You know that new button to click on to see if there's anyone living near you? I tried that and according to the Health Forum I have ten people living within a kilometre...I laughed.
Himself said it's the same with those pretty Thai girls looking for husbands...they're always living close by...are they indeed I said...must be like the drop dead handsome Irish single men then...they're looking for partners as well...that shut him up.
Paddy's Day tomorrow...the entire country will grind to a halt and everyone will be as drunk as lords...old men wearing shrivelled bunches of Shamrock in their lapels and the town parade will consist of the fire-engine...the Guardia car and half a dozen pathetic floats...might be a couple of vintage tractors, if it doesn't rain...there'll be small girls doing the Irish dancing...all out of step and legs mottled blue with the cold and the 'pubs will slam their doors closed while stout landladies peer out of the windows from behind the lace curtains...
The doddery old Bishop will limp down the main street smiling at people he can't remember and doesn't know, while his minions keep a close eye in case he falls over and makes an eejit of himself.
There might be a few early tourists looking bewildered, trying hard to have fun before they admit defeat and slip quietly into Durkins to have a good lunch of corned beef and cabbage, with a mound of buttery mashed potato and a glass of the black stuff.
The local supermarket will try to sell off cheap the bunches of shrivelled Shamrocks and the silly hats with slogans pasted on... Kiss Me I'm Irish...the Shamrock will be in the bins out the back before nightfall and the daft hats put away, to come out again next year.
The cells in the Guardia Barracks will be stuffed full of vomiting drunken folk waiting on the Magistrates the next day and the street cleaners will lean on their brooms and sigh heavily before they sweep up the dog ends and the discarded cans and sweetie papers...
The Travellers will pick fights and end up in the Accident and Emergency room with broken noses and arms and they'll pinch the nurses bottoms and flirt and roll their sleeves up to show off their muscles while a security man stands in the corner and prays they don't kick off while he's on duty.
Everyone will swear they had a brilliant day...'that was gas' they'll say to anyone who'll listen...
And St Patrick wasn't even Irish.
you'll not be off then down to party with the merry men Vashti ? How will you celebrate I wonder... 
x
A Long One For The Ladies !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Needs Must...
