The docs have done tests that tell them more and it took a short stopover in hospital that freaked me out my daily routine that kept me together gone in a heartbeat. It was terrifying the way jumping in a icy pool is when fear tells you that there will be no way out.
Came out into a better day when they told me the only drugs were citalopram when my nightmare was heavy sedation as living passed me by. Family tell me that they see me lifting slowly but not feeling safe or in control any time soon. The next stage of relaxation therapy / aromatherapy with some talking the docs tell me will put me further than I have felt away from the darkness that was swallowing me.