I have decided we should have our own little words of wisdom book. The words of wisdom should be original if possible or maybe adapted to give it the right slant if you see what I mean.
To kick if it off for, scooter, wheelchair, oxygen trolley users.
""so many ankles so little time""
Bex
..If I wasn't so modest I would delcare my genius!
Twizzle
It'll all be alright in the end. And if its not alright then its not the end!
xxx
The next best thing to being a Genius is ... being able to quote someone who is.
You can quote ME on that if you wish !!! Ha ha ha !
Susy
A quote from a true genius, my grandfather:
""There is only one way to keep going, and that's to keep going!""
Twizzle
PS It worked well for him but only to 94 years of age, unfortunately...
Sanity is all in the mind of the beholder.
That one just came to me. I blame EmH!
Bex
Dust mite. But won't if I have my way!
Twizzle
What are you implying about my sanity levels, or otherwise, Bex?
I'll have you know I'm as sane as the next person.
*realises that Bex is the next person...*
Emily you can not get away from the fact that you and I were communicating when the phrase just popped into my head 
Bex
Perhaps we should have a Sanity Clause in the rules!
Twizzle
PS (You can't fool me...there ain't no Sanity Clause...!)
Twizzle, I fear a sanity clause would make far too much work for us beleaguered mods... and would probably result in the banning of at least two of them!
Em
EmilyH only 2 of them...
Bex
running for cover
Also it would be hard to define because
Sanity is a relative concept.
Ginny
*who doesn't feel very sane after spending an afternoon trying to fix a leaking pipe in her kitchen* - Bex, can you help as you're good at DIY?
Ginny, you are in luck I have words of wisdom for such emergencies: When pipe dripeth put bowl below drip to catch droplets or call a plumber.
Bex
I am now trying to work out which of the other three mods EmH is referring to...
Perhaps some self diagnosis might help.
The thing about sanity, is never to worry when you don't know whether you are coming or going. Start worrying when you are going and pass yourself coming in the other direction!
Twizzle
Oh, I am certain of my own rampant insanity, it has been my comfortable companion these then years or so. Oh, sorry, no, that's PeakSteve...;-D
Cath, m'dear, EmH only mentioned 2. Now I know 2 personally and I know they are both totally barking bless them And have enough PM evidence on 2 more to deffo send the men in white coats out for the happy jacket with rear zip fastening
As I said sanity is all in the eye of beholder.
I have feeling those words of wisdom could catch on...
Bex
The eye of beholder can cause a feeling of insanity, especially when you have lost something right under your nose.
But I believe I was born with a psychic gift to make things disappear and am now really mastering the talent. Even today I spent some very long ponderous moments simply amazed at the apparent invisibility of certain phyisical objetcs when I was not doing some DIY!
Twizzle
Sanity Clause-thats who brings my Christmas pressies!
Thanks Bex. Leak is fixed, but if it starts again I'll call a plumber!
Moderation in all things
This is a very good maxim and also a useful formula to make the most use of your plate in Pic 'n Mix self service restaurants!
Twizzle
Have you notice that ONE becomes a much better listener... when suffering from tonsillitis ?
(or is that just ME?)
Susy
Speaking to yourself is said to be the first sign of madness. But it takes a certain level of maturity to be a good listener!
Twizzle
PS Sinusitis also helps!
As a moderator, may I state that I'm definitely *not* insane.
I can't be - I'm a duck.
Ha Steve, I knew you were quite quackers
Bex
beware of doors, they tend to fight back
:D
why is it that some things taste better out of the carton? is it the fact you werent supposed to drink it that way
Wendy,
Perhaps you should beware cons too, or being conned!
(just read that your other post)
Twizzle
bec
you could add gripper what size um lets just guess whats one more stab of pain or roada forgot to ask how cream was and of coursre just to confuse me liquid o2
Ummm... moderator who post after 3am talk much rubbish?
perhaps twizzle, lol
the difference is, you can kick, punch even shout at a door, but as tempting as it is, you cant to a con
I am going to grow old disgracefully and am need lots of practice starting from NOW!""
Bex
never be afraid to aim for the top, the worst thing you can do is hit your head on the ceiling
never let anyone drag you down, instead, drag them up
Dear God please help me to be PURE and GOOD ...
But NOT YET ... as I am having too much fun !!!
Susy
I do like this thread
..and also some of the needles!
Twizzle
Dear lord, If you can't make me skinny, Please make my friends look fat.
If at first you dont succeed,give up!
Giving up sucking seed is wise advice!
Twizzle
That which does not kill me, makes me smarter... except for oxygen deprivation
Tunes help you breathe more easily; so buy a xylophone!
Twizzle
Fact: there is nothing easy breathing about easi-breathe fume free paint!
Bex
Lord, please give me patience but hurry!
