Feeling very lonely

[Iamhealthy123]

Have no one in my life except a sister who is always busy.Just want to stay in bed all day have antidepressants but they don't help.Jo

[CDPO16]

Hi Jo, I have a sister who is always busy too. I'm not alone as I still have my husband but there are times I feel lonely when he is busy with this or that. Anti depressants will help but you have to make some effort too as they alone won't fix things. Try not to spend all day in bed. Get up and get dressed if nothing else. Ask your doctor about social prescribing. That will put you in touch with people who organise group meetings as an outlet for you. Volunteers will usually provide transport too. Best wishes x

[leo60 in reply to CDPO16]

Great reply xx

[CDPO16 in reply to leo60]

Thank you xx

[Ern007 in reply to CDPO16]

Wise words Carole on a tricky subject, I could not find any words.

[CDPO16 in reply to Ern007]

Thank you Ern. I often miss replying to posts as I have nothing worth saying.

[watergazer in reply to CDPO16]

Wonderful reply. X

[CDPO16 in reply to watergazer]

Thank you x

[Clinker]

Sorry to hear your feeling lonely awful feeling always people on here to lift your spirits . Any time you feel low always available for a chat, I live on my own with family in Kent I live in Bedfordshire.

[Iamhealthy123]

Yes it would be lovely to chat

[CDPO16 in reply to Iamhealthy123]

Safer to give your number by personal message.

[Carol_ALUK Partner British Lung Foundation]

Hi I have edited your post and removed your personal number, you can private message your details over to Clinker

Thank you

[peege]

I know the feeling Iamhealthy123, I learnt long ago that nobody will rescue me except me.

After the isolation of the lock downs I felt down and the alone‐ness seems to have stuck. Luckily I have a dog who forced me out into nature and I have to say its very true how uplifting it is just watching to light, trees, children & dogs frolicking around. It's quite hard sticking to a routine too but getting up & dressed in the morning , eating little and often then regular bedtime all helps

[peege in reply to peege]

I'm sorry, I forgot to ask how the cancers are doing, did you contact the Macmillan nurses? If not please do, they're amazing.

[Patk1]

Hiya. Our frieds here have given u very gd replies. Do get up, it is hard whn depressed,but if u get into a routine, get washe+ dressed,eat regulary- even simple meals like cereal,beans on toast,ready meals .it will help.Put tv on,perhaps follow soaps.gives u something to look forward to. You h ave made a gd 1st step sharing how u feel,next step..feet on the floor,go get a cuppa + something to eat xx

[CDPO16 in reply to Patk1]

Great advice Pat.

[garshe]

You have to help yourself. Negative thoughts will attract negativity. Try and make the effort to get out of bed and get dressed for a start, may sound impossible but believe me it will work.

There is a book on Amazon called "The Secret" please read it as it will change your life forever

There are so many that would give anything to be able to get out of bed but are unable, you are able to do this so be grateful

Life is Precious dont waste a second of it. Ask about support groups you can attend.

I hope you can make the effort and your life will have meaning.

You are not happy with your life at present so changing it has to be for the better.

Depression is a terrible thing and I pray your life will change very soon.

Sending healing. Please keep in touch with this forum as we will all support you

Think Positive and attract Positivity xxSheila 🙏🤞💕⚘

[Nightmare2 in reply to garshe]

I think you mean well, but believe me true loneliness is not cured as easily as getting out of bed or reading a book. Even anti depessants, and not all people find it easy to change and force themselves into finding friends, for myself this is me, y husband has end stage COPD and heart failure, we have no children, only one brother left and he lives one end of Uk and me the other, Still got life long few friends, but again all hundreds of miles away. I am not a person to join groups its just been my husband and i doing everything together, when he dies, i am completely alone, got a small holding dog cat and horses, i do everything hee now as he cannot, i am 76 now, i cannot even bear to think how there will be nothing left to go on for when he goes.

Reading books, eating will not help, afater 58 years married so far, and i am not a shallow person cultivate friends for when i need them. So in a nutshell it totally depends on the situation a person finds themselves in as to how severe their lonliness is and whether easy to overcome.

Old age and sudden lonliness is about the worst type.

[garshe in reply to Nightmare2]

I disagree I have been there believe me and have turned my life around ,so I do know what I am talking about. You can change every situation by the way . you think

I also have severe COPD and know what a struggle it is. I was once on 24/ 7 oxygen but now oxygen free

I have taught myself how to manage by excercise and breathing correctly. By being grateful for my life and every single day.

I have a very Positive attitude and this attracts Positivity. Once you go down the road of feeling sorry for yourself its,a hard battle . Remember there is always someone worse off somewhere.

