Hell on earth

[Jake19]

Hello everyone. I've posted on here before, in the early days of my developing condition and I'm as much giving an update to not only help others but to get this issue off my chest. So, here goes....

After a short stay on a crisis support unit locally, I decided it was not the best environment for recovery. Too dark, too grey, too dreary, too quiet. I came home armed with a new anti depressant called mirtazapine. As well as my usual dose of rispiridone ( anti-psychotic ). It hasn't been a simple switch over from my seroxat ( old anti depressant ). Today has been the worst yet, even though I was taken off the seroxat slowly, I have been on this tablet for almost 8 years and there has been some residual effect. I have literally cried all day, I've hated every single cell in my body, I've hated my dad for trying to help and my partner for saying the wrong thing. Most of all, I've hated myself for getting so ill. All of which after a few stable hours this afternoon, I can honestly say experiencing these symptoms were like hell on earth. I have prayed to God ( I'm not religious ) and I feel the storm is over. I prayed for my own mental health to slowly return to some sort of normal level. Basically, as my new meds are slowly kicking in, what I am trying to say is, as you recover, there will be days like this. It's tough, you hate it, your head feels like someone has stuffed your brain full of cotton wool and the real you will never return. But, you will because you are strong for even dealing with all this in the first place. I mean we are warriors in the true sense of the word...battling through each day. Moment by moment or hour by hour. It doesn't matter how, all that matters is that you are moving forward, even if you crawl.

I wish each and every person that goes through this illness and reads this, a full and fabulous recovery. Thanks for reading xx

[Diptfordblue]

I've only just come across your post, I have never personally suffered PPP, but my daughter in law is going through it with her first baby (now 3 months old). Your post is so so true. You are warriors. I am so immensely in awe of how you are all dealing with this illness as well as being new Mums too. I take my hat off to you all. More power to you, especially on those bad days. I hope they become less and less. You're in my thoughts .... keep on keeping on warrior girls!! Xxxx

[Jake19 in reply to Diptfordblue]

Thankyou. I'm so glad it has helped you in some way. Xx

[Revans86 Volunteer]

Hey Jake19,

Thank you posting your inspiring words. Your hour by hour words struck a real chord with me. Some days during my recovery it was just taking five minutes at a time. Small, tiny steps that build and build.

You're right we're all warriors. Sorry you've had some more tough days, they will get less and less, you're right it is hell on earth. But you are a strong lady, keep battling! You'll get there.

Sending all my best wishes to you, take care

Xxx

[Jake19 in reply to Revans86]

Thank you so much for your kind words. We can do this! Xx

[Hidden]

Hi jake19

Thank you so much for your inspiring post

My daughter suffered ppp nearly 4 years ago. Although very much recovered, she is still left with scars both physical and mental from surgery shortly after birth and of course ppp. She still has to be aware of pacing herself and using her energy wisely. There are still some challenging times but she is learning to believe in herself more and accept that daily achievements, however small, are to be praised. She is an amazing mummy and I am so very very proud of her.

The strength you all find to fight this illness is beyond me. You are all truly amazing. All your little ones are the luckiest to have such strong, courageous, wonderful mummies to love and care for them.

Take care.

With respect.

4mila

[Jake19 in reply to Hidden]

Thankyou. Thankyou so very much. This has made me very emotional in a good way. I wish your daughter and family well for the future x

[Hidden]

Thank you too for your well wishes.

X

[Hidden]

Wishing you a speedy recovery. I was ill for 18 months with PP and PND. In the last few months I've been reducing my medication due to weight gain and it's been a rocky road. I've also had flu this last few weeks which has made me feel like my illness was returning. Learning to recognise what are physical illness symptoms and what are mental illness symptoms has proved difficult. I'm hopefully getting there though as I hope you will x stay strong x

[Jake19 in reply to Hidden]

You will get there. I've put 2 and a half stone on and have just started slimming world at home. I'm feeling very positive today but I get sudden outbursts of anger and have to watch my stress levels. I guess it's a slow recovery process after a mental illness. Trust me, we can do this. We already are. I hope you feel better soon. Xx

[maggie789]

I am changing from seroxat to venlavaxine and feel like you described thanks you have given me hope maggi