My Post Partum Phychosis Story..don’t like to talk about it much…

[ParisPierre]

Hello everyone my name is Paris. I discovered I had PPP my self by some of the symptoms I looked up on the Internet. It started back in October. I started hallucinating and having vivid dreams and delusions about my family not being mine. This happened around the time our daughter turned six months. Before I get deep into it I had my daughter London, I didn’t get a chance to rest my fourth trimester because my husband‘s kids came down and stayed for two months and I was literally with four kids by myself not getting any sleep. Mind you I had just got married 5 days before she was born. I was literally running into places trying to get help and no one help. They kept saying I was depressed but I knew it was something more. My sister was telling me I was under demonic attack and that I didn’t need meds and I believed it. Telling me do do natural stuff. I had no idea what PPP was . I found a therapist. She’s ok… but my psychiatrist seems to just want to prescribe meds and not really care about us situation so I’m currently looking for someone new. I was on respiedone for 2 weeks and I decided to stop taking it my self. Because I felt like it wasn’t working.I was wrong..I think I made everything worse. Now I can’t sleep. Feels like I’m under mind control. Can’t sit still. Can’t seem to focus and always thinking I have to prove a point to something. I’m paranoid when I go out thinking someone is out to get me. My anxiety is to the roof because being in my house brings back so many memories. During my PPP at home It felt like something was trying to stop me from getting back to my self. When I would go near anything of mine this Darkness would come over me…it was weird. When I tried going to the gym one day and felt like a rush of energy stopped me from going out. I was hearing voices telling me “I’m here to take over” “you’re ugly” to the point I get anxiety when I look in the mirror. I even was scared to look at my own phone or go around family…I’m so traumatized I can’t even sleep.. when ever I wake up I can’t stop thinking about everything and it starts again. Probably because I’m not on meds. . I will be starting in a new meds today. I’m starting Ablifiy 5G… I’m nervous to take the meds..😔😔😔

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

Hi ParisPierre

I'm so glad you have found us and reached out here. My name is Ellie. I had postpartum psychosis in 2011 after the birth of my son. It sounds like you have been through so much, and struggled to get some specialist and consistent mental health support. I'm so sorry things are still difficult, with struggling to sleep and traumatised by everything you have been through. I know how scary the thoughts and experiences are.

I hope you can take the medication and you'll feel some positive affects from it. I know when I was unwell, I did need medication to help me be able to function and recover, it was definitely the first and essential step to getting better and be able to function, and then be able to engage with different things that helped me recover, such as therapy, peer support, exercise, etc. I hope you now have a psychiatrist you feel you can trust?

I know when I was poorly and in the middle of it I didn't feel I would get better, but you really will come through this and feel yourself again.

I notice from your profile that you are in the United States? I don't know if you've found the organisation Postpartum Support International? They offer a lot of support in the States:

postpartum.net/

I'm also not sure if you have been diagnosed with postpartum psychosis? They do have some specific support for women who have experienced PP:

postpartum.net/get-help/pos...

I really hope you can find the right professional support, and that you start to feel better, I know the road is up and down. Do know you can write here any time to connect with us, you aren't alone, many of us have been where you are now.

Take care,

Ellie

[ParisPierre in reply to Ellie_at_APP]

Thank you so much! how long did it take for you to recover?

[Ellie_at_APP Partner in reply to ParisPierre]

Hi ParisPierre it took me about 2 years to recover, though I was gradually getting better during that time. It is a hard question to answer though as everyone’s recovery journey is different and depends on so many different factors such as how soon they were diagnosed, the treatment they get, how long it took to get the right medication , the family and social support they have etc. The most important thing is you will get better, and reaching out to others who have had it, and getting information and support, definitely helps.

I really hope you’ll find the new medication helpful.

Ellie

[hgallo Volunteer]

Hi Paris, it sounds like you've got a lot going on at the moment. I had pp back in 2016 after the birth of my twin girls. It's a rough ride but Ellie is right, you will recover in time.

Medication, support and time in a mother and baby unit helped me. Do you feel able to talk to your husband about how you're feeling? Do you have any support in the community, from a nurse or health visitor? Please do reach out for support when you need it. I was a very poorly mum and now I'm doing much better, so it is possible. Take care and keep in touch x

[Varvarita]

Hey ParisPierre. Abilify is a great drug, don’t worry, it did no harm to me, only good stuff, just make sure you take this drug under a doctor’s supervision - they may add something like Akineton(Biperiden) as well to help with side effects and/or some mood stabiliser, depending on your condition. With These Drugs like Abilify you may feel exhausted with side effects which come the first days and weeks but eventually side effects will become milder and drugs will help, and then side effects will be gone as you finish.

Actually i loved Abilify so much, i felt crispy clear and super smart while on it, and unlike with many other drugs which may make you put extra weight, i was loosing weight on Abilify. The most annoying side effects were bad short term memory, excessive urination and early awakenings .

i wish that you recover soon. love.

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello ParisPierre

Congratulations on the birth of your daughter! I’m so sorry to hear that you are so traumatised and can’t sleep. Then if you do sleep and wake the cycle of thinking about everything begins again. That must be so draining for you and very hard to cope with routine.

I had PP many years ago and was sectioned for my own safety. I also felt very anxious as you describe. I’m sorry that you took yourself off RIsperidone thinking that it wasn’t working and might have made things worse for you. I can relate to that as I did the same during my recovery. I was taking a few medications which made me feel very slow, so I decided to reduce the daily dosage. My big mistake ... as doing so almost took me back to square one.

I hope your new medication will work for you when it has had chance to take effect. It is a worry trying new medication but when the right combination was found for me it made a difference. Perhaps you might be able to connect with Postpartum Support International, as suggested earlier? Depending on which State you are in, they might be able to offer support local to you although we are always here to lean on. Take care and stay safe. 💕

[SJSharks]

Hi! I’m in the United States too. Postpartum international has a wonderful support group for survivors of PPP. It occurs Mondays at 430 western time. It has helped me immensely. Take care. You will get better in time.

[ParisPierre in reply to SJSharks]

thank you i will look into it

[Pikorua Volunteer]

Dearest Paris,

I hope you will get appropriate support very soon. Please bare in mind our lived experiences, recovery, including access to mental health communities do vary (whether regional or different countries), despite all having suffered from this traumatising illness.

I got very poorly after the first 2 weeks of giving birth to my son in Summer 2010. I was sectioned and medication was the only way forward. I was not responsive to the new drugs, but only the traditional once helped, once the right doses and combination was established by Psychiatrists.

Even though I am very health conscious and not liking chemicals, I would not have survived PPP without Risperidone, Lorazepam, Haloperidol and other anti psychotics. However, I can tell you that I weaned off successfully.

After care and recovery was a long process. My partner as full time carer, health visitor, psychiatrist, care- coordinator and support worker, GP, Social services all were involved to help our family and focusing on my continuous care plan for 2 years.

I have had to have continues support from my care coordinator, because of ongoing mental health issues. I finally was diagnosed with BP1 eight years later.

I am so pleased you found this forum! It has helped me tremendously.

Wishing you well.

xxx

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello ParisPiere

I hope the new medication has now made a difference since you posted a few weeks ago. I also wonder if you have been able to connect with PSI support in the USA? I think it’s very early days in your recovery since October so try not to expect too much of yourself.

Take care... we are here to listen if it helps to see your feelings written down. Thinking of you.

[Pikorua Volunteer]

Yes, just resonating with Lilybeth's words. The forum is always there, if you need to talk. I hope you have received help and support. Be kind, and all in stepping stones. Body, mind and soul needs time to heal. Thinking of you. x