I have had a rough ride. PP three days after giving birth to my daughter in 2016. Did all the right things when me and my husband wanted another baby: preconception meetings with the perinatal team. Then locked into the perinatal mental health team when I was pregnant in 2021. Managed to have my baby and stay well when my beautiful girl was born in 2022.
Then in July 2022 I was hospitalised due to extreme vomiting/sickness and resulting dehydration from Covid and mastitis. When I was discharged 4 days later I began to have manic symptoms which developed into psychosis and was admitted into a psychiatric ward.
That was 6 months ago and I am still taking olanzapine. I feel totally flattened. Sometimes I find it hard to make conversation (normally I am very chatty). I feel a bit of a burden on my husband as he has to compensate for my lack of energy. I’m not sure if this flatness is a result of being on heavy meds or if my brain is just recovering from being shaken up like a snow globe. Just wanted to ask others here what was your trajectory for getting back to you own normal.
Since this latest episode I have been given the diagnosis of bipolar disorder. I personally dont think it fits me as I normally go about life pretty stable and not needing any medication. What are other peoples experience?
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GorillaMumma
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yes I recognised your name and I am so sorry that you have been through so much. Of course we were all so happy that you kept well after the birth of your second baby.
I hope I can help you a bit with my view point based on my lived experiences. I guess there maybe some similarities with regards to stress levels, despite different circumstances.
I believe one of the huge stress factors was the hospitalisation of yours due to Covid and Mastitis. You must have been so extremely poorly. Always , when I return to a NHS environment I become extremely nervous, hence why I am so pretty bad in arranging appointments with health professionals or going into those environments. I get Flash Backs due to sensory processing, which is part of my Bipolar. My partner always steps in when I have to go to appointments.
In my opinion it is fine to question a diagnosis, if you are not sure. In my case I carried on to struggle with my mental health, despite direct contact with my care coordinator till 2018 until I was desperate to get a second opinion, because of Insomnia and Fear and Anxiety often resulting into Panic Attacks. I have had several misdiagnoses first by the head of the psychiatric hospital when suffering with PPP in 2010 and then, via my GP who said that I have agora and social phobia. In that case maybe not too far fetched as it is part of having BP and the spectrum is extremely diverse depending on your template and life style.
For some individuals it takes years to be diagnosed with Bipolar (average 10 yrs) as it was in my case. In fact I believe I had it since my hormones kicked in as a teenager. Even so you are doubtful, it maybe worthwhile to research the subject matter via Bipolar.uk. Even though I was diagnosed with BP1, because of PPP, Professor Ian Jones from Cardiff University said that my spectrum fits more BP2 (after second consultation within 6 months)
Now it makes sense that in stressful situations I became Psychotic, extremely anxcious and often paranoid between 2011 and 2016 as I suffered with Grief due to the sudden loss of my dad and mum in law. I could hear and smell things that did not exist. After my dads passing I heard bell ringing for nearly one year. Even though I was cured from PPP, I have been far more vulnerable to become unstable with my mental health, my sensory processing is affected in particular. (I often live with ear plugs
I have been more at peace since my diagnosis. Of course one has to be in acceptance in order to move forward. I found the Bipolar Course via Cardiff University (Online) extremely useful. There is a lot for you to digest. In order to feel in tune you may want to communicate with other health experts and people who live with and manage BP. There are quite a few mums, who have had the disposition and being diagnosed with BP after PPP.
It is such a personal choice in how to manage BP. Every person is different and some people are fine for many months, even years until an episode...there are different type of cycles with BP, mine is rapid, that means I cycle from high to low within a month.
Wishing you well and hope you can find some further help for clarification and of course a way forward, which suits your needs and life style. I am sure there are other mums, who will offer their experiences.
Welcome back to the forum! It’s lovely to hear you went on to have another daughter- congratulations!!
How awful to have been hospitalised with mastitis and covid. Having a baby during the pandemic is superhuman and I’m really sorry you were so poorly. No wonder your stress levels rose and mental health suffered, even after taking all the precautions and as you say doing everything right.
Psychosis is such a strange beast of an illness. I’m not a doctor but my lay person’s understanding of it is that our brains can take a grain of truth (a part of our reality that is traumatic, frightening or just darn stressful) and play havoc with it. It must have been really scary to have been separated from your daughters and ill in hospital so I can imagine that might have been a root of the psychosis. But whatever the root causes the recovery process is much the same - and oh my goodness it can take a lot of time and patience.
There’s some lovely words of advice and experience from Pikorua already but I’ll add a bit of my own too, in case it helps. I was diagnosed bipolar after recovering from PP, ten years ago now. At times I wasn’t so sure it fitted, as like you much of the time I am quite stable. However I recognise quite a few of the symptoms, and this was hammered home to me a year ago when I had another (thankfully v short) manic/ psychotic episode. That was brought on by a lot of stress (I believe) and so one thing I’m really mindful of now is to reduce stress levels as much as I can. I’m also accepting now of the need to take daily medication. I wasn’t so sure before.
