This little note is pinned next to my P.C so that I will never forget.
When my 3rd daughter was born in 1968, she had a port wine birthmark covering 40% of her face (Still has it despite many laser ops but thankfully can cover it with make up). My late wife could not look at her, totally distressed, and would not even breast feed her for 2 days. Finally the Dr's came up with a plan.
They took us to the nursery,all the cribs were lined up with newborn babies wrapped in bundles of white blankets,all in rows and there in the middle was Donna (our daughter) she stood out like a beacon with her birthmark. My wife shut her eyes and would not look at her.
Then another baby started to cry but the sound was gargled, the Dr told us the little girl had no palate, my wife opened her eyes just as the Dr lifted another little one from it's crib, unwrapped the blanket. THE BABY HAD NO FEET. My wife soon realised that there were others far worse off than us and started breast feeding that morning.
That is why I have carried this little note for the past 48 years.
May GOD Bless us all and keep us in the hollow of HIS hand.
This has touched me deeply Will, and I understand your wife's reaction - she would be blaming herself, and it must have been a terrible time for you all. What a real sensible and compassionate demonstration . You owe that Doctor much. Your daughter has has had a lot of laser work done, but one good thing is as you say - it can be covered with make up. When I first started work in the fifties, my immediate superior had a huge port wine stain that she covered in Max Factor panstick. She became my best friend and stood for me at my wedding in 1958- After a day or two of working with her I never even noticed the birthmark - her doctor had told her Mother there was nothing that could be done in those days. I can't say more.
• in reply to
Thank you Jennifer,
It really was a hard time, Donna only got to know her mother for a little while before June passed away (Cancer).
Those early days when I used to wheel Donna into a supermarket and all the "Ladies" would stare at her, I did eventually stand two of them up.
Now I regret my actions but at the time it felt good.
My daughter has grown up and even today stills feels embarrassed if someone sees her without make up on.
I have seen some marvelous results from other souls who have this dreaded mark, alas, not my daughter.
Thank you for sharing your story with me
Your Aussie mate
Will
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I apologise for my insensitivity Will....I did not know that your wife died so young. I'm glad you faced off those stupid women. Your Daughter has a magnificent Father, but she knows that.
Jennifer.
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No need nor any apology Jen.
There is a reason for everything
There is an old saying I keep repeating to myself especially when someone I know passes
"Some folk live like they will never die
And some die as though they had never lived"
Let us hope that when it is our time we are not in either category.
I love that caption where linus and snoopy are sitting on the dock
Linus says "Everyone has to die some day Snoop"
Snoopy replies "But on every other we do not".
Stay Happy Jennifer
Will
• in reply to
I am going to be on the other ones.
Will - my second husband, a Scot, had two little girls 2 and 4 when I knew of him. His wife had recently died, she had developed breast cancer at a time the doctors were on strike and for six weeks nothing could be done. Too late then. Like you probably - he thought that there was nothing a woman could do that he couldn't. The girls Grandparents in Edinburgh wanted to rear them but he refused, took time off work until he could get sorted locally. He took the girls up to Scotland for the holidays and it all worked out well. He said his washing mistakes when everything was pink he dried indoors. Some of you men are brilliant.
Jennifer
• in reply to
I think your Scotsman found himself someone special in you jennifer
Will
• in reply to
I was the lucky one Will.
On tenterhooks today, at this moment my eldest daughter is having an operation to insert pegs in her jaws to support new teeth - her heart medication ruined her real ones and she has struggled for years. She said this morning the only thing she was looking forward to was the valium...heh heh that's my girl! My two stepdaughters both have wonderful teeth.
Jennifer
• in reply to
Just going to bed and thought I would check the net,sorry to hear of your daughter's worries Jen.
I have not heard of "pegs", only know about "all on four" where they insert 4 plates into you gums and then screw dentures in to them. I have a friend who had this op done last year and he swears by it.
Also we have a member of our support group, enjoys going into hospital (she has had a lung transplant and a partial removal of the other lung) she just loves the drugs!!
I will include your daughter in my prayers tonight,albeit your AM
Night
Will
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Thankyou so much Will. I have spoken to her on the telephone - well, I spoke and she grunted. I feel so bad not being there with her as her "Responsible Adult".....the pictures I saw in her brochures looked like nylon screws, but I'll know more when she is able to speak. She has medication and instructions . Thank goodness the first part is over. I hope she is sleeping now. Thankyou for your support.
night night, sleep sound
Jennifer
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Good Morning Jen
Thanks for the "heads up" Jennifer, I am sure your daughter is in good hands.
I would appreciate an update when you have the time.
Will
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Good morning Will,
Rang Amanda when her neighbour let me know she was home, and had a word, but she was having pain and just wanted to sleep. Am hoping she had a restful night. I'll ask her for the web address of the Clinic she went to for the op, and pass it on to you in case you are interested to know what she is having done. I'm unable to sleep .....even though she is 55 I worry for her....Popped in to see what Merlin is doing - he has got down off my bed and on to his own so I'll have one more cup of tea, answer a few emails then sneak back in for an hour before he wakes up and tells me he is ready to go walking.
