Years ago, when I was being a sort of P.A. to the Galloping Major and his wife...I'd actually been hired on a part-time basis to do the housework but that job description disappeared the very first day when the Major asked me to be on the alert...and why would I need to be on the alert I asked...I was polishing the hall floor at the time with one of those bumper machines which I was finding to be great fun...Very Important People due for a spot of lunch he said!
So'll you'll be wanting me out of the way then Major? Good grief...most certainly not, he answered...I shall need you to mingle! He actually did speak like that...every sentence ending in an exclamation mark...became quite wearisome after a while...
I thought the old boy had lost the plot...these were my last 'hanging on to being a Hippy days' so I was dressed in a long skirt and was wearing dangly earrings and smelt of Patchouli oil...and Beeswax floor polish.
So I put the floor bumper thingy back in the cupboard and washed my hands and added some more eye-liner and dithered about until he grabbed my arm and marched me into the garden with instructions to pick flowers for the tables.
I was still doing so when a sleek black car drove up the driveway and a man and his dog emerged...I squinted at him and thought he looked familiar...he was the Commander of the land forces in the recent Falklands war. I immediately totally forgot Himself...we hadn't been married long...quite forgot to remember how heartily I dislike the armed forces and fell hopelessly in lurve...
He was such a lovely man...really couldn't equate him with directing troops and ordering bombs to be dropped...he asked how was the Major and I said well enough, bearing in mind he'd eaten a whole packet of peanuts intended for the bird feeders and clearly marked 'Not For Human Consumption'...
Then there was a slow and sedate procession of shiny cars disgorging VIP's and the Major laughed his hearty laugh and his wife hissed at me and said I hope he's introducing you and I said he was indeed, but did I need to use their ranks and she said of course not...
They wandered about the lawns and stroked the horses noses while drinking Gin and tonic from the crystal glasses and I tried to remember which one was Chris and which was Mike and the dogs had a horrible scrap and the Major kept laughing and slapping people on the back and his wife said he'd drunk too much and tried to get him to eat smoked salmon...
After that strange and quite surreal day I became the person who answered the 'phone and arranged floral displays...who reminded the Galloping Major he was due to travel to London tomorrow...I went with his wife to meet the children at the station on their return home from boarding school and spent long, late summer afternoons picking Sloes with Cousin Diana...
There was Granny and Grandpa too...but I'll tell of them another time.
x
The tablecloth
Ask the pharmacy 
Is it still raining?
Grandfathers don't always get it right!
