Just very anxious about how I feel. Depressed. I wrote a long post yesterday about my sxs which began earlier this year. I have semi-normal PFT's. But feel absolutely crummy. This persistent sob. When I get up to move the sob gets worse, and my heart rate does too. Does it make me anxious? Yes. Probably does not help. But I know neither is in my head. Anyway, not sure how to calm myslef down, and I have not even been diagnosed with anything yet. I appreciate what people had to say yesterday. I am pretty convinced I have Emphysema, even tho my spiro has been ok. I know that it something which can be preserved and still have damage to lung tissue. Even tho the spiro is good, I feel like just disappearing. Not sure i could handle having a chronic illness, and I don't even have one yet! Just how I feel I cannot imagine it being worse. I realize though many on here have it really bad and have a sunny outlook. I know it is not all roses and I feel silly in some ways for complaining. Just that I am in a tough place right now, have been for awhile. Kept up a good outlook but the more I read, the more I think about it.......the longer this goes on everyday, it is hard to continue with the happy face. I definately feel.......not myself. Depressed for sure. Like I said, I have not even seen the Pulmo yet. And look at where I am now.
It has been a tough year for me. My marriage ended a couple weeks ago. Though it probably did early on. Was not married long, my wife and I were friends before, that is now done. My health issues began in Jan. Well actually I think it has been brewing awhile, I just ignored things........now I am breathless each day, doing hardly anything. So my divorce has nothing to do with how I feel physically. Mentally, yes. My wife never really believed me, how I felt. I would ride my bike, do other things and she thought because I did those things, how short of breath could I have been? So when i head "home" I will be sick, divorced and honestly I have no friends where I live. I had been away a lot working and doing other things, so was unable to form many relationships. My mom will help me out, and I start a new job, where I know people as I had worked there before, so that helps. But I am quite scared of the future I will admit, and whether or not I have the "backbone" that I need to go on. I am pretty tired, don't sleep well. Where I work now it is pretty easy to get by. My next job will be different. So I need to summon up the strength. I am exhausted though. I was supposed to see the Pulmo a week after my new gig, but I may leave this job if I can and, do it a couple weeks sooner. Not sure how much longer I can wait. Just need to know something so I can go from there and decide how I want to proceed. I will admit, I had thoughts of just ending it, never in my life would I think that I could come to a conclusion like that. But I did.
I have yet to say this to anyone, admit my feelings about it all. Just can't hold it back any longer. I live in the US, but this forum is the place to come to let my feelings be known. I have read through many posts, many happy, some sad. I try to avoid the latter, but hard to do.
Best,
Patrick
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I'm sorry I didn't see your previous post so don't know about your condition..I just wanted to say..please don't give up! We all get depressed from time to time regardless of any health worries..but it will pass! You may think your marriage breakdown isn't affecting your breathing, but maybe it is? Stress can have a huge impact on your breathing! Maybe look up some breathing exercises on you tube ? Anyway, I would see your doctor asap and explain how you are feeling...
Hi there, Patrick. Most people here in the UK are in bed right now. I was just on my way when I saw your post. I can't help much with the sxs or PFT because I am unsure what they are but I could not leave without saying something. Being ill is the pits, isn't it? Especially when you are unsure just what it is you are battling. I think once we know the exact diagnosis and can look up more information it helps. Well, it helped me. I could hardly breathe when diagnosed with COPD and I had reached end stage by then. They gave me 3 years - but that was much more than 3 years ago and I am still here. And you know what? Soon after diagnosis my health improved tremendously - once the right medications were in place and I learned how to handle it.
But to have to do that when your marriage has just broken down adds so much extra stress. So, no wonder you are feeling down right now. And that can lead us down depressing paths. But you found this site. People here will empathise, support and help you even if it is from afar. You also have a new job, people who know you and your mother - a man's best friend, right? So, some positives to start building on. I don't know your time scales but others will be around on here in about 7 hours. Until then read some more uplifting posts, have a coffee, read a good book and start to look towards stepping up from here. I wish you well. Good night.
