Undoing our mistakes

[jododo]

I’ve posted on this before but I’m not sure where.

Does anyone know of any resources advising parents of children with attachment disorder that aren’t aimed at adopters? Due to my illness in his first few years my now 7 year old has a lot of issues. I can’t find any resources for parents who want to make things right, only for adopters/fosterers of abused children. I feel so guilty already that I can’t cope with these sorts of writing. I just want something to help us move forward. We’ve had input from CAMHS but they didn’t give me enough information and our case is now closed because he’s doing “well enough”

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello jododo

I'm sorry I don't have any advice to offer except I wonder if your GP can help? Perhaps if you explained that your son was discharged from CAMHS but you still need help and resources he / she might be able to signpost you to further support or re-refer your son to CAMHS. Is it possible a Special Educational Needs Co-ordinator can offer support?

Please don't be so hard on yourself about feeling guilty for having PP, causing your son's issues .... like all of us you had no choice. It must be very difficult for you at the moment as you recently posted about your depression and psychosis.

Take good care of yourself and rest as much as you can. I hope other mums will be able to offer their good advice and support.

[Sarahmcgregor14]

Hiya,

Without knowing the details of the attachment problems- I recently completed an 8 week Circle of Security course. It was amazing and taught me so much. Not sure how widely it is available in the UK- I'm in Australia

circleofsecurityinternation...

Good luck

[Hannah_at_APP Administrator]

Hi jododo,

Thanks for your post and I'm sorry to hear that things are tough with your 7 year old. I agree with Lilybeth, can your GP signpost you to any local resources, or perhaps a local Children's Centre?

I know that psychotherapy for families, particularly around mothers & infants is something that exists, but this sometimes only includes young babies/ to the age of 2. PIP (Parent Infant Partnerships) exist in some areas of the country to facilitate this, working closely with Health Visitors and other professionals.

There is also some resources on the Mind website, including a Helpline: mind.org.uk/information-sup... which may be able to signpost you further. I also found this link about attachment which also mentions psychotherapy: counselling-directory.org.u...

Please try not to feel guilty, none of this is your fault, you have had an illness and of course you just want the best for your child. You also posted recently about your experiences after your second baby and I hope that things are going better for you now. Take care, we are here to chat and offer support, xx

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

Hi Jododo

I hope that you are doing OK? I know that things have been hard recently. I'm sorry that your 7 year old is struggling.

I wanted to reply to give you a link to this book list on Amazon that you may find helpful. The person who made it is a volunteer with APP, and has been involved for a long time. She made this list for her daughters, I hope you'll find some good books in there that might help you with your son: amazon.co.uk/registry/wishl...

It must be hard to see your son suffer, but it really isn't your fault - it's not your fault you have been ill. You are being an amazing mum, seeking out support for your son, even when you have been struggling yourself. Sorry to hear he has been discharged from Camhs, I know that those services are all really stretched even when so many children really need support.

I wanted to share a bit from the other side too as my mum had several psychotic episodes in my childhood, and some that I witnessed. Do just take or leave anything I say, I just thought it may help you to share some of my experience. Yes, of course it left a scar but it has also given me so much - an absolute admiration for my parents relationship - their love and commitment to each other through thick and thin (and things were really difficult at times); they showed me what marriage and commitment really was. They are an inspiration for me.

It also brought me and my sister close together, which is special. Also the community of friends they had a round them (and it sounds like you have friends too) were so important for me as a child too, they taught me the value of community, and solidarity through difficult times and it's something I've sought and valued in my life.

And of course when I became ill with PP, it was amazing to have my parents there, not freaking out because my mum had been through similar (though she hadn't had PP). They were so amazingly supportive and understanding, because of what they had both been through and helped me to accept and be open about everything that had happened. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I really believe that even the most hardest and difficult things in our lives can bring positive things and be transformed. And that you may be an inspiration or help to your son in ways you never imagined you would be.

Anyway, sorry for the waffle, do just take or leave anything I've written! I hope at least some of it may be helpful.

Thinking of you

Ellie X