On the 3rd of July 2017 was when my son Oscar was born and it was supposed to be the best day off my life.... However I got induced early as they said he was very big the induction day came and it was going smoothly until I was taken to the labour ward. My waters was broken and after that everything went wrong... I had a fever,was being sick and felt awful I got to 7.5 centimetres and my contractions stopped my heart rate was dropping and a consultant came in and said we need to rush u in for a emergency sercerruan I signed the dotted line and in we went.
The procedure took 45mins and Oscar was born 1:30 pm on the 5th of July. My partner was crying over the moon as I wasn't as I was so ill they rushed him to icu unit as they were worries he had caught a infection I felt awful was it my fault? He was given antibiotics and after a few days they said he was perfect and fine however.. I was told they needed to give me a blood culture test why?? Ure not well?? So after 30hrs being sick and felling awful a blood test come back I had ecolli blood infection explained why I was sick. After a few days of feeling awful another test come back with a blood infection called entrococolici never heard off it because it's rare only a few mums through birth get it they said.
I was in hospital for a total of 10days with my partner by my side every minute of the day and if he couldn't my family helped out my bonding with my son wasn't what I exspected.
Came home eventually and continued not to bond and the crying started my partner was due back to work very soon once we had are family holiday. Oscar was only 4weeks old and what was supposed to be a nice holiday ended up me being very anxious and crying alot. My family reassured me it was normal but to me it wasn't. The holiday came and went and when home I continued to get worse. The crying,being angry, shouting and generally feeling weak and tired my sleeping stoped got bad insomnia and I decided enough was enough and I went to the doctors...
They prescribed me medication but nothing then had to try another while I was weaning off other things went for bad to even worse I was not eatting,drinking, sleeping,crying,angry etc and my family were so worried and was seeing how quickly I was deteriating. My health visitor visited me my parents and sore how bad I was and decided to get the crisis team involved. They came and said your going through postnatal depression what was that? I hadn't a clue my family tried and tried to help untill I nearly tried to end my life. My parenatal Nurse came an said u need professional help u need a mother and baby unit again never heard off information was given and of I went with my partner and Oscar.
Having arrived there very anxious and nervous I was approached by consultant,doctors and nurses on the ward where they took all the information what was going on with me and then decided to keep me in.
For the first two weeks I was watched 24hrs aday and nurses and hca workers were helping me to bond with my baby. It was hard believe me but day by day got better and my medication started to work. I started to feel like the person I was again before I had my son. Weeks went by and meetings with the doctors every week came and went until finally I was given the go ahead to come home.
On weekly basis I came home and went back but never did I think I would ever come to the point where I would love,care and look after my baby like a mother should. Honestly I can't thank these people enough for what they have done to make me feel normal and a mother again.
There are so many mothers out there suffering and don't need too.
Don't think it's a weakness and be strong!! and get help!! because the more off us that help other mums to understand what there are going through the better!!!?