Just had a thought, there are other forums on healthunlocked and some of them may be of interest to you. There is a heading 'My Communities' on the green bar above. If you select it you will find a drop down where you can 'Browse Communities'. Have a look around.
So sorry that life is grim right now. What a package of crap you are going through. But you will. Hang on to the people that make you feel better. Your mother? Banal, I know but take each minute, one by one. Build on those little scraps of time. Each one will make you stronger. Use distractions, TV, boxed sets. Women are a bit better than men, I think, at devising little treats for themselves and others. I do so sympathise with the nightmare carousel in your head about diagnosis. Once you know more clearly what you are facing it really does help. And then there will be medications to help, and advice from specialists, nurses are often better than doctors. Don't dismiss anti-depressants. Are you on any now?
Thanks. It is all very tough right now. No, I am not on anything.........yet. I guess I just need to get the dx and go from there. All of it very hard to take right now. Especially that I brought it, whatever it may be, on myself. I will just have to see and go from there. I don't think it is a stretch to say whatever its, is not good. Kept thinking it would go away, but I knew better. Nothing I can do about the past now.
I think it does make coping with COPD in whatever form, emphysema or chronic bronchitis, very, very hard to come to terms with because there is sitting like an ugly demon in the back of the brain the knowledge that we have contributed to it by lifestyle choices. Nothing to be done about that. The past IS past. What we have is the here-and-now present. And the other meaning of that word is 'gift'. Right the moment is a gift.
Very true. I had other instances of this, but the circumstances were different. Now I wonder though. I covered up my sxs, when I should have pushed harder. Not that it would have made a difference.
Very difficult knowing how much to push. I always come away from any appt unsatisfued and aware of things I didn't say and questions I didn't ask. My lists don't always help as the discussion goes off In directions I hadn't anticipated. But you will get there.
I do understand how you feel. You are changing things in your life which is not easy and at the same time you are very ill. My late Mother-in-law always used to tell me " this too will pass". And it will, you know that. No one has a happy, sunny outlook all the time and when you feel down and are ill that is even harder. I am sure we all understand how you feel.
You will get things sorted. You will see a pulmonary specialist and your condition will be diagnosed and treated.
Patrick, what a dreadful time you are going through, but the others are right when they say it will pass. So hold on, get yourself the best care you can - hope you have appropriate health insurance (I have friends in the U.S. who don't).
Diagnosis is an awful worrying time and it will get better when you know more about what you are dealing with. When you see the consultant, take a list of questions with you - its hard to remember everything you want to know when you're there - also if possible take someone with you so they can take notes and generally support you.
Over here we have a course called pulmonary rehabilitation, its exercise and education tailored for people with lung disease (most people have copd though not all). I think there is an equivalent in the U.S. called Better Breathers. Efforts website is a good one to find out about stuff (Emphysema Foundation for our Right to Survive). It may be though that with correct medication your breathing will improve. But whether its emphysema or not, exercise and a good diet are essential to keep as well as possible, and a good diet can help with depression too.
Loads of us here have some degree of depression, and we support each other when someone is down. There is also a depression community (Toci mentions other communities above). You can be on as many Health Unlocked communities as you want to, and quite a few from this one are also on the depression community.
Keep posting Patrick and I hope you feel better, physically and emotionally, asap.
Hello Patrick, we all get depressed from time to time. I have COPD and some days I feel just like you. Days when I think, "Oh my God, how much longer does this go on" but then everything reverts back to what I call "normal". I must say coming on here and reading all the posts makes me feel so much better and I know I am not alone. I haven't seen your previous posts as some days (not many) I don't get on here at all. However, keep posting and I am sure there will be many people here who will help you get over this bad patch, which is what I think it is. You have had a lot recently to contend with but hopefully that will pass. Take care of yourself, Juney
Good morning Patrick. It is 9.30 am here in UK as I write this. I was diagnosed 2 years ago with COPD/Asthma, which is allergy related. I was depressed and in a dark place for a long, long time. With many visits to the hospital and GP surgery, I was given lots of medication to take. Some helped other did not. Fortunately in the last 6 months that I can finally and honestly say, I feel as though I am not ill and I have not had an 'episode of illness'.