I hope you will he able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

As regards to the Book "The Secret" ,there are also films on the subject on Netflix . No harm in giving it a go it will change your way of thinking forever.

Good luck xxSheila 🙏🤞

[Cavmad in reply to Nightmare2]

So sad to hear that Nightmare. Look forward not back. You are stronger than you realise! Even at an older age we can move on. After 40 yrs of marriage I was left homeless and almost pennyless when my husband just moved on. I'm 64 and yes I look back and remember the good times but am grateful for each day now. Met new friends, new home and even new partner. Another start and second chance at enjoying my life. Remember when one door closes another one opens 😊. Have you thought of moving to a retirement village? My Mum did and she loves it. Good luck with everything

[Cloudancer in reply to garshe]

Wonderful reply Garshe hope that you are also feeling better.Ps after 700 plus days learning Welsh on an app I can now say " how is your dragon" I shall endeavour to sweeze this sentence into every conversation!!!!

[garshe in reply to Cloudancer]

Well you can do more than me as I don't speak Welsh. Good luck it's a hard language to learn as everything is backwards. For example . Good Morning is Bore Da . Translates Morning Good . I personally think its ridiculous lol xx🤞👍🤣💕Sheila

[Cloudancer in reply to garshe]

Yes it's a back to front language but great fun to keep mind / brain busy when other bits of body are unco operative!You are always a bright ray of sunshine Garshe sending hugs ( can't remember Welsh for that if ever I once knew it!)

[garshe in reply to Cloudancer]

Cwtch is hugs xxSheila 💕⚘

[garshe in reply to Cloudancer]

Well you can do more than me as I don't speak Welsh. Good luck it's a hard language to learn as everything is backwards. For example . Good Morning is Bore Da . Translates Morning Good . I personally think its ridiculous lol xx🤞👍🤣💕Sheila

[GintyFerguson]

So sorry you feel like this, it's miserable . Best to talk to your GP but until you get an appointment maybe try speaking to the helpline and there are helplines for folk feeling depressed. Samaratins are open 24/7 . There's also Breathing Space in Scotland . There is urgent mental health advice through the NHS website . Often people find volunteering helps them a lot but that depends on what you are able to do. In my area there are befriending schemes for people who are isolated . Ultimately you could phone social work and speak to the duty worker who should have details of support in your area. Thry might visit you. Good luck, and it looks like your mates on here care. 👍

[LissacFrance]

Hi, depression can be a long haul even for the youngest person. Are you able to get up and about? If so, have you thought about taking a dog for a walk. This doesn`t have to be yours, perhaps a neighbour or someone else close by. I see someone has mentioned "social prescription", a good idea which could include animal care. My wife struggles with bronchiectasis as well as creaky joints, but makes herself go out 2 or 3 times a day with our 2 dachsies. Good for the lungs, hard work for the joints, but fun for everybody. At the moment the older of the dogs loves chasing walnuts that are now falling off the trees. Gives everybody a laugh. Take care, and don`t be afraid to ask for help. Chris.

[Trishe]

Hi, depression is a lonely place, I've been there at rock bottom, it's horrible, I didnt , it will help you, want to be here, but didn't know where else I wanted to be, but only you can start the healing process, by getting up and dressed, get some food, your supplies are probably low, food will boost you, keep doing a little something, just go out for a short walk, and back, look at the sights, listen to nature, all these things will help, if there is a memory cafe around or somewhere where people meet have a chat and a cuppa, that would be great, you'll make some friends then, hope all our suggestions help you.Take Care

Trish

[Souielouie]

Sending you a BIG WARM HUG 🤗 & lots of love 🥰 bless you xx

[Mellywelly]

Depression is horrible and I think everyone goes through it at some stage in life. The worst thing you can do is stay in bed and hide yourself away. You could just go for a simple stroll or get yourself a hobby, and yes I know it's easy for me to say but it can work. It will get your body and mind working. Also you have all of us here to talk to chook. Hope you feel better in yourself soon 😉

[Collienut]

Admins, please delete my post it it's not appropriate.

There has been a lot of great advice already, just wanted to say I've been there too and even though I was surrounded by people at the time I still felt so alone and numb. I wanted to be able to 'pull my socks up' or 'snap out of it' but I couldn't do anything and I just went into my own blank world. Clinical depression was explained to me as a chemical imbalance in my brain and the GP/psychologist needed to get the dose right so I could think clearly again. I think you need to go back to your GP and explain how you feel again, your dose may need tweaking a bit, or maybe some extra support. I fortunately, eventually, turned the corner with help from my GP, so when hospital admittance was advised I was able to turn it down. The good days slowly became more than the bad days. I just wish I'd gotten help sooner so that recovery would have been a shorter road.

