I'm not sure my story is anywhere near as bad as some I have read on here but never the less, was a terrifying experience and I wanted to share.
After the birth of my third child in 2012 I experienced what I believe to have been postnatal psychosis. I was convinced that I was going to die, would not interact with my children because they were going to loose me anyway and considering suicide as at least then I'm in control of it. Became convinced my baby had a serious illness (although this aspect was short lived). I could not socialise as I couldn't focus my thoughts and would have panic attacks as I believed I was about to die.
I was diagnosed as 'down' and given anti depressants and lorazepam. I took them believing it to be pointless as was going to die anyway. Even mri scans and countless hospital trips could not convince me I was well.
I have recently relapsed and am now just about on the journey to recovery through retaking citalapram and therapy weekly.
Has anyone else had similar experience and not diagnosed?
I obviously am scared of another episode but trying to live day to day
Thank you for reading