During that time, I had depressed days and 'ok' days. I found that talking to those nearest and dearest and others who need to know eased the feeling. I also suffer from SAD (seasonal affected disorder), so this time of the year, my body shuts down and I want to hibernate for the duration of the season. I have had this all my life, not just because I am 'ill'.
Looking back, I realised I probably thought the worst and had more depressing days because I live alone.
Patrick there will always be good/bad, right/wrong, left/right...etc etc. Whatever you are going through will pass. You cant see past that cloud hanging over you, however, that cloud will pass.
Stay connected on here. You will make friends, you will be lifted, you will laugh and yes sometimes you will cry!
I wish you the very best and trust you will come through it.
Thoughts and prayers for you, Patrick, in this time of change when you're feeling so ill. I try to focus on the things I can still do and enjoy, not the things I've lost. That takes an act of will, and it's not very easy when you're depressed.... But thanks to that, I think I now have the biggest topographical post card collection in Cheshire!
Patrick. In the UK we have a marvellous treatment to restore parts of our life and help us live more healthily. It's called Pulmonary Rehab...PR for short. Usually but not always gym based but lead by health care professionals. It covers three main areas....exercise, education and distraction type therapies. As you say, being SOB makes you anxious and so makes the situation worse. PR gives the answer to that and I will try to pass it on.
First, although uncomfortable, people don't die of being SOB and even the greatest athletes push themselves when competing into this stage. The important thing is how long it takes to recover....
Right, breathing control will provide the answer. When you become SOB, you go into what is known as the "Fight or Flight" mode. Normally, you would breathe from your diaphragm but your body needs help and so it now "turbo " charges your air intake and you breathe with your upper chest muscles....you will see your chest rising and falling and if you look in a mirror, you will see the veins in your neck sticking out. No problem with this for a short period but the main draw backs are you are only using the top of your lungs, your heart beat has increased because of the fight or flight mode, which makes the body pump out adrenalin. This is a very high waste of energy that you need for your normal tasks and is the reason why we feel tired all the time. We have to break that cycle.
Ideally, you need to be in a comfortable position. One of the bests is to hand your arms over something...if you are out and about , a gate is a good thing. Other ways are to sit upright with your arms relaxed and hanging down beside you....this is important. Your hands must be as low as they will go.
(Reason. Remember the old artificial respiration scheme. Only ever see it in comedy shows, now. They move the poor souls arms above his head...count to four and then move then down beside his hips....well, lifting your arms starts to compress your chest but lowering them opens the chest up.)
Right back to position.....if you have no gate or chair, lean your back against a wall....you need to be in a safe, comfortable position.
Here goes.
Breathing slowly, not too slowly, through your nose. Not a great gasp but just as much as you feel comfortable about. Now, no need to hold, just blow it out with your lips shaped as though you are going to whistle...again not to long. Do this for three or four times and your body will automatically start to relax your upper chest muscles. After the three or four times, carry on breathing in through the nose as before but try to increase the amount of time you breath out.
This is important. While we have been upper chest breathing, our lungs have had stagnant air trapped in them. By blowing out, it is a sort of venturi effect. Think of it as blowing across the top of a bottle that has got a bit of water in it...it makes a noise because it sucks the air out of the bottle.
Carry on in through the nose and out through your silent whistle.
A handy trick here is to as you blow out, find any natural noises that you can make with your throat. It may be a quiet scream, a grunt , a groan...anything and every time you blow out, try to make the noise a little longer in time. Embarrassing in public, I know but the noise does two things. It helps you realise how long you are blowing out for and it acts as a brilliant distraction.
