PMDD/ANXIETY

[KeiraMarie]

Hey everyone, so I’ve noticed around my time of the month I feel a huge mix of emotions, & my anxiety spikes rapid!

A week before my period I feel really anxious & over analyse/question every bad decision/mistakes I have made in my life, I stew on the ‘what it’s’ & the unknown, I feel tremendous guilt for past mistakes I’ve made in my relationship with my boyfriend, I feel awful for times in our relationship when I was on Tinder during times we wasn’t seeing eye to eye & had called it a day, some I swapped numbers with & one was in to phone sex (I clearly wasn’t & found it very uncomfortable him wanting to relieve himself whilst talking to me hence why I soon cut all contact) although he knows about this too as he also was doing the same & taking women out on dates, then my anxiety spikes & I think ‘oh god what if someone who I was talking to on tinder wasn’t the age they claimed & was actually underage!?’ ‘What if I end up going to jail & never see my babies again for someone lying thinking it was cool to lie (again I know this is my anxiety talking as all the matches have been no younger than 26/27 or so they claimed (again my anxiety making me over question things) it’s honestly this time around made me so unwell with anxiety, I haven’t done anything at all this week with my boys, I’ve just shut the world out & tourted myself with inner turmoil over all this, physical symptoms I haven’t been eating much, I’ve lost 8lbs in the space of 3 weeks, we sadly lost my wonderful Grandad on Sunday & we as a family are all heartbroken, I keep smelling he’s clothing & crying as it still has he’s scent on, my dad is also a severe alcoholic & currently in hospital due to having a stroke 2 days ago (again down to he’s excessive alcohol intake) he’s now also got end stage liver failure so things atm for me are very rough & I will purposely punish myself with how I’m feeling by not taking care of myself or self care, I’ll skip meals, not shower, not engage with my boys & just remain in bed shutting the world out with my mind racing..

I can’t seem to snap out of the way I’m feeling, & in a few days when my period is ending & my hormones are levelling out more I will be able to manage my anxiety & be the one in control (I will prob feel embarrassed for writing this post) yet I needed somewhere to get how I’m feeling off my chest, I can’t speak to my family atm (who are a great support system) due to the loss of my grandad & I wouldn’t wanna come across as insensitive so im suffering in silence & hoping I soon manage to take hold of this as every month I can’t continue to feel the way I do, I am now starting to dred when that time of the month is coming up cause again the cycle starts again & next month it will be something completely different I’ll be worrying myself sick over.. I am writing this crying as I need some sort of release & support, I know this is a forum for PP & I’m just tryna think if this is now all related to the trauma of having PP & also PTSD (which as of yet I ain’t in therapy as no spaces available all full up) so I’m just going about my days cold turkey & hoping for the best..

I am maintaining my sertraline tho only on the low dose of 50mg

Any replies would be truly appreciated

Thankyou

[Naomi_at_app Volunteer]

Hi KeiraMarie

I'm so glad you've been able to share your thoughts and feelings openly here - it can be so hard when you feel you're suffering in silence. Well done for taking this step of reaching out to the APP community.

I certainly notice big fluctuations in my energy, mood and coping abilities throughout the month - with a spike in energy/agitation just before my period and a week or so of feeling quite low and flat after that.

Thinking about what you are going through with grief of losing your grandad and your dad's stroke - it's really understandable that your anxiety has spiked.

One of the things that can happen when anxiety does spike is that those kind of 'intrusive' thoughts you describe about things with your boyfriend can become a bit more difficult to deal with. I wondered what support you have from your GP or mental health services at the moment? Whilst you have such a lot on your plate, it might be worth seeking some support from your health professionals just so they're aware that it's a vulnerable time for you.

Well done again for seeking support and reassurance from all of us here - it's so important to get these things off your chest. We are here for you for as long as you need - recovery from PP can often involve anxiety, trauma and much more than the initial psychosis itself. Take good care of yourself.

