North Pole News

Santa has been admitted to a psychiatric ward tonight.......he is suffering from low elf esteem !!

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Santa on Trial

You are accused, Mr. Santa Claus, alias Saint Nick,

alias Kris Kringle, age unknown, of no fixed abode,

with the following charges:

Failing to apply for landed immigrant status from

Finland to the North Pole;

Crossing the Canadian-USA border illegally on

December 25 of each year as far back as records go;

Failing to operate a union toy shop, and not paying

your elves and dwarfs the minimum wage, provide

paid vacations and wages at time and a half for

more than 40 hour work weeks, or meeting the

standards of the Worker's Compensation Boards

Failing to transmit unemployment insurance payments,

income tax deductions and Canada Pension payments

to the proper authorities on behalf of your employees;

You are accused of the illegal entry of millions of

Canadian and American homes on December 25 of

each year;

Violating the Federal Anti-Combines Investigation

Act by operating a tight monopoly;

Failing to file a flight plan for your travels;

Failing to equip your vehicle with seat belts or

properly fitting your reindeer with emission control

devises;

Not declaring as taxable income the cookies and

milk left for you by millions each year;

Illegally competing with the Canadian Post Office

and USPS, and possible breaking drug laws by

administering an unauthorized drug to Rudolph

to make his nose light up;

And finally, parking in a no parking zone, namely

rooftops, and having no record of either a driver's

or pilot's licence ever being issued to a Mister

Claus in any of the ten provinces and two territories

or 50 US States.

Faced with all these accusations and understanding

their severity, have you any statement to make

before I . . .

wish you a . . Merry Christmas, a Happy New Year

and dismiss these charges?

(only in America ? )