Please have a practice of this. If your suspicions of your condition is correct, you will no doubt be prescribed relievers and preventers to help control your breathing and I presume that you will have to pay for your medications. If you practice breathing control, you will certainly be able to cut down on the use of your relievers. I used to use one entire product a week but since PR, sometimes I don't even carry one.
On the British Lung Foundation website, they have quite a few videos of breathing exercises and techniques, also on you tube.
Sorry its so long but it's important that you realise what is happening to your lungs and why you are taking the action you are. I would suggest, you cut and past the basic control so you can refer to it easily.
i've been doing COPD exercises on youtube. one of the exercises. was sit, then drop your shoulders and jaw. amazing the difference you feel mentally and physically. i do it often now and its amazing how tensed a person can be without realizing it. hope this helps.
amazing how trouble comes in bunches yet you wait it out and things can improve beyond your best hopes. it's like mountains and valleys throughout your life. i've often said, i'd rather trouble did come in bunches rather than spaced out or you'd never have the 'good' times. so take one day at a time and one of these days, life will be better!
Thanks for the kind words everyone. I am just going to take things day by day as best I can. Ill report back after I see the Pulmo. I plan on lurking around, reading profiles until then. Just to get a sense of who is on here. What they deal with.
I do sympathise patrick i have copd and it is frightening when you are unable to breathe i always try to do my breathing exercise breathe in count 2 and breathe out as if whistling with pursed lips count 4 as it also calms me as i can hear my hearbeat slowing. I live on my own with 2 cats and they are always aware when i am under par and stay close. Not sleeping won't help at mo, try a hot chocolate or similar. Reading always helps me before i go to sleep not a scary movie! Maybe you will meet people you gel with at your new job. We are lucky in uk as we get free health service and extra help if we need it. I do hope you start to feel better very soon and know you are not alone. Take good care.
Good afternoon Patrick72, it is very nice to meet you. I have read both of your posts and the first thing that spring to my mind is that you seem to be fixated on numbers, please son't think I am judging you, but I just feel that this is not helping you, you are so concerned with the numbers that you are making yourself more anxious, I haven't got a clue what stage I am at or what the numbers are, and frankly I really don't care, the only number I know is that at my last spiro test I was at 37%I am far more concerned with getting on with my life in the very best way possible.
The first thing I would advise you is asking your doctor to refer you to {Pulmonary Rehab, it is the very, very best thing you can do at the moment, you will learn all you need to know about this disease of ours, you will find out that COPD is NOT a death sentence, which, until I went to rehab, is what I thought, I truly thought that I would be very sob and die. Your will also learn about exercises and food, it really is fantastic and you will be able to allay the fears you have.
As for the depression, you will find that COPD and depression seem to go hand in hand, and most people with this disease get depressed at some time or the other, some worse than others, I take medication for my depression, and when it gets really bad I do something to try and take my mind off of ME, I knit a very complicated pattern or read a really good book, some people sleep, some walk wither on their own or with a dog, you need to find something that takes your mind off how you are feeling.
I have to be honest with you Patrick, I think you are making yourself worse, you are so concerned with where this disease is taking you that you don't seem to be thinking about anything else. It is a progressive disease, but that does not mean that you are going to end up bedridden, it is very, very important to keep moving as much as you can and if you are still able to ride your bike and lift weights you are in the very early stages and you must keep that up as much as you can, and if you get sob and anxious, sit down or lean against something and do Pursed Lip Breathing - slowly breath in to the count of 3 and breath out as if you are blowing up as balloon or blowing out a candle to the count of 6, it is important to breath out for longer than you breath in, do this until you breathing settles down, it will also help when you get anxious.
Please Patrick, don't talk about giving up, you are a young man and you have half your life in front of you, and this disease MUST NOT control you, yes you probably have COPD, but don't let it have you.
Stand up straight and tall and look this thing straight in the eye and take control of the rest of your life.
I am sorry if I sound as if I am nagging, but you are younger than both my children and I am telling you what u would tell the. So take care my friend and breath easy. Big hugs xxx
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