Hey, I have bipolar type 1 and bpd (both schizoaffective), so I joined to get support for after the birth in case PP strikes. im currently on 150mg seroquel and 1mg clonazepam.
I've been trying really hard the last 4 weeks to attach to my baby, usually by faking or by doing stuff for her/him. but im about given up on that plan cuz the only word i feel i can use towards the baby is hate. i hate getting kicked every 5 secs (it really hurts), i hate being this responsible for the baby (i actually have to eat and get out of bed for her), i hate feeling like absolute crap cuz all the psychiatrist will give me is seroquel and im used to being on seroquel, an antidepressant and a mood stabiliser in the hopes of keeping my mood manageable, and i hate the idea that it won't just be me and my husband anymore. i also hate knowing im not meant to hate the baby and that im meant to be enjoying the pregnancy and the kicks and the basketball tummy because of everyone who cant carry to term, but i really don't think i can feel any other way.
im also freaking out because my sense of self has completely gone out the window. if im around people who used to be my friends (like non-pregnant, skinny people) i will somehow start believing my stomach is a quarter the size it is and that its just fat. that makes no sense at all.
is there anyone who can relate?