Im sorry to post again,but I feel so isolated. I've found the summer holidays and the last month (without medication)really hard and isolating.
I just feel like nobody around me understands. I think my husband is fed up of hearing how I feel and since I'm 18months postpartum just expects me to be better by now.
In many ways I'm much improved from when I was unwell but the transition from coming off medication, back to the old me seems like a big leap. I am massively depressed about my weight and sense of self worth and just keep wishing for my body to be back as it was (or something close to that).
My marriage has really suffered and I worry about it all the time.i feel like I can't make my husband happy anymore as I'm not the same bubbly person I once was.i just feel tired and exhausted all the time and my husband accuses of me not listening to him and diminishing his problems. I don't mean to not listen to him,but I guess I must do this as he keeps saying it.
We have talked about getting marriage counseling before,but half of me doesn't want to admit it's that bad,put our son in childcare on a Saturday morning to go to a place where I'll invariably cry for an hour.
please help and give me some hope that this isolation will end sometime.
Written by
Dolly292
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
Maybe you could go back to your GP and go back on some medication, perhaps you came off your medication too quickly.
Some women continue to take medication many years after their post partum psychosis.
I was diagnosed with bi polar after I had PP, but I have managed to keep myself well by making time for myself and doing some exercise etc. I started when my daughter was about 18 months old.
APP do offer help to partners too, this maybe of help to your husband.
I don't know where you are in the UK but APP run online and in person groups which may make you feel less isolated as it's for other women with experience of PP. There's groups like Homestart too. Look up the APP Facebook page.
I did eventually get my personality back but it took a long time for my confidence to truly return.
It does sound as if you and your husband would benefit from talking about everything with some professional guidance.
We had one session with relate when our marriage was on the rocks due to my pregnancy and it really helped us.
I am sure APP can give you support, there is free one to one support and groups.
I am sorry to read that you are feeling isolated and not understood. Summer holidays are very hard as our usual network of support is pulled from under us, it is difficult to find childcare, toddler groups, friends and family go on holiday and all the while keeping the wheels of everyday life turning.
Having pp is a huge toll on the whole family, every aspect of life gets severely affected. You are right to point out how important is our self image and how it suffers post partum and with taking anti-psychotic medication on top of it. These are things that are not talked about that much and they should.
Reaching out for help in our relationships is not a sign of weakness or flaw, it is a show of strength. Marriage counselling can give you tools to help the dialog between you and your husband and draw you both closer.
I felt guilty towards my family for a while after having pp, as if that had been a choice I made or a conscious decision. I used this phrase like a mantra for a while and that helped, "what happened to me was not mine or anyone's fault, there was nothing me or anyone else could have done to prevent it".
Do bear in mind that it will take some time but you will be back to being your old bubbly self once again. It does feel like a massive leap as you well say it, but everything is recoverable. Mums do go on to live full lives after pp in all aspects, as mothers, partners, friends, workers, etc.
Take really good care, know that you are not alone in this
You never need to apologise for posting, we’re all here to listen and I think it’s great you’re reaching out here.
I’m so sorry you’re feeling so isolated and low. The stage of recovery you’re in can be so hard and feel such a slow process, and it’s frustrating when you just want to be back to where you were, but step by step you’ll get there. Try to recognize all the small things I know you’ll be achieving each day even if it doesn’t feel like it, and be really kind to yourself.
It’s good to keep a track of your mood and speak to your GP as suggested if it’s possible some medication is still needed. Weight gain as a result of medication always seems so very unfair on top of everything else – I’m sure a lot of people will relate to this and you might also find some previous posts that are helpful on this topic. I don’t know if you’re able to get out and about much – I find walking really helpful both to lift my mood and also as a gentle form of exercise.
And I’m sorry you’re worrying about your marriage, PP can have such an impact on so many aspects of life. As mentioned, there is support and information available for partners that may be helpful, and I’m sure others here will share their experiences – it’s good to keep talking and as EmiMum has said, it’s definitely not a sign of weakness to seek support.
