Fairytale or Nightmare?

[BarboraO]

There were so many layers and elements to my psychosis that some moments I thought I lived a fairytale and others were my worst nightmares coming alive. The wonder intertwined with fear so closely!

Snippets of the storylines resurfacing, I was convinced I lived in the Sleeping Beauty fairytale and kept saying I need to stay asleep for one hundred years and that a huge forest of roses grew around me/ or my daughter? I guess one thing everyone tried for me to do was to sleep. And sleep I did indeed! With help of various meds and nurses helping me to relax and do deep breathing exercises as I was falling asleep, I slept and slept and slept and that got me better in that essential first few weeks. Waking up from the first week was more like waking up from a nightmare though. And I woke up convinced that true love will cure everything.

Was your experience of PP more like one of a living in a fairytale or living a nightmare?

[Bellebenbow]

A bit of both. Apparently I’ve had undiagnosed postpartum psychosis since the birth of my first child 12 years ago 💔 after the birth of my second child 2 years ago it became absolute hell on Earth. So while I experienced quite beautiful, spiritual delusions in the past once my 2nd daughter was born I fell into an abyss of absolute terror. It centred around being boiled alive as a witch in a past life by people I have met in this life. The fear has been beyond unbearable. Absolute blind terror. It feels very real. Heartbreaking 💔

[BarboraO in reply to Bellebenbow]

Such unpredictable minds we have. How hard that must be for you to learn you have had PP all those years ago too and going through it undiagnosed, so much more awareness needs to be raised still.

Hell on earth, that is such a well describing expression. How real it all felt.

[Allokmm]

I think it's so common that our minds weave these mythic stories into our altered-consciousness experiences as a way to understand and integrate them. Might be interesting to sink into your relationship with that story in particular, or how its themes might relate to your inner life?

[BarboraO in reply to Allokmm]

Beautiful notion, I have listened to Tschaikovskys Sleeping beauty last night as I couldn’t fall asleep.

[Pikorua Volunteer]

Hello BarboraO,

maybe if PPP is recognised in its early stages and you receive appropriate treatment and experience an MBU with superb health professionals suffering of this traumatising illness might be reduced.

I do believe my medical file is the evidence of indicating a nightmarish dream, where reality and hallucination was intertwined...the hospital was refurbished short after I left, because of patients receiving ill treatment resulting into self harm and suicides.

Facts or fiction??? My brain shut off for a long time and I was cared for by my partner in 2010 and 2011. I was unable to move my shoulders and could not get dressed and had to learn again how to make a cup of tea...

My partner and I suffered PTS...but that was then...

Life has moved on and we are a happy and unique family.

Take care.