well hun and I hope someone can help you with this xxxxx
I am sorry about your depression Ozzygirl but you have raised a very good point. Maybe I should just learn to accept it as part of me too. Maybe there is no remedy and I should stop thinking something is wrong. Maybe its natural and, after all, we all have limitations - maybe thats mine and yours? Maybe it causes more problems in life thinking there is a 'cure' for everything when in reality theres not. Mmmm
Bev x
I am overwhelmed by how many of you lovely people replied to my ramble. Its good to know I'm not alone. And that you all understand and care.
On a positive note I went out New Years Eve and ended up winning 1st prize in the Christmas raffle in my local pub. It was 200 pounds! The landlord laughed and called me a jammy git while giving me the envelope stuffed with 20's. So many people said well done and I deserve it (even before I bought them a drink!). Best start to a new year I have ever had....
Happy New Year to Everyone here and I hope it gets off to as good a start as mine.
Bev xxx
• in reply to
Congratulations Bev, onward and upward as the saying goes xox
Well done to you Bev! How brilliant is that! Happy New Year to you and you take care. You have gotten off to a great start so hope it continues. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Oh how wonderful, congratulations.Please do go and get those meds reviewed though.No1 priority i thinks!!
I do know exactly how you feel Hypercat. The lines about lying in bed, and slumped in front of TV all day rig especially true. I just wish I could help, I wish someone could help all the poor people in this area.
I hope your GP can refer you to a Councillor, and sort out your medication, personally Im on Floxitine big dose in the morning, ans then a huge dose of amitryptaline in the evening. I find I can sleep on these meds, but there are very low times. A good GP can really help.
Please dont think you are alone, everyone here is brilliant, also give the help line a ring, and just chat to them it really, really helps. You must speak to someone, if its not the helpful folks here then the Samaritans, and get that GP to refer you asap.
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I am new but I am worried about my brother
Here for just a bit! I am getting over myself!
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I'm new here and Perhaps feeling a bit sorry for myself
