Hi guys,
Had a really bad couple of days.
Got a letter from my consultant confirming I have the above, and that he has no doubt its connected to the birds, so we'll be looking at moving them outside. Two of them I don't mind going outside, but one of them, my Quaker parrot "Bowie", I'm devastated about. He's only 6 months and we already have a close bond.
The letter also stated that my CT scan showed I have an enlarged Thymus gland. Apparently it should shrink once you get past puberty, but mine hasn't. So he wants to inject me with stuff to get a better look, and also do a comparison scan of my lungs. He's said it can happen, but due to the amount of radiation I've been exposed to recently due to X-rays and CT scans, he wants to wait until at least after Christmas.
Now I'm panicking I have the dreaded C word, as Dr, Google show the symptoms of it as what I have! And I know I shouldn't be doing that, but as someone who works in the veterinary world, I just can't be told something and not look it up. I know I'm more than likely over reacting etc, but this has really shook me.
Its like in one paragraph he's saying "Yes you have lung disease", which I was readying myself for, but its still a hard pill to swallow, and then in the next paragraph its like "Oh and this could be an issue too".
My life is changing quicker than I care to believe, and I know I need to suck it up and just deal with it, but I feel I need a bit of time. My husband is not being too great towards me at the moment and the evening after I found out the news, we had a massive fight and he really upset me. I felt like he kicked me when I was down and I ended up saying some hurtful things. Though we worked past it pretty quick, I still feel bitter about it cuz his timing sucked!
I feel so all over the place.
I also fear for my career. I'm a veterinary care assistant, and I want to work towards my vet nursing and I fear my boss won't support (or pay) for me to do this because I could die from a chest infection. I told her all about it when I found out, and she commented "Let's not get ahead of ourselves", but I know how her mind works and she won't want to waste money on someone who will potentially pop their clogs from a cold!
My body feels tingly and buzzing from either how I feel at the moment or the steroids. I constantly have to bounce my legs from the anxiety of it all. I suffer with depression as well and I feel like I'm breaking and I don't know how to stop this.
Yet I feel like such an idiot because there are people so much worse off than me and I am so lucky for everything I do have. I want to shake and slap myself.
I don't want to wallow, but I don't know how to get myself out of the hole I'm digging for myself...and my depression kicking me in the face and sticking its fingers up at me at the moment too.
Please can I get some positivity from you guys to jolt me out of this utter crap!!
I do have a couple of questions that you guys might be able to help with as my consultant is so unavailable currently....1) What face mask would be good? I like colourful, and have been looking at masks on Amazon and 2) The consultant did mention on the first meeting about testing bird feathers to determine which ones might be causing all this as it might not be all birds...but the NGHS are unlikely to pay for it, so does anyone know where I could get this done and pricing? Depending on cost, I don't mind paying for it.
P.S. Photo of my Bowie boy for something positive in this post.