How do court recorders keep straight faces ???????????????

[KingoftheCocktails]

....How do court recorders keep straight faces?????????????

ATTORNEY :What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS: He said ''Where am I Cathy?''

ATTORNEY And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan!

********************************************************************************

A.............. Are you sexually active?

W............. No,I just lie there.

********************************************************************************

A.............. How old is your son,the one living with you?

W............. Thirty-eight or thirty- five.I can't remember which.

A.............. And how long has he lived with you?

W............. Forty-five years.

********************************************************************************

A...............This myasthena gravis,does it affect your memory at all?

W..............Yes.

A.............. And in what way does it affect your memory?

W............. I forget.

A.............. You forget?Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

********************************************************************************

A...............Now doctor,isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,

he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

W.............. Did you actually pass the bar exam?

********************************************************************************

A.............. The youngest son,the twenty year old,how old is he?

W..............He's twenty,much like your IQ.

********************************************************************************

A ..............Were you present when your picture was taken?

W..............Are you taking the micky?

*******************************************************************************

A...............So the date of conception(of the baby) was August 8th ?

W..............Yes

A................And what were you doing at that time?

W..............Getting laid.

******************************************************************************

A...............She had three childre,right?

W..............Yes

A...............How many were boys?

W..............None

A...............Were there any girls?

W..............Your honour,I think I need a different attorney.Can I get a new attorney?

******************************************************************************

A...............How was your first marriage terminated?

W..............By death

A...............And by whose death was it terminated?

W..............Take a guess

******************************************************************************

A...............Can you describe the individual?

W..............He was about medium height and had a beard

A...............Was this a male or female?

W..............Unless the circus was in town I'm going with male

******************************************************************************

A...............Is your appearnce here this morning pursuant to the

deposition notice I sent to your attorney?

W..............No,this is how i dress when I go to work

******************************************************************************

A...............Doctor ,how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people

W..............All of them.The live ones put up too much of a fight.

******************************************************************************

A...............ALL your responses MUST be oral OK?. What school did you go to?

W..............Oral.

******************************************************************************

A...............Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

W..............The autopsy started around 8.30pm

A...............And Mr ............was dead at the time?

W..............If not,he was by the time I had finished.

******************************************************************************

A...............Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

W..............Are you qualified to ask that question?

******************************************************************************

and last

ATTORNEY Doctor ,before you performed the autopsy ,did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS No

A........... .Did you check for blood pressure?

W........... .No

A............ .Did you check for breathing?

W........... .No

A............. So,then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

W.............No

A..............How can you be so sure Doctor?

W.............Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

A..............I see,but could the patient have still beem alive,nevertheless?

W.............Yes it is possible he could have been alive and practicing law.

******************************************

Richard

BREATHE EASY=FRIENDSHIP

Go and witness what happens at Breathe Easy,you'll enjoy it.

Information on joining is available on 03000 030 555 Mon -Fri 10am 6pm