Performing artists suffer for their art, whatever the act.
Some then visit this suffering upon would-be patrons!
But thank God if their act is really bad because then the suffering turns to tearful laughter!
Moral. If you would be an artist be the best or be the worst.
Because if you are the worst at least you can be a comedic performer!
Twizzle
One more then I will have a rest.
Never fear a brummy surgery receptionist.
Because 'The doctor will see you to die'
only means 'The doctor will see you today'
!
Twizzle
LOL Twizzle!
(DOI - work in Dudley. Accent similar, but not the same as, Brummy).
One that I came across recently:
""Any philosophy that can be put in a nutshell belongs there""
I forget who said that one. No doubt someone with far more brains and intelligence than me. Also:
""Given enough coffee, I could rule the world"".
I trial this one each day, but I'm no further forwards than being lady and mistress of my own home. Though my husband may dispute that.
Perhaps that's where Tony Blair went wrong!
He was always drinking tea. Only in Europe would he switch to coffee because they just can't make a cup of tea there..
Too little too late!
Twizzle
I believe that..... A word to the wise is not necessary - .....It's the stupid ones that need the advice !
Susy
A word to the wise is worth two to the thick!
Twizzle
PS Tried to make a play on 'A bird in hand...
Death is just like sleeping except when you try to find your slippers in the morning!!
Warning. You could be potentially sensitive.
Avoid pinching yourself to make sure that something good happening is not just a dream…
You may wake up shouting, “Ouch!â€
!
Twizzle
Why stay calm when you can get hysterical?
Minds are like parachutes - they only function when they're open.
Laughter is the best medicine for the soul, so laugh hysterically at nothing three times a day!
Twizzle
I always try to live within my income, even if I have to borrow money to do so.
Susy
Another quote from my grandfather:
Always look after No.1.
Because if you don’t look after No.1 you can’t look after No.2!
Twizzle
Mornin' everyone,
eeh that has cheered my up no end!
Was just about to jump out the office window but won't now.
So all your little words of wisdom have saved a life!
May I add mine?
If at first you don't succeed, give up there is plenty more to do & you will only get a headache.
Good Good Ann
We are here to help, or in your case to hinder!
Twizzle
Having money is always better than being poor, if only .... for financial reasons !
Susy
Sir Michael Caine once said something along these lines:
""I've been poor and I am now rich, and I can honesty say that being rich is better!""
He later said
""I had been poor for so long that when I eventually did have money I had no idea how to enjoy it!""
There is a moral in there somewhere!
-not alot of people know that....
Twizzle
Never mind the mayhem at the checkout till as you arrive with as many baskets as possible for your eggs.
Just be calm and explain that your financial advisor said not to put all your eggs into one basket!
Twizzle
All sensible people should get at least 8 hours of sleep per day-and a similar number at night!!
..and if that’s not possible the main thing is to avoid getting up before going to bed!
Twizzle
To appear calm in time of crisis hide in a cupboard.
Cupboards are always calm!
Twizzle
There are many misconceptions in alternative medicine, not least of which is the misconception that half of it works!
Twizzle
Twizzle you obviously havent seen my cupboards - they certainly are not calm
Thanks Cathy.
Regretfully the advice to hide in a cupboard to appear calm in time of crisis is yet another misconception.
Some cupboards are clearly busier on the inside than the outside!
Twizzle
If at first you dont succeed, sky diving is definately not for you.
With 'tomb stoning' you only have to not succeed once to find out why it is called what it is.
It says what it does on the tin...
Twizzle
Don’t get mad get even. Then act odd for good measure.
!
Twizzle
It is only when I am trying to get everything straight in my head that ... I tend to get more than a bit confused !
Susy
Benny Hill once remarked that despite his riches he could still only wear one pair of trousers at a time!
Twizzle
If you can keep your head about you when all those around you are losing theirs,
it's just possible you haven't grasped just how serious the situation really is!
Susy
Singing lesson
Tip: To sing like the aging rocker use an oxygen cylinder beforehand.
Better still sing ‘Do you think I’m sexy?’ hear “Yes!†and stop right there.
!
Twizzle
If your voice is impaired try singing Over the hills and far away.
!
Twizzle
PS It works for me
Don't you find it extremely interesting that the same people who laugh and roll their eyes at science fiction...
Are usually the same ones that listen and believe the weather forecast, economists and politicians ? !
Susy
Some people are laughing at the idea of being teleported as demonstrated on Star Trek and Dr Who, as science now thinks it's worked out how to do this.
But they won’t be laughing if there is a power cut just when they’ve been half teleported!
Twizzle
It is to be regretted that there comes a time in the affairs of woman (and for that matter man) when the only cost-free item left to improve beauty, image & appearance is ‘the estimate’.
!
