Update & Adoption

Hi!! I haven't post in a year & just been reading posts as haven't logged on in such a long time, so hello I'm still well thankfully - so sharing the hope that recovery is good if your struggling. Been taking 400mg of quetiapine (reduced from 600mg) for far too long as I've been discharged & then moved house... so with the tiredness I've reduced a week ago to 200mg myself ive noticed improvement.... does anyone else in recovery still take it? Is the tiredness worth it to stay well? A gp shared that idea a year ago...

As another member posted about having another baby struggle...... oh my it's a big decision isn't it!!? Hmmm I'm 90% no %10 yes...... but days like today when my 2 1/2 year old plays with other boys, one older & one younger I can't help think how lovely it would be for him to have a sibling....

Adoption - love your advice please!! Has anyone adopted? Been to a morning session to talk about adoption.... my little boy needs to be 5 & their needs to be a two year age gap between the children so we could adopt a 3 year or younger little one...

Peace and love tough cookie crew ✌🏻

10 Replies

oldestnewest
  • Hi, realise your reluctance to have a second baby due to pps and don't want to appear unsympathetic but adoption is not about providing a sibling for your child.

  • Hey, i haven't got time to reply but this is the response I wrote to Ellie.

    Hey Ellie

    Thank you for your reply - yes it is such a huge decision which we have been interested in for a long time now & ive contacted people about it for the past few years. I have two friends who have adopted children so I know how intensive the screaning process is, which I agree it needs to be. They also require me to have worked with children of the age which we would adopt so I'm looking into volunteering at a nursery which should be fun. I've also spoken it through with different psychiatrists who have encouraged me that other families with mental health histories have adopted children.

    I am very aware children who are in need of a new family have had troubled early years. One of my close friends is a social worker who has to be involved in the process of sometimes taking children away from their environments. Also my best friend works with teenagers who are unable to be in class as they are too unpredictable & they tend to come from very difficult home lives, fostered and adopted.

    I'm not stupid.

    As we can't start the application process for two years I have a lot of time to think.... I've been given books to read on subjects such as how to talk to a child as some children will have been spoken to negatively so looking forward to reading that.

  • Hi Bipolarbutterfly

    Welcome to the forum. It's such a hard decision isn't it, whether to have another child? It's a really interesting question, whether anyone has considered adoption instead. I imagine you aren't the only one. It's really natural to look at adoption, it's good you've already gone to one information morning about it as I imagine it's one of those things that you think could be quite straightforward decision and then actually isn't.

    I have looked into it at one point too (very minimal, just doing some reading up on line) but I have to say I concluded it is a HUGE commitment and decision. From what I read, It was very clear that usually you are adopting children from really troubled background (as that is why there is a need for them to be adopted). I just felt for me (the small amount that I thought about it) it wasn't the right thing to do right now, I felt I had to feel certain about it - to become a parent of a child who is most likely troubled and needs a lot of support, and that that was something specifically we wanted to do, rather than just wanting another child but not wanting to risk being ill again, if that makes sense. I also read that there is a very rigorous screening of yourself (e.g. if you smoke, like my partner does, you can't adopt etc). I don't know what they would think of mental health history for example, and I imagine they would really question you about that so that's something you'd probably have to prepare yourself for too, which could be really hard.

    Anyway...hope it's a bit helpful my reply...just thought I'd share the small amount of experience I had with investigating it a little bit.

    Good luck with your decision, it's so hard...decisions about whether to have another child or not...it's great to hear though that you are well X

  • Hey Ellie,

    Thank you for your reply - yes it is such a huge decision which we have been interested in for a long time now & ive contacted people about it for the past few years. I have two friends who have adopted children so I know how intensive the screaning process is, which I agree it needs to be. They also require me to have worked with children of the age which we would adopt so I'm looking into volunteering at a nursery which should be fun. I've also spoken it through with different psychiatrists who have encouraged me that other families with mental health histories have adopted children.

    I am very aware children who are in need of a new family have had troubled early years. One of my close friends is a social worker who has to be involved in the process of sometimes taking children away from their environments. Also my best friend works with teenagers who are unable to be in class as they are too unpredictable & they tend to come from very difficult home lives, fostered and adopted.

    I'm not stupid.

    As we can't start the application process for two years I have a lot of time to think.... I've been given books to read on subjects such as how to talk to a child as some children will have been spoken to negatively so looking forward to reading that.

    Thank you

  • Ah needn't have written a reply as you have loads more information than what I gained just from reading 😊 and really great you have friends who have adopted as I imagine that's the best way to know what it's like.

    Volunteering in a nursery sounds really fun...I think they're always happy to have volunteers!

    I really hope it goes well.... do let us all know as I'm sure you're not the only one who will have considered adoption and your experience will be really helpful to others.

    I hope someone may reply to you in a helpful way with some experience. I don't think I've heard anyone write that they have adopted but you never know.

    Take care

  • Hey Ellie,

    No thank you so so much for your reply. I only responded in such a way as I was slightly upset with another lady saying that ''adoption is not about providing a sibling for your child".

    I find this such a lovely supportive group, and I will keep you updated 😊

    Thanks Ellie

    Dani x

  • Hello Bipolarbutterfly

    I admire you're thinking ...... how lovely to care enough to let another child share your happy home. We didn't adopt although thought long and hard about fostering following my first PP in the early 70's ..... which led me to contact Social Services to see if we would be considered.

    Bearing in mind this was the 70's and there was a lot of stigma attached to mental illness and that I didn't know everything about how unwell I had been, I was floored when the lady at the other end of the phone took a sharp intake of breath and said, "Well, I don't know ... you've had a mental illness haven't you?" Needless to say I was speechless and felt awful about myself for years ..... we didn't go down that route.

    Instead, I was assured by my GP that if I was willing to take the risk (he hadn't explained how ill I had been following the birth of my son) he would help me. After much soul searching, six years later, our second son was born but PP struck again and I was very ill for a long time, fighting depression in recovery too.

    Thankfully I did fully recover eventually and have many happy memories. It is a hard choice to make about adopting but it seems you have done so much research ...... perhaps you could foster a child first and see how you feel? I do know a lady who fosters only newborn babies and they have brought so much joy. She does realise that she is only caring for them until they are adopted into a family but the families keep in touch with her.

    I think it's a lovely idea to give a child the hope of a loving family and wish you well whatever you decide.

  • Hi bipolarbutterfly,

    This is a really interesting question. My experience of PP in 2009 meant that we put off having another child until 2013, a longer gap than we had perhaps planned. But for us, this was the right decision and happily I stayed well.

    As Ellie and Lilybeth have said, from my limited knowledge of adoption, it can be quite an intensive experience. It's good that you have already got some info on what would be required.

    Whether to have another child, or to adopt, or whatever choices we make in our lives and for our families is very personal and no-one except you and your family can make that choice for you. We are certainly tough cookies!! All the best with your decision, and in the meantime I hope you continue to enjoy happy times with your son and that the shared experiences on this forum are helpful to you. Take care, xx

  • From talking to a mum whose adopted two children twice in USA from Korea, I think I get more sleep than she did, with my own baby, in the first year of adopting for both.

  • Lol - I know! How does Angelia Jolie do it!!? (I'm sure with fantastic support from nannies?) many of my friends have three children & one day I did the nursery & school run it was soo funny. My son in a pushchair, her youngest in a back pack one drop of to little girls nursery & then drop boy of at school/ then picking up - I couldn't have four children! xxx