I experienced a frightening episode of PP back in March, and was hospitalized a second time due to the traumatic effects of it, which triggered old trauma from early childhood.
This happened with my third baby, when he was just about ten months. My husband had been hospitalized with flu/pneumonia when the baby was about 5-6 months, I'd been homeschooling my older two, and doing back to school myself, to finish my MA and help with out finances, which had been stressful very tight for years. My in-laws were another source of stress, critical and worried about choices we made that differed from what they thought they ought to do.
A painful experience with an old friend happened just as I conceived my third son, something I had trouble processing (it was something personally intimate and sort of invasive that triggered old trauma).
I was holding it all so well, I'd thought, being pragmatic and taking everything one step at a time. But my mind bent under all the pressure. The things I thought were happening while I was delusional were so disturbing and frightening.
I dont know what else to say yet, but I'm feeling relieved to have found this forum. I feel as if my life was flipped upside down, and I worry that it will always feel this way, and that my life has been ruined. I know that might not be rational, but I'd really come to rely on my soundness of mind.
Now that I can't, it's really shaken me to my core. I've put my boys in school, I'm not nearly the attentive and connected mom I'd worked so hard to become.