Twizzle
I don't want any yes-men around me.... I want everybody to tell me the total truth all the time... even if it costs them their lives !
Susy
You are as young or as old as the person you feel...
But first make sure you're allowed.
!
Twizzle
Do people say that you are off your trolley? Well, have no fear! I too own a trolley and have never once been on it!
Twizzle
Political correctness never went mad. Correct politians did.
Twizzle
At school we got an ‘X’ when our sums are wrong but still got marks for trying. At election time we put an ‘X’ against the wrong candidate and they go and win.
Is it about time someone said ""Y""?
!
Twizzle
You can always rely on me to be unreliable!
Twizzle
When Gary Glitter sings ""Do you want to be in my gang?""-for Gods sake,say NO!
George Bush used the Gary Glitter song 'I'm the leader' on part of his campaign trail, saying ""I thought it was a nice little ditty"".
It's a pity that some of his advisors thought better, and changed the anthem.
But for one glorious moment sad Paul Gadd came close to unwittingly thwarting the election of perhaps the greatest gunslinger ever to have come out of the Wild West!
Twizzle
If the good Lord had wanted us to enjoy ourselves,he wouldnt have granted us his precious gift of relentless misery!
..and indeed there is nothing like a good moan.
I am one of the happy people, and we at the Happy Foundation are always happiest when moaning!
Twizzle
If you can’t remember a joke, it is likely you are wise
Twizzle
You too can be an eccentric extravert.
Instructions:
1. Flip your lid
2. Think out of your box
3. Flip your lid a bit more
4. Now get right out of your box
To get back to normal just reverse the process.
!
Twizzle
If or when feeling ""Chaotically calmed"" as I am... Join the line and smile
and you are less likely to be taken away if you are one in a crowd !
this wisdom also applies if trying to hide !
Susy
The saying, 'If you can't say something amusing then say nothing at all' should never be spoken.
!
Twizzle
My nan who was an ""old fashioned"" Catholic always used to say that you should go to Hell A**eways-""then the sparks wont blind you""!!!
-yes,the sparks.
Beware the light at the end of the tunnel, lest it's the sun and the rays blind you.
Twizzle
This seems true after a certain age: If you want energy do stuff, because if you rest you will get tired!
Twizzle
It's only with one's back to the wall that one can go forward....... to the next wall.
Alan
If you keep on the move your illnesses may get tired of chasing you!
Twizzle
Can’t sleep? Try staying awake all night and see how hard it is!
Twizzle
PS Note the time of this post...
Mean like this Twizzle? Welcome to my sleeping hours.
Never put off today what cant be put off tomorrow!
words of wisdom
lord if u cant make me skinny,please make my friends fat.......please.
Oh Lisa, with a friend like you who needs an enemy!Twizzle
Oh Lisa, with a 'skinny' friend like you who needs an enemy!Twizzle
Creeping alongside alternative medicine is the nutrition & health industry packed with multi-level organisations targeting the ailing consumer.
But since when did we also need ailing business plan?!
Twizzle
Here’s a simple way to get rich:
Get just one pound behind Simon Cowell!
Twizzle
It's not just the cost of living that's going up, it's also the cost of dying (with funeral costs soaring). Best put it off...
!
Twizzle
I wonder if it would be just as popular if everyone knew that .....
The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge £20 an hour, we can't call it... Jumping up and down!
Susy
Best not encourage your children to enter the funeral service.
With people living ever longer these days it is feared that the undertaking profession may become a dying trade..
!
Twizzle
In theory there is no difference between theory and practice, however
In practice there is !
Susy
favourite saying
if you cant be good,
dont get caught.
Everything is relative-as my uncle was always saying.
Let your hopes, not your hurts,shape your future.
Life is like a box of chocolates u never no wot ur gonna get.
bull...t!
same spit diffrent day is more like it!
a very wise person once said ... God couldn't b everywhere so he made grandma's!
This quote touched me n i bought my grandma the fridge magnet wit it on. She kept it all this time it meant a lot 2 me that she kept such a small token of my love and affection, she died early this yr but my grandad still has that small token on his fridge where my dear grandma left it. So there u are i think an adaption mayb god couldnt b everywhere so he made grandparents! Xx
a very wise person once said ... God couldn't b everywhere so he made grandma's!
This quote touched me n i bought my grandma the fridge magnet wit it on. She kept it all this time it meant a lot 2 me that she kept such a small token of my love and affection, she died early this yr but my grandad still has that small token on his fridge where my dear grandma left it. So there u are i think an adaption mayb god couldnt b everywhere so he made grandparents! Xx
ive got a fridge magnet that i bought myself
Fridge pickers,wear bigger knickers!
Never grieve a Gully Cat!
anyone know the origin of that??
Another Shielding Update from AUK
AUK down?
