Home and stressed 😞

[Bumblebeeee]

Hi, not sure if this is the right place to post, and I know I’m gonna sound awful, but I need to vent. I got home from the mbu Thursday and my house is a total mess. 😩 I know my husband has been struggling working and looking after the kids and house whilst I was in mbu for about 6 weeks. But I just can’t stop obsessing about the state of the house. Recently diagnosed ocd aswell but just for obsessive thoughts I think. I feel like everything has got so out of control. I should be wanting to spend time with my family but Iv stressed so much all day about cleaning and just snapping at everyone because of the mess they constantly make. I don’t want to be like this and know I’m driving them all mad but It’s totally taken over everything. Even been looking at flats for the last hour so I can just move out and live in a house with no mess anywhere. Why has everything got so bad that I can’t stand being around anyone Iv really had enough 😩😩😩

[Hannah_at_APP Administrator]

Hi Bumblebeeee, good to hear you’re home but sorry it is all stressing you out. I completely get what you mean - it’s hard to come back and find things you want to do yourself and feel that others aren’t doing it how you would. I remember thinking that it was supposed to be the easy bit, being home from MBU but there’s still time to go in your recovery, it’s early days but you will get there.

Unfortunately husbands and kids aren’t the tidiest people are they?! I know it’s hard but perhaps you can try to do some bits of the house and let others do what they can too? I know that if some parts of my house need a tidy and clean I try and get one place sorted and then just close the door on others until another day but I don’t have experience of OCD so I can appreciate this will be tough for you.

It’s really important to try and take things easy too - going home is hard and stressful as you say. I hope you’re getting good support and managing to rest a bit. More than anything, looking after yourself is really key and trying to enjoy time with your family will hopefully help you focus on that rather than the house. Things will get easier - I hope you can talk to your community nurse or someone who might also be able to suggest things that can help too. Take care, xx

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Bumblebeeee

This is the right place to post as we all know what it's like returning home. The thing about being in the MBU, or hospital as I was, is that you just concentrate on getting well and only have the baby to consider (except I was separated from my sons during my time in the psychiatric unit). It's very different going home as you are faced with the routine of everyday and it can be overwhelming.

I think you should be aware that although you are back at home, you are still recovering so should be taking things easy. Perhaps when you are more settled the CPN and new psychiatrist might be able to give you coping strategies? I think the support worker who will visit a few times a week will be a good emotional support for you too.

You have the love of your family around you which is priceless so try to have a good rest tonight. Your husband has been taking care of the family while you have been away which I think is more important than tidying the house. I'm sure now you are back at home everything will come together and be as spick and span in no time but you need to rest for now and try not to be so stressed. It's early days being back at home ..... take care, we are all here for you.

[Bumblebeeee in reply to Lilybeth]

Thank you for the replies. I think yesterday was just a very bad day as hubby was back at work and I was on my own here, whilst stressing about the mess and the baby keeps crying a lot now she’s home I don’t think she’s used to it anymore so seems extra clingy which ment I just couldn’t get anything done. I’m feeling a lot calmer today. The house isn’t even that bad, I think I was just stressing because I felt like I wanted to do things and the baby wouldn’t let me put her down. Hubby is off work today so he has taken the kids out for a walk so I’m sitting here having a coffee with abit of time to myself. Made me realise how things are not that bad at all. Sorry about my moan I think I was just having a very bad day yesterday xx

[Hannah_at_APP Administrator in reply to Bumblebeeee]

No worries Bumblebeeee, it’s good to get it all out isn’t it? It sounds like you are doing really well and sitting having a coffee with time to yourself sounds lovely. I think we all need times like that, especially just back from the MBU as you are. Please don’t ever apologise, it’s what we’re here for - to lend an (online/ virtual) ear and share our experiences to help you through. Hope you enjoy the rest of your weekend, sunny but chilly here - take care, xx

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hi Bumblebeeee

Good to hear you are having a better day today. Being home is all very new ... I remember feeling like a fish out of water for a while. I hope the visits from professionals will help you next week.

Taking time out for yourself is a good way to unwind, even trying to sleep when your baby sleeps, although that's not always easy. Perhaps even at some point you could plan a 'date' with your husband as you have both been through so much together?

We are always here to listen. Take care.

[NanaJudith_APP_Vol Volunteer]

Dear Bumblebeeee,

Well done you are home, so the first day wasn't great, forget it. So glad things look better today. New day everyday and there will be ups and downs but hold on, look how far you have come and your husband, (is there a perfect one out there?) has done well supporting and looking after the children. I understand you would like things to be perfect, we all would. Be kind to yourself, try and get as much rest as you can, it's early days. As the other Mums have said everyone on the forum understands it's why APP are here.

Best wishes to you and family.

Judith

[Chick44nzrn]

Dear Bumblebee , that’s good news that your stress at being back in the “ work zone” as our homes are, is lessening and you are taking a much needed time to have a reflective coffee! I think we all have over active senses of responsibility as mothers for everything to do with family and yes it made me smile reading about your distress at the untidiness ( so familiar to me / husbands do not generally notice mess !) . Sounds like he’s been a tower of kindness and strength though in looking after the family and as you get stronger and feel more energetic it will all come together . Large plastic lidded boxes I found were helpful for my four (close in age untidy children )to do tidy up time at the end of v long days . Rest is more important than a pristine home right now !! All best wishes for continued wellness and happy days !

Denise x