Back to Square One

I'm really struggling today. Found out yesterday that my ex has used my experience of PP to turn my 17yr old daughter against me. She had been acting strange towards me since March and didn't want to be with me on mothers day - at Easter she went to stay with her dad and has never come back - I was really confused as nothing had happened it seemed to come out of nowhere. I saw her yesterday and she hit me with a tirade of abuse based on the lies that her dads told her. I am devastated - had to be sent home from work. After everything I have been through I cant believe this has happened. I have overcome so much and I am so much stronger from leaving him and that abusive relationship - it seems he will do anything to hurt me. The person he has really hurt with his lies is our daughter but sadly she cant see that. The feelings and emotions this has triggered and the sadness I feel is unbearable, this experience was the worst thing that happened to me and now finding out what my daughter thinks of me has brought me back to square one feeling shame and that it was my fault.

6 Replies

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  • Hi butterfly

    I was really sad to read your post, I know you have written on here previously sharing some of your story, and everything you have battled with the PP, and your ex husband, and not receiving the best support at the time, but sharing how you came through it, and giving hope to others on here.

    Do you have any support - personal (friends? family members?) or professional where you're able to talk this through, and get support for yourself? Perhaps counselling / therapy as you are dealing with such a difficult upsetting situation? I know that counselling can be really expensive, but I know locally to me you can access cheaper therapy and pay for what you can afford, your GP should be able to give you information.

    I obviously don't know fully about the situation with your daughter, only what you have written, but I wondered if you feel maybe writing her a letter might help? explaining what happened - maybe focus on your own experience of the PP, what happened and your own feelings and memories, and how much you love her, rather than on anything much to do with her dad (as perhaps this may make her defensive or put her in a difficult position?). You could even give her some website links to APP, such as FAQ or our 'what is PP' page, so she can read some information about the illness herself. app-network.org/what-is-pp/...

    But butterfly, please remember - you have been through so much and achieved so much. You fought the PP, and also the difficulties you had with your ex husband, and I know from your previous posts that you have found a way to live with a positive outlook. All that is not lost. You did get through it and got to the other side, you can get through this other hurdle, and I am sure you will regain your relationship with your daughter again.

    Thinking of you, and I hope you will get some other supportive replies on here.

    Take care

    Ellie

  • Thank you for your kind words and suggestions Ellie, I do have a good support network now. My boss at work was great today - I am a counsellor myself and access personal therapy regularly to support me in my role if I'm ever going through any personal difficulties. I have an appointment on Thursday.

    My partner, sister and friends have all been so supportive I think everything is just so raw at the moment but you are right I have been through so much and that is not lost. For now I am going to take good care of myself, process how I am feeling and allow myself some time and space to rebuild my strength.

    I am hopeful that with time things will get better. Thank you again for your support - it really helped me.

    xx

  • Hi Butterfly, lovely to hear from you.

    That is really good to hear that you have such great support - both personal and also therapy. I really hope your therapy on Thursday helps you. Sounds like a great plan to take good care of yourself, and process what has happened, and give yourself some space and time...

    It's wonderful that you have trained as a counsellor yourself, and can support others... what an amazing mum and person you are, you really are inspirational!

    Take care X X

  • It s not u fault cheer up don't let them pull u down

  • Dear Butterfly1999,

    just would like to sent you some love and kindness your way.

    I read your previous post & story and just from reading about your recovery and the way you have turned around your life I just know your inner strengths.

    Sometimes confidence lets us down when once again a new hurdle is just placed in front of us. Often unexpected and often an external influence!

    "In my previous life" I have had a marriage with a man who was like a parasite and very manipulative. This was going on for years. I was suffering continues emotional torture and only later did I realise that it was actually a form of abuse. But like you I continued my path and grew stronger and independent and studied a lot...you are a remarkable woman! We are often stronger than we think we are.

    Ellie has given you some great advise. I just would wait for the momentum, where you can have quality time with your daughter and gradually explain.

    By the way, my new life started when I met my soul mate and we have had a beautiful son in 2010. Obviously contracting PPP is again another story.

    ...not only because of being a professional therapist, but deep down you know how to listen to your body and how to keep your mind, body and soul balanced. Your intellect and your female intuition will guide you...and you have a great support network in place.

    x

  • Thank you so much for all of your messages of support - this really makes a difference. PP has brought us together, may we all have the strength and courage to overcome our difficult times and enjoy the lives we all deserve.

    Love to you all xx

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