Postpa

I'm new to this site , not long been diagnosed and really struggling just looking for someone who can reassure me there is light at the end of the tunnel.

suffering from voice hallucinations, and suicidal thoughts, and the guilt of being ill when other peoples lives (psychosis apart) is a lot worse than mine.

my partner is great but don't feel he totally understands as hard as he is trying so just looking for someone who has been through this to talk to xx

9 Replies

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  • Hello niccie27

    Really pleased you've found the forum as there will be so much support and advice here for you. Are you at home or in a mother and baby unit as you have not long been diagnosed?

    I had PP many years ago but can relate to voice hallucinations which were all very real and frightening to me at the time. I also had suicidal thoughts, feeling not good enough and retreating to my bed as a sanctuary. It's a shame that the gift of having a baby can be tarnished by PP but it's not your fault and you are definitely not on your own. Sometimes it's very hard for partners and family to understand as it is also for us, as it can strike out of the blue.

    I don't know whether you have seen the APP Guides, "Recovery after Postpartum Psychosis" and "Postpartum Psychosis : A Guide for Partners" the link being app-network.org/what-is-pp/.... There is also a brilliant blog, ppsoup.com with info and interactions from other mums who have had similar experiences.

    There will be other mums here with more up to date experiences. I can honestly say that with good medical care and support you will completely recover eventually. Do you have a CPN or Health Visitor for support in these early days? We are all here for you and there are also some dads on the forum who might be able to reassure your partner too.

    Take good care and surround yourself with as much support as you can. PP mums are amazing. :)

  • Hi Lilybeth

    thankyou for the warm welcome

    I'm at home but my CPN visits every other day.

    thank you for the pointing me in the direction of the blogs I'll have a read xx

  • Hello niccie27

    I'm glad you have the support of a CPN visiting. I think it's a good way of talking openly about how you feel. I also had delusions which faded with the right medication so I hope you will be reviewed regularly.

    Wrap yourself in the comfort blanket of home and take care. We are all here to lean on.

  • Hi Niccie27,

    You have definitely found the right place. You're going through something that is really tough. There is no guilt or shame in PP. It is in no way your fault that it has happened. Everyone here has been through it too (or knows someone who has), and whilst all our experiences are different, there is a lot in each others stories that we can relate to.

    There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes it can take us months or longer to feel like ourselves again and to be medication free, but it does happen eventually. MY PP was about 9 months ago and while I am still on an anti-psychotic and I am feeling much more like myself now. You will get there, and you'll be a stronger person for what you've been through!

  • Hang in there, it does get easier. Try not to compare yourself to other people positively or negatively. Their situation is not your situation and feeling all this guilt sounds like it must be adding to your feelings.

    I didn't feel guilt myself but I did feel a lot of shame and humiliation and really tried to rush being "better" whatever that means.

    13 months on and I'm mostly my old self x

  • Hi niccie27,

    I had postpartum psychosis followed by depression last year after the birth of my first baby, and I just wanted to echo what everyone else has said - it does get better. For me, it's been a bumpy road with three hospital admissions, five drugs and 11 ECT sessions, but over a year on I am now feeling more like old me and I'm growing in confidence as a new mother. You'll get there too :)

    The advice I found helpful was to be kind to yourself and set small, achievable goals each day - start small, like getting dressed and build as you feel able to. You're going through one of the most severe postnatal mental illnesses so please don't feel guilty and make sure you take all the help on offer.

    Wishing you all the best x

  • hi everyone

    thankyou so much for all you advice, been put on a waiting list for talking therapy.

    was takin to hospital on monday as I had a breakdown but feeling better now just struggling with my partner having to deal with it , feel abit like he is more my carer than my partner at the minute

    xx

  • Hello niccie27

    I'm sorry to hear you were in hospital. I hope your CPN is supporting you and you won't have too long to wait for therapy. Recovering from PP does take time so you must take care of yourself. At the moment you have to lean on your partner for help but with good medical care you will soon find your feet. In the meantime we are all here for you. xx

  • Hello niccie27

    I wonder if it would be helpful for your partner to take a look at a short book on the site entitled "Husband in a Storm" very well written by one of the dads on the forum, the link being app-network.org/wp-content/...? I hope this link works but if not you can find it via the 'search' bar.

    I hope you are ok and find time to rest. Take care.

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