Hi everyone. As I write, I am totally aware that I will sound as if I'm denying I was ill (because I had no insight, or was too ill to realise etc), but here goes. I think I was wrongly treated for having ppd, following the birth of my daughter 6 years ago. I was admitted to a MBU and stayed for six months in all, including being sectioned twice. I can honestly say, it was one of the worst experiences of my life. I know that I was unwell (mixed state, suicidal etc), but I don't think my illness was induced by pregnancy and birth, as I had a diagnosis of bipolar disorder already. I think, mainly, that I was treated (quite agressively, forced medication, ect, chemical coshes), because I didn't want to be a mum, once my baby was born. I kept hoping and praying that I'd end up resigned to the fact or maybe even liking it, but I realised that I shouldn't have had my daughter and that I didn't feel able to bring her up. But this belief was seen as a manifestation of my illness. In a way perhaps it was. I had wanted a child very much. I loved my husband very much and we seemed to have created a perfect family. But, I realised too late I couldn't handle parenthood. I wanted to give my daughter up for adoption, but my huband would not accept this (understandably), so I wanted to break off all contact with them both, so I wouldn't have to be a mum. Or a hands on mum anyway. But when I started planning my "escape", I was hospitalised. Of course, I got out eventually. Was better theoretically. But I still feel the same. I hate this so much and wish with all my heart that I could stop being a mother but I feel so guilty, I don't live with them now, but have regular contact. I know this is the right thing to do and I hate it. After 6 years it is no easier. We've had social services assess us, I still have contact with the community mental health team very regularly. I wonder, does anyone else have, or has anyone heard of this happening to anyone else? Sorry to be so negative, but I feel more dreadful every day and I hate hate hate this whole thing. I do love my child, but I don't want to be a mum.
Last edited by andrea_at_app
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