Cheerio for now.
Jennifer
• in reply to
Much appreciated Jennifer
Now please have a rest
Will
• in reply to
Thankyou Will. Morpheus evaded me last night....think he saw me coming. I'll probably catch up later.
I am sure there are far more stories out there just waiting to be told. We are so blessed to have this site to "let it all out". In my case perhaps to let others know, "You are not alone".
We all have our stories some good, some not so good and it is very humbling for me to have told one of my many and to see that it has touched so many
What a heart-warming story. Sorry about your daughter, but she has obviously learnt to live with it and accept it. I am glad she is able to cover it so successfully. God bless you both.
I found your post very moving, got a lump in my throat. Your Daughter is lucky to have your protection from some cruel and shallow humans. She must also know that beauty comes from within, so many people look good but have very little about them to sustain them in this world.
Thank you Will for posting , have a G'day! huff xxx
I guess we all need to be reminded occasionally that we do not suffer alone,and even in our darkest hours we see or hear of other poor souls whose life conditions a far worse than our own.
I could not agree more with you re "Beauty". My wife is a "Stunner" the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, yet her inner beauty is by far the greater of the two.
Susan "took me on with 4 young girls when she was just 25 (ten years younger than me) most would have walked away and here we are 38 years later,sadly,now she needs my love, care and support due to this "beast" of a disease (IPF).
hey will..have tried Hampton group again..not a response but am sure eventually will be.Regardless am a strong person...survive am sure wit my friends amaing care and love..survive for ever.would just like to help anyone that felt as fragile as me to start.Lots to aim for and share with others.
Will thank you for asking...am trying pretty hard and an so lucky with all the wonderful people around.Do get a bit tired but battle not over yet.Your kind thoughts apart from allowing me to cry privately are always great my friend.
Peter, aren't we lucky to be living in the present time, where we can use the net and to have a site such as this to meet and dialogue with strangers, who, even though we may never meet, become good friends.
Stay safe mate
Will
Hi this is an amazing story thank you for telling us that. Not all comments are deliberate though as I remember a time when I was with a current bf and we were at a party. This girl had a big stain on her face and my bf didn't realise and asked her about her 'make up'. She got upset and he was upset too as he didn't mean to hurt her. He felt awful about it. x
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How many times have we wished we could take back what we said?
I know that after berating the two ladies I went home feeling totally ashamed of myself.
I can only feel for your bf.
A few years ago, well a long time ago I was out with friends and asked one of the girls when she was due. She gave me the oddest look and replied curtly, "I am not pregnant", so I can guess how your bf felt.
Wonderful post, Will, Touching story. How is your lovely wife? I do hope everything works out for her. Life is so unfair. Remember this one? Walk a mile in my shoes, see what I see, hear what I hear, feel what I feel, then maybe you'll understand why I do what I do.Till then, please don't judge me. Thats a good one also. Rubyxx 😊
Great line Ruby, I remember it well, probably from the song by Joe South and the Believers "Walk A mile in my Shoes".My band used to play this many, many, years ago.
Susan is struggling with the "Beast" and a transplant cannot come soon enough. Very strong willed lady is my wife. Her general health has declined but still performs her daily tasks,and never complains about her illness.
yes thank you reminding us no matter what to count our blessings - on that note I was watching a programme about what life was like for refugees in the camps who were disabled and when you saw what they had to endure with little or no help made me think how lucky I was with access to medical care, carers, equipment etc but they also showed the work of a charity called handicap-international.org.uk who were doing good work trying to help these people so decided to give them a donation and had thought of maybe posting on here but thank you your posting gives me the opportunity to do so now thank you xxx
I also use a site called Inspire (USA based) and I communicate with a young lady Dr who works in the camps in Syria. Her uncle is in a bad way (IPF) and she is troubled by what she should do as a GP,and as a family member who loves her uncle dearly. This disease is beyond her yet the family want her to do something. Her country has no Transplant options, and the men in her village are not helpful. A stick you head in the sand attitude
I cannot comprehend what she sees and has to deal with on a daily basis in the camps.
Ruby, If I may be so bold, please be careful how you make a donation, I am stunned at the graft occurring in some of these so called aid agencies.
There is only a small percentage of the money reaching the refugees,most of it goes to pay the people in the agencies.
Here, in Australia, I used to sponsor 3 little girls overseas (When I was working). To my dismay I discovered that the CEO of the agency was receiving $350,000 to be the figurehead of same. The avg yearly wage was $30,000 and this was a man of the cloth. I finished with them and bought the village a cow. Let them try and take a % out of that.
The good LORD will someday call us all to account for what we have done or failed to do.
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