Help me

[blueknitter0202]

I need advise about my nan who has COPD and poor mental health. She will not actively seek help!

[sassy59]

Hi blueknitter, that must be a huge worry for you and your family. When was your Nan diagnosed with COPD? Can you speak with her GP or consultant if she has one. I hope she gets all the help she needs very soon.

Do stay in touch. Xxxx

[blueknitter0202 in reply to sassy59]

My nan doesn't have an official diagnosis since the doctor was unable to perform the peak flow test due to Covid- 19 last year. My nan has severe mental health needs and I am worried that she is refusing to seek help as a form of self- neglect and self-harm. Today my nan has been struggling to breathe but gets very agitated when we tell her to call the GP or an ambulance. This has been going on for over a year now and is progressively getting worse. She takes to her bed when she is having a flare up but won't accept that it won't do her any good. What do you recommend we do? Are there any services we can refer her to?

[sassy59 in reply to blueknitter0202]

See if you can speak to her doctor on her behalf. You could also try social services. If needs must perhaps dial 999 and get an ambulance to her. I do feel for you and hope you’re getting some support. Your Nans mental health needs taking seriously and I wish you well with that. Xxxx

[blueknitter0202 in reply to sassy59]

Thank you! xx

[Patk1 in reply to blueknitter0202]

Does she have a homehelp or carer x

[blueknitter0202 in reply to Patk1]

No

[CDPO16]

It must be quite upsetting for you but your nan may have her reasons for not seeking help and this is always a personal choice. Do you have other family to help you? You may be able to speak to her GP about your worries but sometimes they will want the patients permission. I hope that you get some support for her and yourself. Best wishes.

[blueknitter0202 in reply to CDPO16]

I think that is the only thing we can do. I have plenty of family to help but she will not listen despite our efforts

[CDPO16 in reply to blueknitter0202]

I'm glad that you have plenty of family around you. It may be that she doesn't want treatment. As hard as it is, just try and give her as much love and support as you can. 'Being there for her' will help perhaps more than you think. Keep in touch if you need to chat anytime. Best wishes to you all.

[Damon1864 Volunteer]

Hello, I agree with Sassy you need to speak to her GP about this, they can advise how best to deal with this. I hope your mam gets the help she needs and you get answers to ease your worrying please keep posting and let us know how your mam is doing. Have a good night and take care 😊 Bernadette and Jack 🐕 xxxxxx

[blueknitter0202 in reply to Damon1864]

Thank you !

[SORRELHIPPO]

I have done this myself, on and off in the past, there are some types of help, I just will not accept. It can be very difficult for those around us, to understand. If an older person has a form of depression, it is difficult to diagnose and treat, I know my Mother had to be sectioned before she could get the help she needed. From my point of view, all you can do is let the GP know of your concerns, ring 999 if it is bad (put up with the flack afterwards), but mostly be there and listen, and start to keep a record, so if she does get admitted, you can give a coherent history of the changes in her condition. If she is anything like me, the more you try to get her to seek help, the more she will dig her heels in, especially if fear is at the bottom of why she does not want hospital or doctors help. When I worked with the older generation, often someone would say to me, that they could remember an aunt or uncle, who, the minute they were admitted to hospital, or saw a doctor, they died. So, to them, it meant no more could be done, if you sought that sort of help. I have told my friends, especially the one who is my medical power of attorney, that my end will be mine, they should have no guilt, when I do not have help, when they would have. I will pray for both of you, you both need strength for the future.

[blueknitter0202 in reply to SORRELHIPPO]

I agree with this. My nan has a fear that if she goes into hospital then she will die in there and so she refuses. she told me that she would have gone mad if I had rang an ambulance last night. It is a really stressful situation because my great nan, her mum has been diagnosed with generalised non Hogkins lymphoma and is receiving chemo to prolong her life and so if I was to call an ambulance, there's a possibility that she would be sectioned under the MHA and since we don't have long left with my great nan, I am afraid that she wouldn't be able to be there for her mum. It is so difficult and I just don't know what to do for the best. Thank you for your advise.

[SORRELHIPPO in reply to blueknitter0202]

Do you think, that underneath it all, she does not want to outlive her Mum? We humans are odd creatures. Very hard for you.

[Debs_ALUK Partner British Lung Foundation]

Hello blueknitter0202I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through with your Nan. This sounds like an extremely stressful situation for you all. You can get 24 hour advice and support from the NHS mental health Helpline and I have added the link for you below. Do reach out to them if you need help. If you would like to speak to one of our nurses about the general management of your Nans COPD you are very welcome to call us on 03000 222 5800.

nhs.uk/mental-health/advice...

Take care

Debs

[blueknitter0202 in reply to Debs_ALUK]

Thank you for providing these

[Ergendl]

Do you have regular contact with your Nan? This may seem an off the wall suggestion to try, but it might help her mood as well as her breathing. Find out what her favourite music was in the past, and play some when you're there. Get her reminiscing and singing along. Singing releases feel-good endorphins and works the respiratory muscles.

[blueknitter0202 in reply to Ergendl]

I try to do this every time I see her but when she is having a flare up with her COPD, she doesn't let anyone in her house so I can't always do this.