Recovery

[Jamaica_]

I am in recovery from post partum pyschosis in that I am off olanzapine for 3 weeks now. My daughter is 3 months old. As part of my pyschosis I believed my husband was giving me pills that were making me have halluncinations. The pills were insomnia pills my GP wrongly prescribed before I was admitted to a mental health ward and diagnosed with post partum pyschosis. I feel better in that I have no more hallucinations and generally sleep through the night waking only to feed my daughter. Although it does take me a while to nod off. However I can't stop thinking I want to leave my husband. I know he wasn't giving me pills but I feel he did stress me out after I came home from hospital inititaly with our baby and was reluctant for me to use my mum to help me when I was struggling at first or for me to seek help when I felt like something was wrong. I feel like I need a break but he constantly want sit to be the 3 of us and spend time together as a family. Is the pyschosis returning in that I'm feeling negative towards my husband? Or do I just feel this way? During my pregnancy he was very supportive and loves being a dad.

[amyfj Volunteer]

Dear Jamaica,

Thanks for posting your thoughts and questions. From what I can tell you're still in pretty early stages of recovery from pp. In my experience it took a year or so for me to feel fully recovered not so much from the psychotic element but the depression that followed.

I guess it's tricky if you feel your husband hindered your speed in getting help but I think some men want to be able to fix it all themselves. That's definitely the impression I got from my daughters father. It can be difficult for them to ask for and accept help.

Are you still seeing any health professionals with regards your mental health at the moment? You're doing an amazing job and thanks for reaching out!

Hope that's some use, do feel free to ask any other questions!

Best wishes,

Amy

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Jamaica

Congratulations on the birth of your daughter It's such a shame that the gift of a baby should be tarnished by such a traumatic illness isn't it? I had PP many years ago and think you are doing really well to be only three months into recovery and communicating so well.

Just to add to the good advice here already, I think at this early stage you will still have lots of thoughts and emotions popping in and out of your head. I found settling back into routine at home after being under general psychiatric care quite challenging at times.

I wonder if you have seen the Insider Guides "Recovery after Postpartum Psychosis" which might be helpful and "Postpartum Psychosis : A Guide for Partners", the link being app-network.org/what-is-pp/.... There is also a brilliant blog ppsoup.com with shared experiences and helpful advice.

Your husband is probably being protective as he has seen how much you have been through. I didn't realise how much my husband had coped with while I was on another planet. Perhaps you could all go out together for a walk instead of feeling confined to the house? Try not to worry ... I hope you still have support from a CPN or Health Visitor who might suggest to your husband how time out together, by yourselves, is important as you recover. It might also be a release for your husband as perhaps he can open up about his feelings too.

Take good care of yourself and take it easy. Please keep in touch if we can help.

[Jenskygazer Volunteer]

Hi Jamaica

Many congratulations on the birth of your daughter, and thanks for your post. I know I've found it really hard to come off medication, it's really difficult as PPP is such an ordeal, and so much to cope with on top of having a new baby. Please be kind to yourself, I don't know if you're finding that you think of different things on and off, but I can really relate to Lilybeth's post that lots of thoughts and emotions pop in and out in the early stages of recovery. It's such a confusing, challenging time, I had psychosis 4 times over 10 years before having my daughter, then had PPP when she was 9 months, and found that the experience of psychosis and the path of recovery from it with a baby is a totally different challenge to having psychosis before birth! There's no space and there's no time. But things will start to shift.

It's a really big thing for a couple to have to get through, while caring for a new born. I know after having PPP I felt much more challenged in terms of my relationship with my partner than I had ever been when I'd had psychotic episodes before having my daughter. I think having a child really throws many things in a relationship up in the air, and that's without having PPP to cope with too. I really hope you and your husband may be able to have a bit of time together, or the three of you have a bit of time outside. Both PPP and also stepping down medication made me have alot of feelings of anxiety, so (having said 'there's no time!') please do give yourself time, in any way you can, to recover and to take care.

Just to echo Amy, you're doing an amazing job! Very very best wishes to you and your family xx

[Kat_at_APP Volunteer]

Hi Jamaica,

Yes you are doing a wonderful job! But every mum needs support and if you feel your mum is best placed to help you then I can see why you are getting frustrated with your partner! Is he supportive of you contacting people like eg the health visitor, GP or mental health team?

When I was very first ill (the first days of my son's life) my husband was desperate for things to just be Ok. He was probably very traumatised from the birth himself - and even after a dramatic psychotic episode shortly after he just wanted me and the baby to be home with him, as we had always planned. It took me demanding to be taken to A&E for him to reluctantly take me back in. I think it's hard for them to accept that their expectations of new baby, happy new family, has been disrupted by such a devastating illness. The important thing for my family was for the doctors to keep emphasising to him that my illness was temporary. Very serious - but temporary.

So seek out support wherever you can, protect your recovery, and hopefully your partner will see that this is all of benefit to your "just the three of us" family life in the long run?

Best wishes with it all and congratulations on your little one and on your speedy recovery!

Kat x