Sorry I’m always posting haha. Even over three years later I still have questions about pp and my experience.
When I was ill and a couple other times when unwell I have felt there was another person inside of me. She told me her name and told me to do awful awful things. I didn’t do them. I could feel she was happy that I woke her up the second time I felt her and she said “thank you Isabella” soooo creepy. The thing is horrible. She would talk to me inside my head a lotttt and I would hear her outside my head like a real person, shouting at me. I assumed this was psychosis, but my psychiatrists are going to look into dissociative disorders, as I dissociate fairly often. They think I have a lot of trauma and suppressed memories that need to come out. Anyway, when researching this it came up with DID. My grandma had this disorder, formally known multiple personality disorder. I don’t have this ‘other person’ often, it’s only been a few times, occasionally over the last three years. So maybe I don’t classify as DID fully. Dissociation is the most common occurrence for me out of the experiences with whatever disorder I eventually get diagnosed with. Only got a diagnosis list longer than my arm 🤪 has anyone else experienced this during unwell periods? Xx
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hey Isabella, yes I’m really struggling with this right now and I can agree that it can be very scary. Previously I have always had visual or auditory hallucinations outside my head. For me it is around 10-12 relatives I know who have passed.
Usually in the past it was always just the one person but while I’ve been poorly this last couple weeks there’s a tonne of them. Like you they have said it is to do with dissociation and to do with cPTSD.
Unlike you though luckily for the most part my err visitors are kind and supportive, sitting with me when I’m afraid, holding my hand. Although the last couple days when I’ve tried to ignore them they’ve been getting more angry with me. They want me with them you see. I also have people I don’t know telling me to do horrible things or just plain weird things, repeating nonsense words at me!
Like you I also had a grandma and mother etc who had serious mental health issues. Anyways…I’m a rambler at the best of times and especially at the moment when I’m off my face of the meds so I’ll leave it there but I just wanted to say hi and that we seem to be having similar stuff going on so let’s know neither of us are alone in this.xx Sammy
It's interesting we are having similar experiences and it's good to know I'm not alone.. Although I'm sorry they're becoming angry.. that can't be pleasant at all. I have read it is advised to work with the voices, I read an interesting article that explained that they are trying to protect you. Even if they come across angry and scary. there's different alters trying to protect the same host body, if it's to talk to a family member the voice may be horrible and try and stop you and tell you to do awful things, but that might come from childhood trauma where adults weren't protecting you, so it's an odd protective mechanism. I have found some helpful people talking about DID on instagram. There's so much out there that helps us and makes us feel less alone. When researching last night I found something called PDID and this fits with me a lot more than full on DID but the main host is usually me. It's only when very unwell I feel this other one.
I'm so sorry you're strugging at the moment. It's interesting you can feel kindness from these past family member experiences, that's really sweet, but I know how scary it can be when they aren't always kind. Please do message me whenever you like, it's good to have each other here xxxx
I'm so sorry to hear that this feeling of another person or voice has been such an unpleasant and distressing experience at times. I'm really glad that SammySeal has replied to assure you that you are not alone, and I also wanted to be here to let you know that - bit by bit - I'm carefully and gently unpacking the trauma and maternal mental illness at least 2 generations above in my family to reshape my understanding of my PP experience.
I think as a charity we've continued to learn as we've supported many different people over the last 10 years that, although the small amount of academic research studies on PP did not show a clear link with adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) or trauma, some of us who have experienced PP / ongoing mental health difficulties can look back at our lives and identify ACEs or trauma sustained in our adolescent/adult years. It would be good to hear whether you feel like the information we present about PP on our website needs to acknowledge this more clearly?
The research into bipolar disorder suggests a substantial link between ACEs and genetics (family history of mental illness) and risk of developing bipolar disorder. So to me it makes sense that there will be some of us where the causes of PP were not solely biological (hormonal changes and genetics); but are likely to include psychological factors (past or current trauma) and social factors (what support structures we have, stigma we experience, our relationships, our stressors, housing, poverty, race, gender identify and faith background). The biopsychosocial model of mental health has been very important to me in my own recovery and making sense of my experiences 18 and 12 years on.
When I was working in peer support in the NHS, I learned about a compassionate mind / open dialogue approach to difficult voices and dissociation. This animated video gives a bit of an introduction to this approach - the beginning of the video can be upsetting if you're actively experiencing unpleasant voices at the moment as it shows the character's own voices and how scared they make him feel. If you scroll forward to 1:50 this shows the character learning about the compassionate mind approach in working with unkind or distressing voices.
I know the process of looking into deeper trauma can be very tiring and unsettling - be as gentle and kind with yourself as you can. Dial back when you need to - I find doing something fairly bland like watching a comforting TV show, having a cup of tea or going for a walk where I note down what I see can be good grounding and centring things.
Grateful to both you and SammySeal for your openness which I know will help many others who read this thread.
Interesting to read. For me, my mental health is definitely a lot down to childhood trauma, also genetics my grandma had DID, my mum and sister both medicated for other conditions. Plus extremely sensitive to hormone shifts. I know we’re all different and some mums have no previous mental health conditions, but for me it’s my whole life xx
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