Warmly,

Naomi

[KeiraMarie in reply to Naomi_at_app]

Thankyou so much for taking the time to comment, I do appreciate it so much, things are just so mentally hard lately & today it’s a week since my grandad passed & my dad is still in the hospital but no visits allowed so my anxiety is majorly high.. I know I need to relax & tell my mind to stop the crazy obsessive thoughts but this is where my anxiety & over thinking every little thing becomes manic & a big worry to me.. I haven’t barely slept all week, I keep imagining the worst case scenario’s in my head & getting 6.. I actually for the first time in a long time took my propranolol last night hoping it would take the edge off how I’m feeling, if I’m honest it didn’t relive my symptoms much at all I can’t help but over worry about past mistakes/been on tinder/ etc I think at one point I must of gave my number out to half the uk male population just to feel less alone as my relationship at that time was non exsistint & he wasn’t very kind to me at all nor helping me out with our children..

lately things have so difficult & hard, I have asked my bf if he would like to stay over on a evening & get up with our boys in the morning allowing me to have some rest & grief for my grandad & just be extra kind to myself & he’s reply is always ‘No cause that’s all I’m here for is the kids & we won’t have sex tonight so why would I stay’ he doesn’t understand at all how I’m feeling or what I’m going through 😭xx

[Maria_at_APP Moderator]

Hi KeiraMarie,

I am sorry, it all sounds very overwhelming at the moment and I am really sorry for your grandad and your dad's stroke, it all sounds so incredibly difficult, so I admire you for having reach out for help here at such a tough time for you.

I know you mention that you don't want to unload on your family who are your support, as the death of your grandfather is very recent, however, I think it may be a good idea to reach out to them. It is perfectly understandable to seek out each other at such difficult times.

I am sorry you are not feeling so well supported by your boyfriend at the moment, that on itself can take a huge toll. Anxiety and depression are very easily misunderstood as mental health conditions, and many who have not gone through it just see it as something you can snap out off. As Naomi says it is important to let your GP or psychiatrist know how you are feeling at the moment. Perhaps the dose of sertraline can be changed to suit you better? I don't particularly enjoy taking antidepressants, but I have found that they are able to break me out of the rumination cycle, and then I can start filling my day with things that make me feel better now and also in the future when I can look back and say I achieved this much. Exercise works in a similar fashion for me, and in the past running and yoga have helped me inmensely, have a look and see if there are local classes or clubs nearby you can join.

Take very good care of yourself and write here whenever you want to chat.

[KeiraMarie in reply to Maria_at_APP]

Thankyou so much for taking the time to comment, I am so adjitated & restless I can’t even think straight as my mind is just racing over & over about the worst possible scenario & ‘what ifs’ & what will happen next.. again anxiety can be a mother f**ker at times & I hate feeling this way & the way I currently am.. I’m finding it so hard & difficult to be present & engage with my two children as I just simply haven’t got it in me, I look forward to bed time when I can just get in bed hide under my duvet & hide away..

xx

[Merry_cherry Volunteer]

Hello KeiraMarie!

I'm very sorry about your Grandad passing away and your dad being in hospital.

Just wanted to let you know that, like you, I also get a lot more anxious before my periods and quite often I get very irritable and can cry a lot. I only noticed that as I was getting older but knowing these signs has helped me in dealing with my feelings. Now I just avoid making big decisions before my period and if I do get upset, I remind myself to not get into it too much and think about it in a few days. By the the time my period starts, I realise that whatever made me upset a few days ago doesn't seem so bad anymore.

I know this might not be the case for everyone but I'm sure your GP could help you with this.

Please do take it easy on yourself, self-care is not a privilege, it's a necessity.

Thinking of you xx

[KeiraMarie in reply to Merry_cherry]

Thankyou so much for you’re reply, yeah I too have noticed that coming up to my period, during & after I’m like this & I absolutely HATE it, my anxiety & obsessive intrusive thoughts are so strong & so horribly anxiety provoking it’s really starting to make me physically & mentally unwell, I can’t help but think of the worst outcome ever & what would I ever do if that was to occur.. I’m now laid in bed in the dark tryna relax & stop my mind from swirling at 100mph, I’ve also taken my proparanol & I’m really considering contacting my GP first thing tomorrow & asking if I can please go back on the Lorazepam I was prescribed when I was in the MBU as that for me worked wonders & allowed my brain to switch off & chill out, only downside was the brain fog/memory issues & drowsiness but I can handle that, I’m willing to take anything at this point I honestly can’t keep feeling the way I am every time it’s my period it’s going to be the death of me.. xx

[Maria_at_APP Moderator in reply to KeiraMarie]

Hi KeiraMarie,

I hope your GP appointment goes well. Take good care, thinking of you