That said, the diagnosis doesn’t really change anything - it’s just words. If it helps, and you identify with it, then great - but if it doesn’t help and you don’t recognise it in yourself, then try not to worry - it will fall further and further down your medical notes as time progresses and you really shouldn’t have to mention it to anyone unless you want to.
Bipolar UK have got some great resources, and in particular some recent webinars around women’s hormones and mood. Worth checking out! bipolaruk.org/blog/women-an...
As I mentioned on another post recently - do try not to feel guilty. You have been through such a lot over the years and you are doing your very best! So what if you’re not always the chatty person of the past - maybe you’re conserving your energies for your recovery, and for your nearest and dearest. You will get back to feeling more “you” though, you really will. In the meantime please be super kind to yourself - give yourself permission to rest!! This sweet video from the school of life gives a bit of encouragement there: youtu.be/-kfUE41-JFw
So sorry to hear you’ve been through such a tough time.
I have had psychosis twice and I spent 3 months in an MBU the second time.
I found that although the anti psychotic medication successfully cured my mania, I felt that I lost all my personality and confidence. I had no conversation.
I made a full recovery and really live life to the full now, but I think it took a good 7 - 12 months after discharge from the MBU. I had to re-train myself to make conversation and ask open questions etc.
I was diagnosed as bipolar 1 after postpartum pychosis because I had mania for over 7 days.
With full medical advice, I probably stopped medication when my daughter was 7 -10 months. She is 20 years old now and I have luckily stayed stable with no relapses.
Good luck, you will definitely get your full personality back, but you will need patience and to work at it. Some people need medication and some do not. Staying well is the main thing 💛
I too am really struggling with conversation and am just not myself at all. It’s really hard to deal with isn’t it as u reflect on who u know u r and wonder if you’ll ever get back to that person. I just feel extremely disconnected and like I’ve lost my personality and moral compass. It’s all a bit odd but after reading the comments on other posts it sounds like how u r feeling is very normal as ur not quite urself yet and u will get there. I think it is just quite a long journey so it’s important to be kind to ourselves xx
Hi, sorry you are having a bad time again. There was 2 years between my pregnancies and I had the exact problem with both. It took me about 3 months to get out of the psychosis period. I was also prescribed olanzapine. It made me very sluggish, but aloud me to sleep. It definitely slows your brain down. I led a normal life for 25 years coming off medication, then I hit the menopause and it started again and I was put back on olanzapine. Last year I asked my doctor to take me off them and put me on hrt. So far so good. Just be patient with yourself and let your body and mind heal itself . Good luck. X
Hi LongeDD and welcome to the APP community. I'm Naomi and I work in campaigns and peer support for APP after having postpartum psychosis when both of my daughters were born - they're now 17 and 12.
Are you struggling yourself with feeling flat while taking Olanzapine? I'm glad you've asked other mums here to share their experiences with antipsychotic medication. For me personally, I certainly did feel very tired during the first 6 months after PP and whilst I was on Olanzapine. It's sadly very common to have depression after postpartum psychosis, and I found it quite hard to tell how much of my emotional flatness was due to this period of depression, and how much the antipsychotic may have been adding to the fatigue.
I think it's so difficult to comment on the 'right' dose or type of antipsychotic from our own personal experience - as for each person it's so individual how we react to medication and what side-effects we experience.
However, if you are struggling with any side-effects including feeling like your emotions are numbed, it's absolutely OK to talk to your health professionals and ask for a medication review. For some people, gradually reducing the dose of an antipsychotic helps to lift mood, and for others it can help to add an antidepressant. It can often be a process of trial and error with medication - and also of giving yourself time to recover emotionally from the experience of PP itself.
There are lots of tips from other parents about recovery, emotions and regaining confidence in our Recovery Guide here app-network.org/wp-content/...
We're here to chat any time, please feel free to start a new thread if you'd like to introduce yourself or just ask a question.
I could have written this. I thought it was mostly the lithium causing the flatness but it's probably also the olanzapine. I too was diagnosed with bipolar during my psychosis. I know how you feel about feeling flattened and not being able to interact or make conversation.... I have just had to be really patient with myself and radically accept that this is where I'm at and that it won't be like this forever. And just be really gentle and loving toward me. It's so hard not to compare myself right now to where I was before and to reconcile the huge personality changes that have taken place. And I agree that it is probably more than the medication, that the brain has been traumatized and is trying to recover.
So good to ‘meet’ again 💜 I hope you have been comforted by the replies here as we are all sorry you have been through the mill lately. Bipolar is a daily challenge for other mothers of courage here, like yourself, so take care.
I think it takes time as we expect to pick up where we left off but it’s not so easy. For now, lean on all the support around you and be kind to yourself. <3
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