Hi I've written on here before. I'm 3 months into my recovery and I'm finding things really tough. My anxiety levels are at an all time high. I'm starting to feel paranoid again.
I'm finding things I used to be able to do so difficult like motivating myself to feed the baby and bathing my other 3 boys and taking them to school. I'm doing it all but I'm so bloody exhausted with my meds.
Also being at home with the baby all day is tough too. I don't know how to play with him anymore and it's upsetting me. I think I'm having a bit of a blip. We go on holiday in two weeks and I'm worried I'm going to let everyone down. My medication is making me feel so tired and heavy but I need it for my recovery. Any one else that has been through similar I would greatly appreciate any advice on how to deal with this xx ps I'm on mirtazapine anti depressant and rispiridone anti psychotic. I'm also feeling paranoid in situations that I really shouldn't. I don't want to increase my meds. My mum and dad have told me to fight these feelings but I'm not finding it easy at all. Plus I'm annoyed with them as fighting it suggests that it's just a bit of nothing. I might ring my nurses up in the morning and see if I can go and see my psychiatrist again. Any advice is appreciated xx
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Jake19
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I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling but you are coping with so much caring for your other three boys as well as your treasured baby. I think that's a good idea to ring your nurse in the morning and hopefully see your psychiatrist again. Sometimes the effects of medication can make you feel tired so it would be good to have advice from your nurse or psychiatrist.
I was also visited daily by the home treatment team and admitted to hospital as an outpatient in times of crisis. I think Social Services can offer help around the home if that's something which might help you. Can your mum help for a short while?
It's very hard for family and friends to understand how awful PP is and the thoughts are far from easy to fight. Anxiety can be crippling but it can be managed with good professional care. Perhaps you can be referred for counselling by your GP? CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) is a good way to talk about your worries and feelings and has been helpful for some mums.
I'm not surprised your exhausted .... a holiday will be the tonic you need so try to hold on and ring the nurse tomorrow. Try to rest tonight although I'm sure you have so much to do getting ready for the school run tomorrow.
Take very good care of yourself. Other mums will be here to share their experiences ... you're not alone.
Thank you so much for your reply. I think I'm probably putting too much pressure on myself to be better too soon. I'm going to call the nurse in the morning and I have a visit from the nurses planned tomorrow anyway. I guess this is just what recovery looks like some days. I suppose it can't always be roses around the door xx
I really understand about putting too much pressure on yourself. I had my two sons six years apart so wasn't as overwhelmed as you must be. I can remember wanting to prove to everyone that I was coping and tried my hardest to be well. I even reduced my medication without supervision which was a really bad idea and took me back to square one.
There are ups and downs to recovery but I think you need extra support as you're coping with the remnants of such a traumatic illness, plus the effects of medication and a hectic routine at home. I'm glad you have a planned meeting with the nurses tomorrow .... take really good care of yourself until then.
I can resonate with yours and Lilybeth's feelings reflecting on our experiences.
I believe you are doing so exceptionally well reconsidering that you are only 3 months into your recovery. It is not easy to cope with tasks and responsibilities as "super mum" whilst on medication. I say that, because I only have one pressures boy to look after.
Expectations of others are difficult to cope with when being poorly. You are on the right track in seeking help from professionals. My support network had been very strong at the beginning of PPP in 2010 once I came out of hospital, whilst my partner had to look after my baby and I full time. Maybe the following ones can be of help to you, too,
- Care Coordinator
- GP
- Health Visitor
- Educational Support and/or contacts with other mums (baby groups, nurseries/Parish Council/Community halls running additional activities/link to teachers)
- Internet what's On in your locality for baby and mums/toddlers (obviously do not know your boys' age)
Some of the suggestions above maybe a bit too overbearing at the beginning, depending on how you feel with engaging into new groups or meeting individuals. All in stepping stones.
I started to get involved with Sure Start probably when my son was around 6months old, just once a week, which was plenty in my case. I connected with mums and did not feel so isolated anymore.
Thinking of you and hope you can confine in a friend and/or a professional...my health visitor was excellent in the first 2 years.
Wow you've got a lot on your plate hon - 4 children and feeling unwell too. Yet you still have the insight to know things aren't right and to see your psychiatrist: well done you, you are to be applauded.
I remember the anxiety and paranoia well. Are you managing to sleep at all?
have you heard of the charity Home Start? They basically come in and help for free. I think anyone with a pulse with four children needs an extra hand so suggest you get in touch with them
Sorry I can't think of anything else you haven't already thought of.
Good luck and remember you are doing so well - it's so tough being ill, it really is x
Thankyou for your reply and your kind words. I'm doing a lot better today and I will look up home start. I fact I think I've already been offered it so I will speak to my nurse x
I'm so glad you're feeling a bit better. Four children! I find the one hard enough! Good luck getting everything sorted and do keep in touch with how it's all going x
Hi yes she was really nice actually and helped me get a lot into perspective. I'm feeling different again today. I've more energy and feel lighter. I've even completed a few tasks around the home.
I think that I will have bad days mixed in with the better days and I've come to the conclusion that's how my recovery is going to go.
Thankyou for your kind words and for listening to me when I'm at my most anxious x
I'm really pleased you had a good meeting with the nurse. I think just letting it all out is such a relief isn't it? It does make you feel lighter and gives hope. Having something to look forward to, such as your holiday soon, will perhaps keep you positive as you will be able to unwind and relax.
We are always here to listen. Take good care of yourself. x
Just caught up on how things have been going. Glad it's a bit brighter as the week has gone on. I'm nine months into my recovery and naturally still have some dodgy days.
I was also on Risperidone which did make me feel exhausted, beyond tiredness. But it was the right thing, as it did ultimately help me get better.
You're a mummy of four, wow! That would make anyone tired just in itself! Give yourself a hug, you're doing just great. We're all here cheering you on xxx
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