The first step for me was small feelings of achievement. Making something, like soup, jigsaw, some sewing, even just changing the bed is an achievement. Going outside and just watching the world doing it's thing. Maybe ask if there are any community meet up groups in your area, our local village holds them every week for anyone that wants company and to meet new friends.

Now, I keep it at bay by walking my dogs and I've got to get up for them and the cat, they are good listeners too. I use the Merlin app to find out which birds are around me then try to spot them. In the evenings I try spot if any hedgehogs have visited. I still make soup or bake too, and jigsaws are great for blocking out any over thinking. These are 'my things', hopefully you'll figure out your things but please go back to your GP and take any help offered.

Hugs. xx

[ForMyPapa]

Hello,

I am sorry that you feel lonely. I do feel the same sometimes. But please remember, things and feelings can change. Nothing stays the same.

Thinking of you from Japan.

[Nula2]

Hi Jo, 🙋‍♀️ like you have have no real support and my life is stressful as well as dealing with lung problems. But this is such a friendly, supportive site and it helps you to feel a lot less lonely. All laced with a vein of humour as well as wisdom. I count myself lucky to be amongst good friends here 😊

[Janzo54]

Hi, sorry to hear you are feeling so down and lonely. Being unwell can isolate us from others. So much positivity has been said but one thing I have learnt from supporting friends with depression is the readiness and willingness to change. All my advice and solutions fell on deaf ears until my friend found her own solutions once she was ready to engage with change but she had to feel her pain first then make small baby steps towards healing.

When I felt overwhelmed after my sister died in the lockdown I talked to a Therapist online once a week, this really helped in that I felt listened to and she gave me useful ideas to help me on a daily basis as I felt very lonely in my grief and found it hard to share what was going on for me with my family.

There are Registered Counsellors online but make sure they are fully qualified and you have researched what type of Counselling would be right for you.

If your feeling very down and are having black thoughts please talk to the Samaritans they are fantastic listeners.

Small baby steps is all you can do at the moment and thats ok, try concentrating on getting up and dressed and feeding yourself that might feel like a huge thing to achieve right now but its a kind and nurturing thing you can do for yourself, once you are up you can start to think about the what next, but it sounds to me like you need some help to get through this depression, remember its ok not to be ok and to reach out and ask for help, but you have to take that step in asking for the help you need.

Good luck and God bless xx

[Iamhealthy123 in reply to Janzo54]

I wonder if your therapist would work for me ?

[Janzo54 in reply to Iamhealthy123]

Yes I think she would, but I dont think we can make recommendations or give personal details on this site?? Can anyone advise please?

[Janzo54 in reply to Janzo54]

Oh I think I see how now from the post below!

[katieoxo60]

Sorry to hear you feel that way, I have been on my own for 20 years this month, but until the virus came along I had lots of friends nearly all living alone. There were many groups then but now its nothing. Sadly on line chat has a place but so does meeting people face to face. Are there no groups in your area at the local churches ect . There is a befriending group on line at Nextdoor which is a national website but you can join in the area for where you live. Its intended for neighbours to help each other but has varied groups on there. You can message me if you want a chat maybe we may have some things in common you never Know. I am semi housebound. but still run out of hours in a day on occasions. Depression can be overcome given time and everyone has bad days or as I call them badder days. We are here on this site

[Iamhealthy123 in reply to katieoxo60]

Yeah I would love to chat how do we do it xxx

[katieoxo60]

I'll send you a message via my chat then you can reply via the chat button on your page

[Sozo]

Good morning Jo! I so understand as my step father is suffering with great loneliness after my mother's passing some time ago and unable to do the things he once did. He is now 87. I know the name of "Jesus" offends many, but I must tell you, He is my reason for living! I know my Redeemer lives! I attend a bible believing church, read and study His word (the bible) and talk to Him through out each day. I have much joy even through hard times... Blessings to you 🙏🏻

[PAP48]

Hi Jo, I won't add to the wonderful support and advice you've had from other members, all such good advice. Just wanted to send you a hug and hope things improve soon for you. x

[Alberta56]

You've already taken the first step by contacting this site, where you've made lots of online friends who are all concerned for you. Very good luck in taking the next small step. xxx

[leakeadea]

I truly understand, I live alone, mostly bed bound, family too busy to spend time with me and I'm a wheelchair and oxygen user if out of bed. I got so low I began self harming and planned my suicide several times. This little lady saved me. She's a rescue cat, I rescued her but she "rescued me right back"😻. She gives me a reason to get up each day, she gives me so much love and I never feel alone anymore. She came from a difficult start in life and it took a while to get her to trust me but it was worth the patience. She's the most gentle and loving cat I've ever had.

