Hey everyone, so I’ve noticed around my time of the month I feel a huge mix of emotions, & my anxiety spikes rapid!
A week before my period I feel really anxious & over analyse/question every bad decision/mistakes I have made in my life, I stew on the ‘what it’s’ & the unknown, I feel tremendous guilt for past mistakes I’ve made in my relationship with my boyfriend, I feel awful for times in our relationship when I was on Tinder during times we wasn’t seeing eye to eye & had called it a day, some I swapped numbers with & one was in to phone sex (I clearly wasn’t & found it very uncomfortable him wanting to relieve himself whilst talking to me hence why I soon cut all contact) although he knows about this too as he also was doing the same & taking women out on dates, then my anxiety spikes & I think ‘oh god what if someone who I was talking to on tinder wasn’t the age they claimed & was actually underage!?’ ‘What if I end up going to jail & never see my babies again for someone lying thinking it was cool to lie (again I know this is my anxiety talking as all the matches have been no younger than 26/27 or so they claimed (again my anxiety making me over question things) it’s honestly this time around made me so unwell with anxiety, I haven’t done anything at all this week with my boys, I’ve just shut the world out & tourted myself with inner turmoil over all this, physical symptoms I haven’t been eating much, I’ve lost 8lbs in the space of 3 weeks, we sadly lost my wonderful Grandad on Sunday & we as a family are all heartbroken, I keep smelling he’s clothing & crying as it still has he’s scent on, my dad is also a severe alcoholic & currently in hospital due to having a stroke 2 days ago (again down to he’s excessive alcohol intake) he’s now also got end stage liver failure so things atm for me are very rough & I will purposely punish myself with how I’m feeling by not taking care of myself or self care, I’ll skip meals, not shower, not engage with my boys & just remain in bed shutting the world out with my mind racing..
I can’t seem to snap out of the way I’m feeling, & in a few days when my period is ending & my hormones are levelling out more I will be able to manage my anxiety & be the one in control (I will prob feel embarrassed for writing this post) yet I needed somewhere to get how I’m feeling off my chest, I can’t speak to my family atm (who are a great support system) due to the loss of my grandad & I wouldn’t wanna come across as insensitive so im suffering in silence & hoping I soon manage to take hold of this as every month I can’t continue to feel the way I do, I am now starting to dred when that time of the month is coming up cause again the cycle starts again & next month it will be something completely different I’ll be worrying myself sick over.. I am writing this crying as I need some sort of release & support, I know this is a forum for PP & I’m just tryna think if this is now all related to the trauma of having PP & also PTSD (which as of yet I ain’t in therapy as no spaces available all full up) so I’m just going about my days cold turkey & hoping for the best..
I am maintaining my sertraline tho only on the low dose of 50mg
Any replies would be truly appreciated