PPP Twice and Bipolar diagnosis

[Poulson]

I was abused by two brothers and a cousin. After I gave birth to my daughter in 1989. I heard voices that I had abused my daughter. I would rather die than do that to her. My mother gave me her heart tablets to kill myself as she wanted to take my daughter away from me, her first grandchild. I went to a general psychiatric ward. I told the psychiatrist what I had heard and they wanted to take my daughter away from me. I was so ill I slapped my daughter and nearly lost her. I gave birth to my son in 1997 and doted on him from birth. I was married at the time to his father who was abusive towards me. He treat me so bad. I developed PPP after my son and ended up going to prison twice for breaking an injunction my husband had taken out against me He was taking my son to his fathers, who was a registered sex offender and I was trying to protect my son. Whilst in prison I was well looked after. The judge who sentenced me knew I had mental health problems. I was put in the hospital wing. The judge said I should go to a psychiatric hospital and I was in there 8 months with no visitors, except for my husband and 5 year old son. I was discharged and my husband got custody of my son and I divorced him. I was homeless. I got a new home for myself and daughter who was 16. I met my new husband in the local pub and we have been together for 13 years, married for 4. He is the only one, apart from my health workers who understand me. My ex-husband died in 2009. I was misdiagnosed for years and given every diagnosis under the sun. I sued the health authority for misdiagnosis and was successful. I was awarded £25,000.00 and I spent it on my son. I still have flashbacks and nightmares and don't know if Bipolar is the correct diagnosis. I am now 47 and have been in and out of hospital sine I was 10 years old. Christmas is an extremely hard time for me but I am trying to be strong for my husband. I have recently started going to my local church where my children were christened and I am enjoying it. Some days I just want to throw the towel in and give up. I think I may have PPP PTSD. My husband is 71 and I don't know how I will cope if anything happens to him. I would love any suggestions please.

[Hannah_at_APP Administrator]

Hi Poulson,

It sounds like you have been through so much and I am glad to hear that you have found happiness with your husband and also comfort from going to your church. Christmas can be a difficult time of year when we have had PP (& also I imagine from the other life events you mention); I know when I was ill, I spent my first Christmas partly in hospital and partly at home so tired and overwhelmed and not yet well that it was nothing like I had imagined it would be. I have found that things do get easier over time and through talking/ reading on forums like this.

It is good to hear that you also feel understood by your health workers too. I wonder if there are also similar support groups/ forums for the other diagnoses and things you mention? I know that the Bipolar UK website also has some good support, here is the link: bipolaruk.org/

Wishing you peace and relaxation for the festive period, take care, xx

[boat1]

Just rely on God. Try rest and sleep Very imp. Try keep away from stress where possible. Spend time with ur family x