Desperate for a baby scared of services

[Bluelady-sing]

Please help -

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

Are you OK pumpkins? How are you doing at the moment? Do write more, we're here to support you

[Bluelady-sing in reply to Ellie_at_APP]

Yes I am fine? what makes you ask?

[Ellie_at_APP Partner in reply to Bluelady-sing]

It was just this post, that is all. You wrote 'please help'...

I think you have seen our guide about planning a pregnancy if you are at risk of PP app-network.org/what-is-pp/...

What is most important is that you get advice from a perinatal psychiatrist, I don't know if you have a perinatal mental health team in your area?

I do hope you're able to get the support you need.

[ZacsmumLou]

Do you think you could explain a bit more, please?

[Bluelady-sing]

I am worried people will automatically think me a bad parent. Not only this but my experience of services is that they document me in such a poor light.

[Hazello Volunteer]

If you do become a parent then the services involved will be trying to help you to parent safely. If you work with them you don't need to be scared. As long as your priority is your baby's well-being, because that's their priority too.

Have you ever tried any form of counselling? Maybe that would help you to process things?

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

I would second what hazello says. Services really want to keep families together wherever possible. It is very unusual and highly unlikely that children are removed from parents with mental health struggles. It would be really important to be open with anyone supporting you about what you're struggling with they will support you. Many women have children who have mental health diagnosis including bipolar, im not sure what your diagnosis is? Our pregnancy guide should give you all the information you need.

Do you know if there is a perinatal mental health team in your area? If so, depending on your mental health, they would support you well and are really supportive of mums with pre existing mental health diagnosis. It's important to get a pre conception meeting with them to talk about all your questions and concerns.

Take care

[Bluelady-sing]

Thanks I don't really want a pre conception meeting as It adds the pressure of me not being a 'normal; mum services also make me vulnerable - as my experiences with services is a poor one all they did was forever record on my file subjective behaviour i.e. being difficult and abrupt when it clearly wasn't not true. Really I want to be left as much as possible so I can enjoy the experience - its about me not about services.

A colleague of mine went down the services route - the stress of dealing with services brought on a late miscarriage. Services complicate matters too much...having a baby is an intimate natural affair between a husband and wife. Not services

[Ellie_at_APP Partner in reply to Bluelady-sing]

Hi Pumpkins

I'm really sorry you've had a negative experiences of services so far. However I have to say I agree with Hazello - mental health services and support were ABSOLUTELY essential to me recovering, bonding with my baby, and getting the support I needed.

There is good support out there, there really is, and I'm sorry you haven't experienced this yet. I am in touch (through my role with APP) with mental health services, and yes, there are cases where they are really over stretched and so can't offer as good support as they should, but generally most people I have met absolutely want the best for mum's and are really passionate about their jobs - particularly those working in perinatal mental health or midwifery.

If I was planning a second pregnancy and would therefore be at risk of PP (50 - 70% chance of becoming unwell again) I would want to have a preconception meeting with a perinatal psychiatrist (essential that it is with a perinatal psychiatrist as they are specialised in that area, as you may not get accurate advice from a general psychiatrist) just to get advice.

For example: If I was taking medication, a perinatal mental health psychiatrist would advise whether to continue taking the medication I was on or not, or whether I should move over to another medication that is safer to take in pregnancy. What medication is safe for breastfeeding, if I wanted to do that. Discuss whether I wanted an elective cesearean or natural birth, etc. They are there to advise you, and to give you the information I think you do want to know?

My experience of PP came on VERY quickly, very suddenly, I was very acutely unwell within 3 days (and I had no previous mental health history) and could not look after my baby. This is what PP is, it was like my brain snapped suddenly. It would be absolutely essential that mental health services and midwifery services would know I was at risk so could support me, help with anything that caused anxiety, be there to increase meds if I needed it etc and I know with the proper support I would probably stand a good chance of not becoming unwell again.

Have you looked at whether there is a perinatal mental health service in your area? If there is one I really recommend you ask to be referred to them, just to get advice, and if not ask to be referred to the second opinion service (if you live in the UK - I'm not sure if you do). Dr Ian Jones is hugely empathic and is a leading perinatal psychiatrist and lots of women have written on here saying how helpful they found it to meet with him when planning a pregnancy. app-network.org/what-is-pp/...

I hope you don't mind me writing so strongly, it's just because I know how traumatic PP was, and how important it is to get professional advice in order to reduce the risk, and I also know what support is out there for potential mum's at risk of PP, that I want everyone to know that they can access it.

Take care,

Ellie

[Hazello Volunteer]

I don't think having a baby is intimate at all! The only intimate part is the conception...

Without midwifery and psych services I hate to think how ill i could have got. Fortunately I was still in hospital when I developed psychosis so I got treatment at the earliest available opportunity. Unfortunately through an inpatient stay in a general ward for 2 nights before mother and baby unit available. That was very very difficult to do however even in my ill state I knew that it was what was best for him because I wanted to be mentally well as quickly as possible. Babies are so vulnerable they need consistent and appropriate care 24 hours a day and I was in no fit state to do that so my right to parent became secondary to my son's needs.

X

[Bluelady-sing]

Maybe - the last time I mentioned things a psychiatrist was down on me like a ton of bricks