I've not had a pet for many years due to my health but adopting a slightly older cat can be so rewarding. She's my constant companion, sleeps on the end of my bed. I was concerned re my breathing and having a cat but I have a small hepa filter by my bed in the main room i sleep in and I've had no issues as it keeps the air constantly filtered, in fact I'd recommend having a hepa filter even if you don't have pets, they definitely improve the quality of the air and remove viruses from from the air.

Peppa's an indoor cat but with a safe cat enclosure outside she can sit in with me when I feel up to it.

Going outside is so important for our mental health but I didn't want a cat roaming free as there's too many dangers out there nowadays and couldn't bare it if someone hurt her or she got run over.

I'm soon having disabled works to my property that will give me a raised patio straight out from my living room into the back garden and I'll put a cat enclosure on that too, so we can sit outside and enjoy the views I have over farmland.

I really do understand what you're feeling and hope adopting a pet is something you can do, they really do change your life because suddenly something "needs you" and wants to be "loved by you" and it gives you a reason to still be here. Before Peppa, I couldn't find a single reason to stay alive but she gave me one. I still sometimes have my down days but having her by my side pulls me out of my dark and negative thoughts. I also communicate with other pet owners online and share we photos of our pets. I've always preferred the company of animals to humans, so we don't need lots of human family around us, when our animal families can bring us so much joy and love. 😻😍🥰

My gorgeous rescue cat Peppa 🥰

[Loopylorre]

Lots of great advice here already, so just sending you a hi 👋, keep talking on here as the advice & people are very kind & knowledgeable, sending lots of positive vibes & hugs 🤗 to you, hoping you have better days on the horizon, small steps but you can do it with the right support xx 💐🤞🏻😊

[Germantara]

I can understand how you feel I to have no one to talk to even though I have a son and daughter and a sister they pop round to see me when they feel like it don't want to know bout my concerns most off time I'm on my owen I found occupying my mind with doing puzzles takes a week or 2 but I do it and this forum has been fantastic and all lovely peaple a fantastic you're not alone hope you're feelings improve

[Iamhealthy123 in reply to Germantara]

It's just looking after myself I can't cook to fatigued with the cancer and depression has taken over how do you manage to feed yourself

[Marionmarion in reply to Iamhealthy123]

Hi! Does your GP know that you cannot nurish yourself? You should be priority to get a regular carer. Please give them a ring ASAP. You do need some care plan worked out for your personal needs as well as social connections and have your antidepressant reviewed. I am positive your GP can sort this all out for you. And please stay in touch with us here and keep us updated! Best of luck and hugs 🤗

[Thinkhealthy]

So many people have suffered depression. It’s awful, I really hope you can start to feel a few moments of lightness soon and gradually heal and feel better. I was advised to start with having one or two tasks every day and to get up and shower at a fixed time every morning. There aren’t quick fixes but it’s one day at a time and each day is a chance to find a new good moment. But do speak to your gp. Sometimes a short course of anti depressants can really help you get going again, and starting to find ways of meeting people and sharing something may sound like a big ask now but it’s worth keeping going and you will get there . Xxxx

[Iamhealthy123 in reply to Thinkhealthy]

Can't feed myself to fatigued with the cancer and depression has a hold of me antidepressants don't work and I hate meals on wheels

[Iamhealthy123 in reply to Thinkhealthy]

Can't feed myself can't cook so fatigued with the cancer and depression how do you manage tried meals on wheels and they are awful

[Iamhealthy123 in reply to Thinkhealthy]

Can't feed myself so worried about my cancer depression and selling my house can't cook and meals on wheels is horrible how do you manage

[Iamhealthy123 in reply to Thinkhealthy]

I've tried several antidepressants and they didn't work can't feed myself with the fatigue of the cancer and depression what things do you cook

[Marionmarion in reply to Iamhealthy123]

Supermarkets deliver food. I have been ordering from them for years. There are some really yum ready meals, a few minutes in the microwave, there's a good range of selection. Keep browsing through it, that keeps you busy and gives appetite! I use ASDA, Sainsbury's, Tesco, Morrisons, Ocado, Iceland, Waitrose, they are all online and deliver everything, fresh and pre-cooked! 😋 🤗

[Hidden]

If ever you want someone to talk to then am always available Jo x