I just wanted to share some links that you might already have but may contain some helpful information:
There is also a partners café group that runs every third Wednesday of the month at 8pm over Zoom – a really informal space to drop in and chat with other partners. There is a list of upcoming café groups on the APP peer support webpage including the partners group (and I don’t know if there is one in your region): app-network.org/peer-support/
• APP insider guide ‘Recovery from postpartum psychosis’: app-network.org/what-is-pp/... - this may be a helpful resource for conversations with your husband about how you’re feeling perhaps.
I have not been on the forum for a while, because summer holidays and routine are of a different kind. I usually spend a lot of time with my son, who is 12 now.
PPP is a very traumatising illness. We all have gone through the mill. However, you will get back your life spirit, it just requires patience, acceptance and kindness to yourself. It is like walking up a hill with quite a few challenges throughout.
Experiences will eventually change your outlook of life. Compassion and understanding, because of mental health issues makes you see things from a total different perspective. Your lived experience will give you immense tools in the long run, it is just tough whilst climbing up this hill and not seing the big view when on top.
I was sectioned and recovery was difficult, but I found myself again. Very different from my "previous life" as lecturer, but happy!
Our partners, husbands all have had a roller coaster ride and the long term effects can last for a long time. My partner swallowed all the pain, having to be strong and fighting to get me out of hospital where I suffered negligence and unreasonable treatment. He was my full time carer for 6 months full time and then part time and of course looking after our baby. PTS developed years later, because the lid was full after 9 years. Of course life events add up and you only can cope with so much.
Dolly I believe accessing professional support maybe of importance. Communication is sometimes not easy, when you both have gone through so much. Yes, talking to your GP in order to get advise and see what type of counselling maybe suitable whether marriage or individual...
My partner recognised his own needs and received counselling via occupational health. In my case I continued to work on developing my own therapeutic tools throughout my PPP recovery and since my Bipolar diagnosis in 2018.
I am not keen on socialising, but know it is not good to isolate, because it can diminish your well being. We are all very different. I believe it is important to figure out what you like to do.
I am never bored as I love my own sanctuary, home and garden. Like Jenny I walk a lot, I love painting, I tried yoga with a bunch of people, but realised that I get very anxious with larger groups and do not need that stress anymore. Over the years I did a lot of projects and online studies. Self help tools have been important such as art and finishing a professional course in art therapy, completing 2 Master Reiki course online...
Take good care, and get some positive vibes from all this fab ladies on here...
I had Pp last February. Recovery is a very slow and difficult process. I used to cling to the thought of getting back to my old self but stopped doing so recently. My psychiatrist explained that after PP I will have a new “baseline”. I believe going through this illness changed some aspects of my personality and made me grow in several ways; I don’t think I’ll ever completely be the same person again.
I take this in a positive light.
Pp is no joke. Hope your partner understands the severity of this illness and that it will take time for your to bring back your mental and emotional health.
However if you think you are going through periods of depression/anxiety that needs to be treated through medications and therapy.
Please give yourself time and try to do something each day that makes you happy.
I’m sorry to hear you were feeling isolated when you posted. It is an awful feeling and I hope now the summer has faded you might be able to connect with others for support, even just for a coffee and chat? There are APP regional cafe groups in some areas of the UK and you can find links at app-network.org/peer-support. There is also info for partners to connect with others too.
In the Related Posts next to your post on the forum page, there is “Desperate to feel normal again” which you might find reassuring to read with replies.
Also, I don’t know whether you have access to talking therapy for yourself. This might be an idea to work on self-compassion as you have been through so much?
PP was not your fault and in time you will find your place again. Until then, take really good care of yourself and keep reaching out for the support you need. We are here for you. 🌹
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
Advice please 
Resentful of husband and medical staff 
Choosing not to have more children
