✨Anxiety & postnatal depression ✨

[KeiraMarie]

Evening, I don’t really know where or how to start if I’m honest so I’m just going to write what comes in to my mind as I go..

so I’m sure you’re all aware of my previous posts over the last few weeks & undoubtedly it’s been a very hard time for me & my family & if I’m honest I thought I had it all under control & was coping very well & to some extent I was (or thought)

I’m finding lately my anxiety & over thinking of the worst case scenario is immense & no coping methods seem to be taking the edge off, I feel I can’t really open up to my family as truth be told I don’t really know how or what to say.. as I know it’s all in my head & I’m not what my mind is convincing me I am, it was my birthday on the 3rd of this month & although I had a lovely day surrounded by my family & children I couldn’t stop the negative thoughts & thinking.. Every beautiful meaningful card & birthday wish I received I believed I wasn’t worthy of & my sister said I’m kind, beautiful, caring & all my head was telling me was ‘it’s all lies you ain’t what she is saying you are, you’re vile & you’re a monster for the awful dark thoughts you’re having, you deserve nothing’

I’m struggling at the moment to see & remember my worth & just how strong I am, I feel like I’m heading down that dark tunnel again but this time the light seems much harder to see & find the way out..

I feel like my children’s father may take my children away from me for confiding in him as to how I’m feeling, like he’s waiting for the prime opportunity to see me fall as a mother & swoop down on me like a vulture, all for power..

I can’t seem to fully allow my mind to rest & switch off, I’m finding dealing with my children day in day out so overwhelming & I’m slowly drowning in the responsibilities & pressure that comes with motherhood.. I feel my children deserve far better that me, I’m no good to them the way I’m feeling, I love them dearly & they really are the only main reason as to why I’m still here, as I know how I’m feeling is temporary & it will get better as it the darkness doesn’t last forever, I’m short tempered, irritable, & longing to just be me, be by myself & have a duvet day with my fave movies & snacks & not have little sticky hands tugging away at me for this or that.. I feel like the only time I don’t feel how I do is when I’m asleep on a night as it’s the only time I belong to myself with no one depending on me for their basic needs/wants.. I’m sorry for rambling on so much it’s lovely for me to feel I have this forum to express my thoughts & feelings without any judgement but be met with such kindness & support & it’s those replies I take such comfort in so I do Thankyou all 🥰

Anyone else felt this way? Is this something I should speak to my GP about?

[Jenny_at_APP Partner]

Hi KeiraMarie,

Thank you for sharing how you’re feeling, how are you doing this morning?

You’ve had so much thrown at you recently, please don’t doubt how strong you are. I think however well we cope on the surface, sometimes the stress and strain of things we’re holding in can’t help but bubble over.

I’m so sorry the anxiety and negative thoughts are getting more intense. I would discuss things with your GP if coping mechanisms aren’t working and things continue to get worse.

Is there any way someone could watch the children so you could have a break, even just a couple of hours to yourself? Looking after other people and the unrelenting demands of little people can be such a strain, we all need time to re-group and recharge even at the best of times

I hope writing here helps as well, I find writing down the things that are worrying me and getting those thoughts ‘out’ can really help as I tend to live in my head a lot and overthink and overanalyse… And do you get the chance to get out in the fresh air? Be really kind to yourself, make the most of any opportunities you do get for some self care, it’s really important, and I hope you can get some support to make more of those opportunities.

Keep talking to us and take good care.

Jenny x

[HelenMW Volunteer]

Hello Keira Marie

I am glad you have this space to be able to write and share your feelings. I think it is good to have somewhere to say it as it is! The help on the site is immense and you know you are not alone.

Your sisters words to you are so lovely, you are kind, beautiful and caring. Remind yourself of this when you have negative thoughts in your head.

I just wonder if you can talk to your GP and access some help for the anxiety, over thinking and catastrophising. Not sure where you are, but there is Italk where you can refer yourself for help. I have found CBT to be very helpful and there is something called compassion Focused Therapy, more initials CFT, which might also be of benefit. All these therapies work on our thinking and hello us challenge the wrong thoughts . The GP might also be able to prescribe some anxiety meds. Not sure if you are on medication just now.

Sending love and blessings 💕

[Naomi_at_app Volunteer]

Hi KeiraMarie

Thank you for sharing so openly how you are feeling at the moment, I am so sorry to hear that you are experiencing a lot of distressing thoughts and feeling just exhausted with the demands of motherhood. As mums it can make us feel really guilty to have those thoughts of "I just want time to myself" but often listening to that inner voice which is telling us to take care of ourselves too can be really helpful.

You mentioned feeling like a duvet day with snack and your favourite movies would be a 'breathing space' - I wondered if there's anyone you could ask to have the children for a few hours so that you can offer yourself a well-deserved break?

HelenMW mentioned compassion focused therapy, and there is a really good self-help book written by Michelle Cree called 'The Compassionate Mind Approach to Postnatal Depression' which might be helpful in being gentler and kinder to yourself in the daily distress that postnatal anxiety and depression can cause. There's some information on the book here reading-well.org.uk/books/b...

A helpful exercise in connecting to your 'compassionate mind' is to write a letter to yourself as if you were writing to a good friend who was feeling the same way you do right now. This can help to remember that often we are a lot less kind and understanding to ourselves than our friends, but we do have a compassionate voice inside that we can draw on in difficult times.

Do keep talking to us all here, and your GP can also advise you about any talking therapy that might be available to help you work through difficult feelings.

Warm wishes

Naomi